DH won’t take medication

[Foalypoly]

Short version: DH gets severe side effects of any medication he takes and refuses to take anything other than paracetamol post surgery.

Long version:
DH had hip surgery over two weeks ago. We have an11 month old baby and a dog, I’ve been doing everything for everyone which has been tough going.

I’ll probably get flamed for this but I’m becoming more and more frustrated with DH’s reluctance to take any medication. He has always been this way for as long as I know him. He reads the side effects and I feel like he convinces himself he has them.

He was on dihydrocodeine which he said made him feel very drowsy and nauseous (understandable) so was given naproxen. He said they also made him feel drowsy and nauseous, fair enough. He stopped taking all pain relief except paracetamol and then complained of being sore.

He then took an infection unfortunately so got given antibiotics and again suffered from nausea.

I suffered from severe for 6 months during my pregnancy and took cyclazine, I suggested he speaks to GP to request anti sickness meds. He was prescribed some, took one and said it made him feel drowsy and groggy so now won’t take any more. So now he’s back to feeling nauseous all day every day, despite only now taking paracetamol and antibiotics.

The dr also prescribed co-codomol but again he’s scared to take it as he says it’ll make him feel groggy and drowsy.

There are basic tasks he could help with such as feeding baby in his highchair or reading him a book to distract him for 10 mins while I have a shower however because of the nausea and drowsiness he doesn’t feel up to doing anything.

I’m going to sound awful but I’m getting so fed up of hearing him complain of his ailments. I fully understand he has had surgery and will experience some pain but it’s as if his expectations are too high and expects to be able to come off the strong painkillers already.

He’s arranged for us to go up and see his family two hour drive away next week. I said I don’t think it’s a good idea as he will likely feel car sick (based on a quick 10 min journey we took this week where he was floored with nausea afterwards). He said he doesn’t want to take his cyclazine but still wants to travel.

AIBU for thinking he should just take the medication he’s been prescribed? Can he seriously be so affected by these medications that he needs to lie in bed all day?

I don’t like taking meds but if I have to I will my DH is more extreme and like yours. DH has severe debilitating hay fever currently, he actually can't function at all. After 2 days of him moaning and laying like some Victorian lady receiving calling cards in her tea gown looking all pale and wan on the sofa I had enough. I presented him with the anti histamines I carry as I have allergies and told him to take some to feel better or get out of my sight and stay in the bedroom. He took one and of course he felt quite a bit better and today he feels a lot better. He has suffered with hay fever all his life and at 56 that’s the first anti histamine I have managed to get him to take. It’s because his bloody Mother is in to homeopathy and is very anti meds and quite hysterical about it so he was raised in that environment. She has posted some of her homemade sugar pills up to him yesterday.

I actually get awful nausea after codeine so can believe that easily. He needs another option plus no way should he be sitting in a car like that so soon after hip

I'd have to test this. Give him 2 paracetamol yourself - just bringing you these darling - then tell him an hour later you might have got mixed up and given him cocodamol instead, see if he fabricates that he had been feeling sick or whatever

Then check the box and confirm oh no, it was just paracetamol.

Bit mischievous but harmless and it might actually help work out if it is a psychosomatic/nocebo thing.

Dh asks me to read the side effects of any meds he takes but he won't read them. That way he isn't influenced by feeling a particular way.

I am the one who reacts to all sorts of medication but if I need to I will put up with the side effects to deal with whatever reason I am taking the meds for.

Unfortunately you have a long road ahead... my dad stopped taking anything other than paracetamol in 1975 following a serious accident. He's now 88!

So the two options he presents are A. He takes medication and then can't be expected do anything because of the side effects or B. he refuses to take medication and then can't be expected to do anything because of the pain?

I hear you!

My DH has a diagnosed health anxiety that he got treatment for a few years back. He's generally better than he was, but there are times when it still gets the better of him and we're currently in one of those moments.

Recently been prescribed some low level blood pressure medication because of consistently high readings.

He has a home blood pressure reading kit and will literally sit there for over an hour doing a test again and again and again then as he panics it gets higher and higher and higher. Kept going on about how he was going to have to go onto tablets, to the point it was sounding like he wanted to go on them.

