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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH won’t take medication

101 replies

Foalypoly · 19/06/2025 08:06

Short version: DH gets severe side effects of any medication he takes and refuses to take anything other than paracetamol post surgery.

Long version:
DH had hip surgery over two weeks ago. We have an11 month old baby and a dog, I’ve been doing everything for everyone which has been tough going.

I’ll probably get flamed for this but I’m becoming more and more frustrated with DH’s reluctance to take any medication. He has always been this way for as long as I know him. He reads the side effects and I feel like he convinces himself he has them.

He was on dihydrocodeine which he said made him feel very drowsy and nauseous (understandable) so was given naproxen. He said they also made him feel drowsy and nauseous, fair enough. He stopped taking all pain relief except paracetamol and then complained of being sore.

He then took an infection unfortunately so got given antibiotics and again suffered from nausea.

I suffered from severe for 6 months during my pregnancy and took cyclazine, I suggested he speaks to GP to request anti sickness meds. He was prescribed some, took one and said it made him feel drowsy and groggy so now won’t take any more. So now he’s back to feeling nauseous all day every day, despite only now taking paracetamol and antibiotics.

The dr also prescribed co-codomol but again he’s scared to take it as he says it’ll make him feel groggy and drowsy.

There are basic tasks he could help with such as feeding baby in his highchair or reading him a book to distract him for 10 mins while I have a shower however because of the nausea and drowsiness he doesn’t feel up to doing anything.

I’m going to sound awful but I’m getting so fed up of hearing him complain of his ailments. I fully understand he has had surgery and will experience some pain but it’s as if his expectations are too high and expects to be able to come off the strong painkillers already.

He’s arranged for us to go up and see his family two hour drive away next week. I said I don’t think it’s a good idea as he will likely feel car sick (based on a quick 10 min journey we took this week where he was floored with nausea afterwards). He said he doesn’t want to take his cyclazine but still wants to travel.

AIBU for thinking he should just take the medication he’s been prescribed? Can he seriously be so affected by these medications that he needs to lie in bed all day?

OP posts:
summersun25 · 19/06/2025 08:09

Yeah he’s being ridiculous. I took full doses of paracetamol, naproxen, dihydrocodeine and worked normally
i think some people are affected more like I take 4 a day antihistamines with no effect but people say 1 makes them drowsy

I think pain and post surgery makes you groggy to start with! He needs to hand over the side effects leaflet to you and not read it and only ask if he feels very unwell with it

jf he feels a bit groggy then oh well he can still do a few basic things?

dragonfliesanddandelions · 19/06/2025 08:14

So is he just sitting around doing nothing? Doesn't he have exercises he needs to do? He needs to get on top of the pain and start mobilising or he will never recover fully. My FIL will loudly tell anyone who will listen that his knee surgery "didn't work". The reality is he didn't do a single exercise the physio recommended, just expected to be magically fixed with no effort on his part. It just doesn't work like that.

Original poster
Foalypoly · 19/06/2025 08:15

summersun25 · 19/06/2025 08:09

Yeah he’s being ridiculous. I took full doses of paracetamol, naproxen, dihydrocodeine and worked normally
i think some people are affected more like I take 4 a day antihistamines with no effect but people say 1 makes them drowsy

I think pain and post surgery makes you groggy to start with! He needs to hand over the side effects leaflet to you and not read it and only ask if he feels very unwell with it

jf he feels a bit groggy then oh well he can still do a few basic things?

I’ve told him this before re the side effects leaflet but he would still google it. He broke his foot months ago and refused to take the lowest dose of co-codomol after taking it once as he grogginess floored him.

I have no doubt that he is experiencing pain and discomfort but I don’t understand how he is so affected by every medication he takes

OP posts:
Yogabearmous · 19/06/2025 08:15

Don’t go on the trip. Put your foot down. If he can’t help at home because he is too unwell, he won’t make a two hour car journey.

