DH has upset our loudly shagging neighbours

[SamFoodie]

Our neighbours can be quite loud when in the bedroom - both houses are detached, but with warmer evenings they often have their two bedroom windows open. This means we can hear all sorts - we’ve always assumed they are aware of this and it’s part of their enjoyment. They are both confident young professionals and to be fair are polite whenever we see them on the drive.

We have turned a blind eye to it, but now our DC is old enough to be playing in the garden regularly, two days ago next door were having a very vocal session at about 4pm whilst he was in our garden.

Both DH and I agreed this was a line crossed and that we’d say something but try to make it light hearted and not confrontational. They usually both commute together on a Wednesday and leave at a similar time, so DH was on look out in our front room and he’d disguise going out to his car as a way to speak to them.

Anyway, the woman appeared first and DH went out, assuming her partner would follow.

DH jokingly said to her something about it being a good seeing to yesterday, and she looked shocked.

Basically - they weren’t aware we could hear anything!!

Here is the issue - her partner wasn’t there yesterday morning but knocked after his work and took offence at how DH approached it and his terminology. DH apologised on the spot but it’s clear they are not happy with him.

Do you think we should have approached this differently, a note through the door? We thought we’d address head on and humour would be the best bet.

How convenient that your DH confronted the woman with an inappropriate comment when her husband wasn’t there.

He could have waited for her DH to show but didn’t.

Your DH is a prick.

And they can do what they want in their home.

Why have you assumed it was the woman making noise.

How sexist.

“Good seeing to” is cringe but at least they know now. I wouldn’t apologise. Damage is done on both sides. Move on. Do better.

Or OP and DH can just mind their own business.

That made me laugh.

Yes, not the best way to go about it but seriously - they thought no one could hear?? Pull the other one. Phnar phnar.

So zero sympathy for the neighbours. Like the OP said - they’re getting their kicks out of involving others in their sex life without their consent, if you want to be pompous about it. Not sure an inappropriate comment from a neighbour matters that much.

He didn’t need to address it directly. ‘There was a lot of noise coming from your house around 4pm yesterday and my little one was concerned by it. Maybe keep the windows closed? Enjoy your day.’

I have no idea why he thought telling her he could hear her having ‘a good seeing too’ would be less embarrassing! He does come across pervy but I’m sure that isn’t how he intended it.

I would say it is better for you to apologise (now your DH already has) and say you asked him to say something because of your child and he handled it badly. It makes sure they know this was not just your DH making lewd comments - it was an issue you both were trying to resolve.

Please let this be a wind up, because I audibly gasped when I read that.

Time to move, OP.

Does your husband have a to be told how to speak to women appropriately? He needs to apologise. He should have spoken to the husband alone and just mentioned maybe closing the windows when having a early night.

Your husband OP, is gross

You think women are silent during sex?

Let’s just say I won’t have what you’re having!

Dunno, after OPs update seems that she also doesn't see anything wrong with the way the message was given, just that her DH thought her male partner was coming behind her (sorry for the pun) to also hear it and it was ubfortunate he didnt, so if she pops over she'll probably refer to it by something equally cringe and make the situation even worse.

Maybe get MN to draft a note to go through the door and then neither party evermention it again!

I agree.

@SamFoodie - the only way you can potentially rescue this extremely awkward situation is to send them a written note along these lines - including very sincere apologies from your husband.

Your husband attempted to use humour to cover his awkwardness and has come across as a perv. The easiest way to deal with this is to apologise for causing offence but reiterate that noise from their bedroom travels and you do not want to have to answer awkward questions from your children or keep them in doors. If you don't feel you can do this face to face, which would be the best way to avoid future awkwardness, you could put a note through their door.

This wasn't a big deal but it's now awkward. "I just thought you should know that sound from your bedroom travels when the windows are open" was really all that was required.

Thing is what your husband has said hasn’t actually solved a goddamn thing. Perhaps they didn’t realise/forgot the windows were open or didn’t even consider the child in the garden.

In fact, my first thought to a man approaching me alone in this manner (making light out of how he knew a man had used me for his pleasure) my first thought would be that the creep was spying through my windows, not that their own child had perhaps overheard us.

Agree with this sentiment. Mention that your child can hear - enough said.

There's no way your partner could possibly be that obtuse.

Nice try. You know you were shaming the woman, not the man.

No way was this appropriate. Approaching a woman on her own like that. I’d have been freaked out /mortified as well.
i find the phrase “a good seeing to” repulsive as well for some reason.

Got proof she wasn’t the one screaming her head off?

No?

I’m not interested in you dragging the poor menz into a woman’s forum.

I think I'd have to move if I was in your position, OP!

I'd be so embarrassed if my OH had made a comment like that, I'd avoid seeing the neighbours for evermore.

I think you need to explain everything you've written in your op.

*edited to add, explain it to the neighbours, not to me.

I think it sounds pervy and creepy. What's wrong with just addressing the problem directly?

I had a neighbour that was shagging with the windows and curtains open during the day. Given I had kids outside and didn't want them to see that (they hadn't at that point), I knocked on the door the next day, told them I had young children in the garden and would they mind closing the curtains when they were doing private things in there.

It was never an issue again and it didn't impact neighbour relations. Everyone was happy.

Why on earth would he think that his pervy comment would magically be ok if the woman’s male partner was present?

I think he should thank his lucky stars the partner wasn’t present as I could see this could really have escalated if he had been with the husband’s creepy and wholly inappropriate comment. It’s not even ‘jokey’ it’s just vile.

Struggling to believe this is real especially when the OP seems to think that what her creep of a husband said was perfectly reasonable!