DH won’t take medication

[Foalypoly]

Short version: DH gets severe side effects of any medication he takes and refuses to take anything other than paracetamol post surgery.

Long version:
DH had hip surgery over two weeks ago. We have an11 month old baby and a dog, I’ve been doing everything for everyone which has been tough going.

I’ll probably get flamed for this but I’m becoming more and more frustrated with DH’s reluctance to take any medication. He has always been this way for as long as I know him. He reads the side effects and I feel like he convinces himself he has them.

He was on dihydrocodeine which he said made him feel very drowsy and nauseous (understandable) so was given naproxen. He said they also made him feel drowsy and nauseous, fair enough. He stopped taking all pain relief except paracetamol and then complained of being sore.

He then took an infection unfortunately so got given antibiotics and again suffered from nausea.

I suffered from severe for 6 months during my pregnancy and took cyclazine, I suggested he speaks to GP to request anti sickness meds. He was prescribed some, took one and said it made him feel drowsy and groggy so now won’t take any more. So now he’s back to feeling nauseous all day every day, despite only now taking paracetamol and antibiotics.

The dr also prescribed co-codomol but again he’s scared to take it as he says it’ll make him feel groggy and drowsy.

There are basic tasks he could help with such as feeding baby in his highchair or reading him a book to distract him for 10 mins while I have a shower however because of the nausea and drowsiness he doesn’t feel up to doing anything.

I’m going to sound awful but I’m getting so fed up of hearing him complain of his ailments. I fully understand he has had surgery and will experience some pain but it’s as if his expectations are too high and expects to be able to come off the strong painkillers already.

He’s arranged for us to go up and see his family two hour drive away next week. I said I don’t think it’s a good idea as he will likely feel car sick (based on a quick 10 min journey we took this week where he was floored with nausea afterwards). He said he doesn’t want to take his cyclazine but still wants to travel.

AIBU for thinking he should just take the medication he’s been prescribed? Can he seriously be so affected by these medications that he needs to lie in bed all day?

You do realise that the liver converts codiene based medication to morphine! So will affect people differently with regard to side effects.

I react really badly to almost everything- usually vomiting, often hives and always thrush so I do feel some sympathy for him, if I need an antihistamine I have to take it at night as they make me so drowsy- the car trip is crazy though

I can't tolerate codeine at all, makes me feel horrendous - as does morphine. I was really ill after having it post C section. But paracetamol and ibuprofen are more than enough to cope with post surgical pain.

My DH is just the same, OP, so now he gets zero attention or interest from me. It sounds harsh, but they're choosing to suffer and it's a form of negative attention. I just cut DH off with a "well if that was that bad, you'd take something" if he starts to moan, and I walk away.

Has he tried tramadol? I hate co-codemol - it makes me feel sick - but can tolerate tramadol.

He is a giant baby and really needs to grow a pair of ovaries and toughen up. The rule in my house is that if you haven’t done everything you can to help yourself, then keep quiet.
Tell him that trip can go ahead when he’s ready to pack the car, organise your baby, do all the driving. Not before.

I feel for you OP. Paracetamol is a great drug and for a young, (assuming) fit and otherwise healthy man, should be adequate.
I also think he needs to stop accepting prescriptions if he has no intention of taking the medication prescribed. He (and everyone else who does this) is costing the NHS a fortune in unnecessary prescriptions and wasting GP time.

To be fair, opiates and cyclazine have some major side effects.

Personaly I am severely intolerant to cyclazine and have to have a red wrist band in hospital because of it. But I’ve just spent four months in the top cardiac hospital in the country,and they no longer prescribe cyclazine because so many people just don’t respond well to it.

So I would get him to ask about a different anti sickness tablet such as metochlopromide.

It’s very common for people to not be able to take codeine or other pain relief. But two weeks in he should be able to be coping on paracetamol. Although if that’s all he’s taken throughout then he may have accumulated pain.

He’s being utterly, utterly pathetic. And using it as an excuse to get out of family responsibilities.

I’d say he is either generating symptoms psychologically though anxiety about getting symptoms, or he’s lying.

He is being ridiculous He can't complain about pain then refuse to take pain relief or then moan about the side effects of such medication
At times like this it's about choosing the least worst option and sucking it up for the sake of his family. I'd have blown a fuse by now

He needs to get a grip and help you if nothing else. Cheeky sod

Send him back home to his mommy and maybe take him back when he matures. Does the baby need to be burped after dinner, diapy change. Many send him back to his mommy until he grows up and can take care of himself. How off putting. Not cool at all. Maybe, not many.

yuck

Just tell him how you feel shouldering the entire burden while he refuses all the reasonable help he's being offered. Tell him how deeply unattractive you find his childishness, and tell him you're not going g on the trip and neither is the baby, and you're going to enjoy the break from his whining.

Send him back to mummy and have a relaxing time at home on your own terms without him.

lazy F’er

I’m hoping something good happened for you.

What your husband is describing doesn’t sound like a reaction at all. He sounds like the people who the doctors initially think I am saying I am one of when I tell them about my reactions . They get this look, like “oh, you get a bit nauseated or even throw up once, grow up” and it’s not until they see my records that they understand I’m in the very small percentage of people who actually can’t tolerate most pain medication or anesthesia.

I would be worrying that he is unwell. Is there a possibility he is worried or keeping something back from you?
Is he still seeing the physio? He may be able to talk through pain relief with her, there are non drug options.
Would he speak with a pharmacist? They are extremely good at discussing medication indications, contraindications, side effects and the likelihood of these.
Meanwhile is there someone who can help you and offer emotional support?

I can't take codiene, I've had it twice and both times I was sick, once I fainted. I've also been sick from anesthetic, I've had antisickness meds when needed since but I still feel faint and it takes me a long time to come round properly. Gas and Air also made me sick when giving birth so I did that on just paracetamol.
Some people genuinely can not manage side effects from medication. That said, I'm a woman so I still had to fight through the pain and get on with the childcare and housework. I suspect if he took the medication you want him to take he would still not do anything due to the side effects so you're fighting a loosing battle.

Get the RX filled then take you the accompanying leaflet describing side effects. If he has side effects he reports them to you and you confirm or deny. My dh used to do this with me…now I do it with him! Childish? Maybe but it might solve your problem.

And also, if one medication doesn’t work there are a million others.

Unwell in what way? He is seeing the physio once a week at the minute. He’s going to speak to the GP this morning about his pain and explain that anything codeine based (and naproxen) is making him feel groggy, drowsy and sick

Is he eating before taking Naproxen? You must have a little food on your stone before taking it and wash it down well, or it causes heartburn.

Nausea, according to the data sheet with mine, reading it now, says that nausea is a very rare side effect.

I think it's all in his head.

Lol, no. There’s not. For someone who reacts badly to many medications there’s really not “a million others”. I’ve seen multiple specialists go through lists of potential medications for my DH. Some get dismissed because of previous bad reactions. A few make it into a list to try. DH works his way through trialling them, with each one being intolerable due to side effects. That then leaves nothing. No alternative left. It might sound crazy or made up but I’ve seen it so many times with my DH.

Which blood pressure medication can you tolerate? My DH needs to be on something for his high BP but so far can’t tolerate any.

See now I feel a bit mean about my DH. He is a bit like the little boy who cried wolf though. He's such a drama queen about his health, when he does have something to moan about I assume he's over-exaggerating!

Perhaps he isn't tolerating his new BP medication after all. His GP has suggested he come off it for a week to see if his "side effects" really are side effects.

I will attempt to be a little more sympathetic!