DH has upset our loudly shagging neighbours

[SamFoodie]

Our neighbours can be quite loud when in the bedroom - both houses are detached, but with warmer evenings they often have their two bedroom windows open. This means we can hear all sorts - we’ve always assumed they are aware of this and it’s part of their enjoyment. They are both confident young professionals and to be fair are polite whenever we see them on the drive.

We have turned a blind eye to it, but now our DC is old enough to be playing in the garden regularly, two days ago next door were having a very vocal session at about 4pm whilst he was in our garden.

Both DH and I agreed this was a line crossed and that we’d say something but try to make it light hearted and not confrontational. They usually both commute together on a Wednesday and leave at a similar time, so DH was on look out in our front room and he’d disguise going out to his car as a way to speak to them.

Anyway, the woman appeared first and DH went out, assuming her partner would follow.

DH jokingly said to her something about it being a good seeing to yesterday, and she looked shocked.

Basically - they weren’t aware we could hear anything!!

Here is the issue - her partner wasn’t there yesterday morning but knocked after his work and took offence at how DH approached it and his terminology. DH apologised on the spot but it’s clear they are not happy with him.

Do you think we should have approached this differently, a note through the door? We thought we’d address head on and humour would be the best bet.

this must be a wind up post as surely no man would jokingly comment to his female neighbour that she was enjoying having a good seeing to as a way to tackle this?

It sounds as if your dh came across as pervy so I'm not surprised,I think he should've spoken to the husband not her on her own or written a note.

They're pricks for the selfish loud shagging and pretending not to know how sound works, your DH is a prick for wording it in such a gross misogynistic way

Come again?

Good grief - what was wrong with “could you keep the noise down in the afternoons please?”

What your husband said sounds purient and very inappropriate for a man to say to a woman in the street.

Hmm. I think the terminology he used and the fact she happened to be on her own is the problem here. Basically made himself look like a creep. A note through the door would have been better.

I don’t think there’s a right way of approaching this but it needed to be done. We like an afternoon when the house is empty but always keep windows shut and are still mindful of what’s around us.
their upset is embarrassment

If this is true and your husband actually used those words, your neighbours must think he’s a complete pervert. From the 1970s.

YNBU to want to address the situation, but from the neighbours point of view having your DH tell this woman that he hear sounds a bit pervy, and would give her partner cause for offence. I think you speaking to the woman, or DH speaking to the man, would have come across different.
as a next step I think you should pop over and say ‘my husband has a way with words(!) but we had both agreed to spy our chance to let one of you know your activities aren’t as private as you think. We’re sorry if this message has been delivered clumsily but we thought you needed to know, as neighbours will be enjoying gardens more over summer.

Come again 🤣🤣🤣

Seriously tho your dh is a knob. What was he thinking?

He needs to apologise

He should have waited and spoken to the man first.

You cannot seriously think that was the right way to approach it.

The man next door approaching a woman to say it too, just makes it even worse.

Is your DH completely incapable of telling the difference between ‘Look, I’m not sure you realise we can hear everything when you have your windows open?’ and ‘Fnar — good seeing to yesterday?’ followed by a chortle and a nudge?🙄

Completely inappropriate and creepy behaviour from your DH. And why on Earth did you both assume they were deliberately allowing you to hear? What a weird assumption. Plenty of people would forget they have a window open, not be aware of how much noise they make, not think about how noise can travel through an open window etc.

I think this sums it up very well.

@Pollybell Come again did make me laugh

That's not using humour at all. If my husband spoke to a female neighbour using that crude language (he wouldn't), I be fucking mortified.

No wonder her husband was pissed off.

The neighbours front door was open and DH assumed her partner would be following hence the jokey comment - but he was WFH and upstairs on a call.

Omg, cringe at 'a good seeing to.' I think he should have said something directly (not a note) or just left it.

The phrasing was poor and makes him sound like a creep.

Why are you defending his behaviour?

Ergh they need to lighten up

As if.

Oh my days. Yes YABU. He totally approached that in a wrong and pervy way

Come on surly you both know your husband making that comment to a woman on her own is creepy? I’m surprised her boyfriend didn’t punch him if I’m honest, I know a lot of men who definitely would have done more than have a word. I’d apologies and count yourselves lucky this guy is an upstanding citizen.

He didn’t actually say that to her did he?
Yes, it needs addressing but he just came across as creepy and pervy.

Or Carry On?