DH has upset our loudly shagging neighbours

[SamFoodie]

Our neighbours can be quite loud when in the bedroom - both houses are detached, but with warmer evenings they often have their two bedroom windows open. This means we can hear all sorts - we’ve always assumed they are aware of this and it’s part of their enjoyment. They are both confident young professionals and to be fair are polite whenever we see them on the drive.

We have turned a blind eye to it, but now our DC is old enough to be playing in the garden regularly, two days ago next door were having a very vocal session at about 4pm whilst he was in our garden.

Both DH and I agreed this was a line crossed and that we’d say something but try to make it light hearted and not confrontational. They usually both commute together on a Wednesday and leave at a similar time, so DH was on look out in our front room and he’d disguise going out to his car as a way to speak to them.

Anyway, the woman appeared first and DH went out, assuming her partner would follow.

DH jokingly said to her something about it being a good seeing to yesterday, and she looked shocked.

Basically - they weren’t aware we could hear anything!!

Here is the issue - her partner wasn’t there yesterday morning but knocked after his work and took offence at how DH approached it and his terminology. DH apologised on the spot but it’s clear they are not happy with him.

Do you think we should have approached this differently, a note through the door? We thought we’d address head on and humour would be the best bet.

And your dh makes it sound as though he didn’t just happen to hear them but was actively listening. And enjoying it.

Yes, yabu. I understand it isn't the 1940's but I think you should have approached the lady, your DH the man.
Your DH was acting like a creep.

Fine to have a word but your husband really went about this in the worst, perviest possible way 🤢

Oh dear. I’m afraid I laughed but it is really cringe the way your husband approached it, bloody hell. I wouldn’t worry about offending them there’s not much you can do about that. They’re probably mortified.

'hence the jokey comment'?! As if the man being there would have made the comment any better?
Awful wording and she probably thinks he's a right creep now. Does he use that wording when referring to the two of you?!

OP, you and your OH have handled this completely wrong! He has displayed himself as a lecherous pervert by approaching the female on her own, regardless of the fact that the door was open and her OH might be following her!

You best move now is to buy a bottle of wine, some flowers and both of you go round and speak to the couple……tell them what can be heard when their windows are open …….apologise for the way your OH spoke to her and resolve this now!

They were making love……she was not ‘getting a good seeing to’! FFS what planet does your OH live on?

It was poor phrasing. “Just to let you know the noise travels quite a lot, especially with the windows open, so if you wouldn’t mind trying to keep it down slightly, especially over the summer when little Tommy is playing in the garden, we’d really appreciate it”. Either said or as a letter through the door, would have been better. Obviously too late now, so I think you talking to them saying sorry for the clumsy way your DH brought the subject up, but, just to let you know the noise travels…”.

I’d go as far as to call bullshit on the “he thought her DH was right inside” line. If he thought her DH was just about to walk out and join them surely the obvious thing to do is say “Oh hi, I was hoping to catch you and DH to have a quick word”

It certainly would not be to catch a woman alone and make lewd sexual and sexist comments about her being “seen to” - because surely only a total creep would actually do that.

WTF? Even if her husband was coming straight out the door after her as your DH thought… just… don’t say that to someone.

Crikey, I’m imagining one of my neighbours saying that to me and DP in a jokey bantz way now. The horror.

Next time you are in the garden and they start shagging just put some music on. A Souza March will help things along. Also, maybe suggest some wife swapping.

Is he usually socially awkward? I can’t believe anyone would think that wording normal to say to a neighbour who you’re not close to. At a push, I could understand if they were a close friend who had that sort of a sense of humour and could just laugh it off, but otherwise that’s really weird to the point I’m thinking this isn’t real? Why would you think it’s okay, OP?

Well, your DH has solved the problem anyway. I don’t imagine they’ll have sex ever again. Well, not until they move house, which will be very shortly.

This has given me my first giggle of the morning.
Do your neighbours think everyone is deaf.

Ummmm... of course they didnt realise that sex noises can be heard through an open window 🙄

It is a shame your H lost the highground with his stupid remark, but if they REALLY are that thick at least it got the point across

At 4 pm on working day? I seriously need DH to get a WFH job..l

Well if they didn’t like the wording they should have thought about the fact that the sound could be heard through open windows by local children.
I think it’s more offensive having to listen to them than it is the wording your DH used. Yes, it wasn’t phrased the best, but if they had been more considerate of their neighbours nothing would’ve needed saying.

A note making them aware that neighbours can hear them would have been my first move

At least if they think he’s a perv they might now be quiet?

🫣oh dear OP, your DH approached this in an entirely inappropriate way. I think you need to have a proper grown up conversation with the neighbours or a post a written note apologising for his crassness but explaining the problem.

It would have been just as bad a way of approaching it even if her partner had been following.

What is it with men who make jokey little comments about stuff instead of saying what they mean or confronting emotions? “A good seeing to”? Seriously? Who even speaks like that? I’d be mortified! I know loads of men like this, everything comes out is a jokey little thing that they laugh off when sometimes they actually are trying to say something important. Like when my son was diagnosed with Coeliac, my male cousin said: ah well, it won’t make a difference with your cooking hahahaha. Like, just say something normal, why joke?

We had an issue with our neighbours. The woman was at fault. And we decided very quickly that I should approach her for a chat as it's potentially too intimidating to send a man in.

On a separate note, we're in a detached house and I think it means that the neighbours can hear nothing. Even with windows open, I think the gap between us and them means we have total privacy. These recent threads have made me more aware that I might be mistaken.

You husband cornered a young woman on her own and talked about her getting a 'seeing to' as if she was a passive sex toy for her partner, and you don't see how massively inappropriate and creepy that is?

The neighbours are pricks! People know when their sex is loud.

But your husbands choice of words weren't right in any way OP.

But it's done now, hopefully you won't hear them again.

She knew what she was doing when she was screaming the house down with the windows open and a child in the garden.

You should have tacked it head on and not made a joke of it.