AIBU to think this is out of line

[ElatedBee]

Neighbour asked to keep my children’s “screaming down” at 5:20pm when they were playing in a paddling pool in our garden on a very hot day. Reason given that they were working with open windows due to heat and it was loud. To me it sounds like a them problem, not a me problem, and the entitlement that they feel to request something of me in this instance is out of line.

For specific context, my son (3) was having a play date with another boy of same age that started at about 4pm in our garden, in the paddling pool. My daughter (6) joined around 4:45pm after school. She initially became very upset when she saw the two boys playing because she felt that she missed out on fun pool time and it wasn’t fair, but she calmed down in a few minutes. All three children were playing happily with me and the other mum supervising. Then my children had a fight about pouring water on the slide to make it slippery, when the daughter growled at the son and he growled back at her, at which point I had to intervene and de-escalate. Then they played merrily again until 5:30pm when the play date ended and my daughter went inside. This is to say that it was all very usual children’s behaviour. The only thing I could do to reduce the noise level is not have them out in the pool, but indoors.

AIBU to think that it’s out of line asking someone to subdue their children who are in their own garden on a hot summer’s day after 4pm?

In our house, it's just me, DH and two Dcats and we aren't used to a lot of noise. To be fair, we don't have to put up with much, as next door's little girl is only as loud as you'd expect and quiet enough that our rather skittish tom-cat finds her acceptable. That said, the weather's hot, you've got a garden and you don't live in an exam hall. You've got children who want and need to let off some steam after school and that's perfectly reasonable. Your neighbours might be more comfortable if they kept their windows shut and their curtains drawn till the sun goes down as this would keep the house cooler. They could also invest in a fan for additional ventilation.

They could work with headphones on with either music or a podcast

That made me laugh. The best way I can explain it is daughter said “that’s enough”, son said “it isn’t”, daughter insisted x3, son disagreed x3. Daughter out of sheer frustration of negotiating with a toddler went “grrr”, and the toddler out of provocation responded with “grrr” back. The equivalent of adults exclaiming “oh ffs” out of exasperation. Only they’re children and haven’t learned to vent their frustration out via a choice few words.

Were they screaming? If so yabu.

Were they making normal child noise, with the odd shout or squeal? Yanbu

I work from home, and I don't have any kids. I would never in a million years complain about little kids playing in the garden and splashing in a paddling pool! It's summer and that kind of thing is exactly what gardens are for.

I actually quite like hearing my neighbour's kids giggling and splashing in their paddling pool - they just sound like they're having so much fun. Obviously they have the occasional row but it's hardly a crime for two small kids to kick off at each other for a minute or two, is it?

Playing, fine. Screaming, not fine.

Exactly this. If they're not screaming at full pelt all the time and just playing at normal child level then I would ignore them. Children have played in paddling pools since the year dot. Who are they to tell you to keep your children indoors so they're not disturbed.

I agree with you and @Silvers11. I put “screaming” in quotation marks to indicate that’s what the neighbour said, not what I felt was happening. They were playing and making noise such as calling each other’s names “look, Mary, look what I can do!” and like shouting out when being splashed, but it was very much cooperative play between 3 children. They were taking turns on the slide, one pretending to be a shark to catch the others, etc. I understand that it’s annoying to hear in the background when you’re trying to concentrate on something. I don’t understand feeling that something must be done about it.

I think it depends, I have neighbours with young children who play out and you hear them laugh call to each other, splash in the paddling etc, no problem, the family who used to live there had children who just shrieked, whinged (loudly) and screamed ALL of the time, constantly arguing and Muuuuumm and the top of their voices , it was awful.

I’d add that I worked from home for years (self employed) and never once thought to complain about the noise from the neighbours’ children. No matter how loud.