Tiswa · 19/06/2025 08:16

He isn’t - I suspect he would suffer side effects from sugar pills if you told him they made him groggy

Original poster
Foalypoly · 19/06/2025 08:16

The one and only thing he is doing are the physio exercises. But he needs to take to his bed for hours afterwards! I’m beginning to think he has some sort of underlying condition because even pre surgery he was exceptionally tired all the time

OP posts:
summersun25 · 19/06/2025 08:21

If he isn’t outside he probably needs to take vitamin D but then.. side effects. Vitamin C is good for healing too and a decent multi vitamin wouldn’t do any harm if he’s always tired
I have conditions that cause fatigue so I do get it but even sitting in the garden makes me feel a bit better and having structure to my day so scheduled rest

Original poster
Foalypoly · 19/06/2025 08:23

summersun25 · 19/06/2025 08:21

If he isn’t outside he probably needs to take vitamin D but then.. side effects. Vitamin C is good for healing too and a decent multi vitamin wouldn’t do any harm if he’s always tired
I have conditions that cause fatigue so I do get it but even sitting in the garden makes me feel a bit better and having structure to my day so scheduled rest

Thanks helpful, thank you. Pre surgery I did wonder if he has some sort of fatigue condition because a night of interrupted sleep seems to really affect him (headaches, extreme tiredness etc). He got multivitamins and took them once. Will try again to get him to take them

OP posts:
LoafofSellotape · 19/06/2025 08:25

What sort of hip surgery? That sounds like a big operation and it's only been 2 weeks and unfortunately he's going to need to rest especially after doing physio which can floor you after an op.

Some people can't take codeine based based painkillers ,the nausea is awful, I can't take anything like that and I certainly wouldn't feel confident to look after a baby while doing so so I think you're being a bit unreasonable. I do think he should contact the doctor and see if there's an alternative though as he needs to be on top of the pain and get himself moving again .

Findmeaplant343 · 19/06/2025 08:25

He doesn't sound very resilient. Of course some people are more sensitive to some medications than others but he either needs to give the medications a go or go without and grit his teeth but either way he shouldn't moan and mope all the time.
Whether he feels well enough to go on this trip or not, he needs to be doing more with your baby. As you say it doesn't need to be anything physically demanding but to completely opt out is not an option.

GentleSheep · 19/06/2025 08:31

Foalypoly · 19/06/2025 08:23

Thanks helpful, thank you. Pre surgery I did wonder if he has some sort of fatigue condition because a night of interrupted sleep seems to really affect him (headaches, extreme tiredness etc). He got multivitamins and took them once. Will try again to get him to take them

Show quote history

I'd get his thyroid checked if possible, it may be that's causing the fatigue. Less likely he's iron-deficient, being a man. But should get that looked into as well, along with Vit D.

Yes medications can make one feel 'off' - it's a matter of balancing how long you need to take them vs how bad one feels, sometimes you just have to endure it for awhile, sound like your DH isn't very good at doing that! Lying in bed all day will only have a negative effect, he needs to be moving around at least every so often.

Original poster
Foalypoly · 19/06/2025 08:34

LoafofSellotape · 19/06/2025 08:25

What sort of hip surgery? That sounds like a big operation and it's only been 2 weeks and unfortunately he's going to need to rest especially after doing physio which can floor you after an op.

Some people can't take codeine based based painkillers ,the nausea is awful, I can't take anything like that and I certainly wouldn't feel confident to look after a baby while doing so so I think you're being a bit unreasonable. I do think he should contact the doctor and see if there's an alternative though as he needs to be on top of the pain and get himself moving again .

Thanks for this. Agreed it is big surgery. It was a hip arthroscopy.

I think he falls in to the category of people who can’t tolerate codeine based pain relief. I do think it’s worth him speaking to the GP again but he also couldn’t tolerate naproxen or diclofenac (previously) so I wonder if options are becoming limited

OP posts:
Octavia64 · 19/06/2025 08:34

Codeine in particular is notorious for causing nausea. I personally don’t like taking it because of how disconnected from the world it makes me feel.

it does sound like he has has pretty serious surgery.

summersun25 · 19/06/2025 08:34

LoafofSellotape · 19/06/2025 08:25

What sort of hip surgery? That sounds like a big operation and it's only been 2 weeks and unfortunately he's going to need to rest especially after doing physio which can floor you after an op.

Some people can't take codeine based based painkillers ,the nausea is awful, I can't take anything like that and I certainly wouldn't feel confident to look after a baby while doing so so I think you're being a bit unreasonable. I do think he should contact the doctor and see if there's an alternative though as he needs to be on top of the pain and get himself moving again .

There’s not a huge number of options though

naproxen shouldn’t make him feel drowsy. He won’t take codeine based stuff
after that it’s more stronger stuff like tramadol etc which if he can’t take OTC codeine he won’t take that

I guess the only other thing is paracetamol to the max dose and ibuprofen? If I was reacting like that to every pain killer after 1 tablet I would be at the doctors

CharlotteCChapel · 19/06/2025 08:40

My DH is really similar, would rather suffer than take pain medication. He had something wrong with his foot, and could hardly walk and he'd only take paracetamol for it. In boots I found paracetamol and lysine which worked a lot better than standard paracetamol.