Then the doctor prescribed them and he was then panicking about taking them because they were going to make him dizzy, etc. Read the leaflet from front to back and now effectively has a checklist of potential side effects.

Swears he's now got horrendous tinnitus as a side effect and ear problems (which he was having anyway before he started taking the tablets) and has contacted the doctor to ask if he can stop taking them as a result!

Honestly, I just step away from it and leave him to get on with it. I'll tell him when he's being ridiculous, but I've had to accept that getting annoyed with him only increases my own blood pressure!

Meanwhile, I'm struggling with a short term health complaint that I've been prescribed drugs for which have also got side effects that I'm also managing, but I'm carrying on as normal.

Difference in our case is that we don't have children, so it doesn't affect me.

Sorry you're experiencing this OP - you have my utmost sympathy!

I can’t see any reason why he can’t feed the baby or read a book and he’s being daft about the car journey
I had an 8hr surgery 3.5 weeks ago so I’m aware of recovery but I made sure to structure it even if it was watch an episode of something, eat, 1hr nap, 10 min walk etc

Reverse this…

I had major hip surgery 2 weeks ago. Unfortunately all the pain medication I’ve tried has made me feel very, very unwell. The only way I can cope is with rest and paracetamol, but I am still making the effort to get my physio exercises done. I also broke my foot very recently too.

My husband wants me to start doing some childcare again but I am really struggling on just paracetamol and am unable to take anything else. He wants me to take the other painkillers even though I’ve told him how awful they make me feel. AIBU to ask that he continues to do the childcare duties for another week or two until I’m more recovered?

My DH was recently in hospital seriously ill for 8 weeks. We have a toddler and no family help. I get it. It fucking sucks. But you would definitely be getting different responses if you’d recently had such major surgery.

But absolutely bin off the trip to his family. There’s not a chance in hell that’ll work.

Oh and people saying it could be a nocebo or psychosomatic effect, it could possibly be, but even it is the person does truly feel those symptoms. They aren’t “faking it”. & sure those symptoms aren’t common for some of the meds he’s tried but they are known side effects so who is anyone else to tell him he isn’t experiencing those side effects? Someone does or they wouldn’t be on the insert!

I get the most god awful side effects of anything I take seems to be much more extreme than other people's reaction. I avoid any meds completely now, just can't be doing with swapping one ailment for another (often more debilitating) one.

Obviously that will go out the window if something very serious is happening, but with my reactions to medication - including paracetamol that I can't sip in liquid form - it's much better with the devil I know.

Leave room for the possibility that your DH really does experience very terrible side effects that you don't have to deal with. Some people can be ultra sensitive to medications.

This would massively piss me off. I just had hip surgery and it was agony so I took tramadol and co-codamol until I could cope.
I had to I live alone and nobody is doing anything for me!

hes always been like this with anxiety around meds so as shit as it is it’s unrealistic to expect him to do a U-turn on this overnight

be blunt it’s his choice but choices gave consequences and you don’t want to listen to them

as for side effects out it in perspective
people die crossing the road but we still cross the road and we’re fine

Me too, it took 5 months to find a blood pressure med that I could tolerate,the side effects were horrendous. I envy people who can just down a tablet and feel better !

I'm sorry but after hip surgery people are on dihydrocodeine and liquid morphine for the whole time they're in the hospital.

The nurses and physios wouldn't allow him not to take the pain relief as it slows recovery and basically they want their bed back.

I know because I was in the ortho trauma ward for five weeks.

So I can't see how he can claim such low tolerance to opiate pain relief. One 30mg dihydrocodeine tablet should not make someone drowsy and nauseous when they've recently had surgery.

It should take the edge off the pain to help them do their physio and heal properly with exercise.

As for dodging antibiotics, he could end up on a drip and he won't have a choice but to have them then. In a much higher dose!

Exactly, I was on oxycodone in the hospital and it wasn't enough.

So I can't see how he can claim such low tolerance to opiate pain relief. One 30mg dihydrocodeine tablet should not make someone drowsy and nauseous when they've recently had surgery

Yet there are posters telling you otherwise, why don't you believe them? Anything codeine based make me vomit,it's on my notes so I'm not given it after surgery.