Because it was my choice to work at home, so I was the one who needed to be accommodating

wtaf to the people saying children shouldn’t scream? Are children expected to be perfectly behaved at all times and able to control their emotions? If it was constant screaming all day every day then maybe but children who are playing scream, I’ve never dreamt I could ask people to shut their playing children up 🤣

Its funny because there was a similar post on here the other day, and my children make a similar noise (playing outside in the nice weather etc) and I was told that I was being unreasonable for letting them make a noise and I should be a decent pwrson and be more considerate! It is deffo their problem, your children are aloud to live their lives and have fun!

Some people have no choice about working from home if they're disabled.

Children playing is fine. Screaming and shrieking is not fine.

Normal children’s sounds that show they are being lively, boisterous and having fun in their own garden on a lovely day- great, no issue and neighbour was unreasonable.
Obnoxious screaming that disturbs everyone else’s peace? Not really on. You can respond with ‘there’s no need for screaming, calm down everyone’ in a firm voice. Hopefully it will work, and if it doesn’t at least the neighbour will see you are at least trying to address it.

Omg the amount of people in the world who think children and people shouldn’t make noise when having fun is ridiculous. If I get splashed with water I’d make noise as well!

OP please don’t tell your children to quieten down when playing in a paddling pool in their own garden! It’s their safe space.

If they are being little turds screaming to wind each other up that’s a bit different.

Neighbour being irritated by your children’s noise is completely valid feeling for them to have. If they are working from home too it would be annoying but the normal noise from residential streets which may contain children is one of the downsides from the working from home culture. It’s definitely a them problem. Headphones are needed and sometimes a move around the house to a quieter place. I have to do that when my neighbours are home and playing their drum n bass by my kitchen window.

A one off fine but no, they shouldn’t be screaming
my next door neighbours children could be being abducted and I wouldn’t have a clue because they scream constantly in the garden!

if I screamed when playing I was told off and then told to come inside because you do have to be respectful of neighbours
not talking about playing, chatting, laughing but the screaming..

Yeh. Growling? That’s a new one on me. I’m assuming the screaming was excessive. Neighbours don’t generally rock the boat over kids playing. It’s jarring but not worth the hassle. High pitched screaming and “growling”. Not normal. Highly infuriating

I used to have a neighbour whose kids would scream blue murder in the garden and she just let them. It is still a public space and others may be trying to use their gardens for the things they enjoy, so a balance is needed.

I say it depends on what the children were doing with the "normal children's noise"
I have one neighbour who's children play happily giggling playing etc which is absolutely fine the neighbour the other side her kids scream, shout etc and it's absolutely not normal noise and means I can't enjoy the garden when they're out. Both sets of parents claim that "it's just normal kids noise" but it really isn't!

Working from home is irrelevant really, they are just saying your kids are making a horrible racket. Obviously you disagree and you well may be right but some people do allow their children to shriek and scream for hours on days when everyone may want to enjoy their gardens. So it’s a question of everyone having some tolerance and being reasonable.

Some people have made the point that it’s a residential area which is valid but on the other hand it means you do need to consider your neighbours.

Screaming is for when your in danger or hurt not playing. One of my neighbours kids screams that much even her parents ignored her when she fell off the trampoline and screamed because she'd broke her wrist!
Neighbour the side we all knew their child was really hurt when he fell off his bike because he screamed and he never does!

YNBU. Recommend Loop (or similar) earplugs and get on with your day!

Children playing in the garden making normal child noise is fine , but this seemingly incessant need for kids to scream while outside playing for no reason is absolutely ridiculous and not on. Parents should not be letting their kids scream outside as it's completely unfair to neighbours.

I don’t let my kids shriek and scream, it it’s fucking horrid to listen to.
they can laugh and shout (a bit) but the yelling and screeching is crazy (unless in danger or seriously hurt.)
So the definition of kids playing and normal noise varies from person to person. Sounds like yours were being OTT

YABU.
Your children should not be screaming, growling or shrieking outside. The time of day is irrelevant. If they are, you should bring them in immediately. Children playing, chatting, laughing is one thing, but this is unacceptable. Your attitude is incredibly entitled. My neighbours have small children and we are in terraced housing with tiny gardens. Their parents warn them that if they start shrieking or screaming, they have to go inside.