I have chronic pain and regularly take cocodamol and I rarely react to it. Even now , after years on it I still get one that makes me woozy. Don't worry I'm not addicted to them as I can go months without needing them but during a flare I need them.

LoafofSellotape · 19/06/2025 08:40

summersun25 · 19/06/2025 08:34

There’s not a huge number of options though

naproxen shouldn’t make him feel drowsy. He won’t take codeine based stuff
after that it’s more stronger stuff like tramadol etc which if he can’t take OTC codeine he won’t take that

I guess the only other thing is paracetamol to the max dose and ibuprofen? If I was reacting like that to every pain killer after 1 tablet I would be at the doctors

Show quote history

I can take Tramadol but codeine makes me puke.

Reallybadidea · 19/06/2025 08:40

The nocebo effect is very much a thing.

I genuinely wonder whether he might benefit from taking some homeopathic remedies to "counteract" the side effects from the painkillers.

Is he able to do his physio exercises and mobilise as he's been advised?

Ahwig · 19/06/2025 08:59

My mother in law was susceptible to medication that other people have no problem with so she just took smaller doses which worked for her. I’m talking painkillers not antibiotics as she would take the proper dose of them to clear the infection. Even basic over the counter medication affected her. 1 nurofen and she’d have to sleep it off but she took the medication around what she had to do . What she didn’t do was take nothing then moan about the pain, she simply adjusted it for her needs.

HeyYouTheRockSteadyCrew · 19/06/2025 09:06

I feel sorry for him! I can't take anything codeine based or tramodol it makes me feel so nauseous, and by that I mean full on laying on the floor white as a sheet cold sweat nauseous, I could hardly raise my head let alone feed a baby!

I've not had naproxen but I'm allergic to diclofenac.

He will need to rely on ibuprofen and paracetamol but likely these won't deal with the pain so yes he will be in pain a bit, it's not a nice choice for him to make.

It's only been 'over two weeks' not long at all in terms of recovery. I think you're making a big deal of doing everything for everybody, just you two adults one 11 month old and 1 dog. So I think yabu tbh.

SalfordQuays · 19/06/2025 09:09

There’s no doubt that some people get more side effects than others, but I also think there’s a big psychological component. My Mum is very suggestible. If someone sneezes near her, then an hour later she says she’s got a scratchy throat and thinks she’s coming down with the virus. She’s not a hypochondriac or an attention seeker. She just has a massive load of psychosomatic symptoms. Every single tablet she’s ever been given, she reads the side effects and gets most of them. I’m 99% certain if she had the tablets secretly hidden in food she wouldn’t get any side effects at all !

Gingernaut · 19/06/2025 09:10

If he's that useless, a spot of drowsy grogginess wouldn't make any difference to his general ability to function, tbh

He needs to make an appointment to see a GP, because this isn't normal

Also, do not go on that trip, you will end up murdering him before you're half way there

MrsCarson · 19/06/2025 09:11

If he takes max dose of paracetamol each day spaced out every 4 hours it's very effective. It's given in hospital after bowel surgery/hip replacement and works well. They get IV paracetamol to start. He needs to move and get back to normal or he'll never recover. Heck they tip old ladies out of bed after one day to start walking after total hip replacement as it helps healing.
No way I'd drive him two hours if he can't get himself sorted.

Enrichetta · 19/06/2025 09:18

I’m beginning to think he has some sort of underlying condition because even pre surgery he was exceptionally tired all the time

I’m wondering whether the underlying condition might be ingrained laziness…?

having said that, the long car journey he is proposing is madness, so soon after major hip surgery. I’m sure his doctor would not approve.

Megifer · 19/06/2025 09:21

Agree with pp i suspect anything would make him drowsy or sick if he reads that's a possible side effect.

Naproxen causing drowsiness is uncommon...so of course he's an uncommon special case 🙄

I wonder if he's one of those people (usually men IME) who just enjoys feeling ill.

Eenameenadeeka · 19/06/2025 09:23

Well I definitely wouldn't be going on the trip with him but I know different people have different reactions to medication so I'd be more patient, at least you only have one child (plus husband) to care for.

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