@Foalypoly to be honest, a two hour drive just 2 weeks after hip surgery is a bloody stupid thing to even consider!! he wont be able to move in the car and will end up being stiff as a board! that kind of journey is better left till he is much better and more painfree. on top of that, you will be doing even more care when you reach inlaws!!

But he would've been on loads of opiates in hospital?

It’s his body and if he decides he doesn’t want to take painkillers than that’s his grown up adult decision.
.However, when his decisions have a big impact on you then you have the grown up adult right to be mightily pissed off.
There is no reason at all why he cannot sit reading to or feeding child who is in a highchair while you have a shower, dry your hair etc.
Is he wearing the dressing gown of doom?
I would be telling him if he isn’t prepared to take painkillers and anti sickness drugs then I really don’t want to hear about his pain, or hear moaning and sighing.
And as for the trip to his parents -if he wants to go, Fine. I think I would be encouraging it frankly for the break.
But as for me going (if I were you) - not a cat in hells chance. And l would tell him today so he is under no illusion and can make plans to get himself there.
His mummy can look after him!

I can’t take any codeine based meds, they make me feel so ill. After my 4 sections I only had paracetamol.

He sounds like hard work.

There is no medical reason that he would experience side effects from ALL medication he takes. They're all different drugs. I suspect you're right that he reads the side effects and convinces himself that he has them.

My DH is ridiculously sensitive to many medications, including in hospital post-op to IV pain relief. It does happen. He can’t tolerate ibuprofen or more than one dose of paracetamol. He can’t even tolerate one dose really because of the side effects.

Can he try a different anti-nausea medication? What’s his problem with feeling drowsy from medication if he’s in pain and unable to do anything anyway? Surely sleep would be a relief.

Is medicinal CBD oil legal there for human use? If it is it might be worth a try. I’m not in the UK. My DH has had it prescribed by a GP for pain relief. It helps but he needs only a teeny tiny dose because side effects for him. There’s no THC in it so there’s no getting stoned from it. Just the therapeutic CBD oil.

Low dose naltrexone might also be an option. Typically about 5mg for a “normal” person. My DH takes a lower dose than that because of how sensitive he is.

Definitely no trip to the relatives! Even he can’t entertain the baby for 10 minutes then heck no to 4 hours in the car. Maybe propose a deal: he feeds the baby one meal per day and entertains the baby while you shower each day, and you’ll do the trip. If he doesn’t then no trip.

Get the medication in suppository form. Not exactly dignified putting it in but it's gentler on the stomach. Diclofenac is my drug of choice but I can't take it orally.

Naproxen doesn't cause any sedation or grogginess.

I would look at it a different way. If HE wants to do this trip (which personally I wouldn't entertain) then HE needs to get himself in a position where that is possible. That is his motivation.

Having gone through similar surgery I'd say 2 weeks is too early to be off meds and an infection will knock him back 4+ weeks on expected recovery. I'd say 8 weeks, given the infection, before he is functional enough mentally to drive.

I'd suggest he takes max dose paracetamol 4 times a day. If he can stomach them he also takes the max ibuprofen.

In addition suggest he takes the codiene at tea time, then immediately does his exercise as that will have a huge impact for a while yet, then takes another set of codiene (4+hrs later) and goes to bed. That should enable him to sleep properly. If he wakes up 4hrs later he takes a 3rd set. It won't matter if he's drowsy as he's supposed to be asleep anyway! Same can be done with naproxen or anything else that 'makes him dowsy'. Hopefully a good night's sleep will improve everything else.

But if he can't spend 5 minutes sat next to the baby in a highchair then he cannot manage 2hrs in the car and how miserable is he going to be staying away from home!! And how much more difficult does it make your life to be out of your space when you have to deal with everything! No that would be a no for me for at least another month.

I wouldn't be going on the trip with him. I would be more patient with him though. I have taken codeen and i felt so tired. I wouldn't have trusted myself to do a simple task so caring for a baby would have been beyond me. Also physio took it out of me.