Comments about shape of body and clothes

[ChristmasTime2023]

Aibu to feel so upset and hurt by this?

This morning my mum said my dress looked awful on me and my hips looks 'absolutely massive' just as we was about to go out coffee
I felt pretty good about myself before hand as I've only recently starting wearing dresses again after losing 5 stone this past year and I've worked really hard and always struggled with my weight! I'm still overweight at a size 16 now instead of a 22/24

I quickly went to get changed and had abit of a meltdown because everything i tried on i felt too fat to wear.

We then had an argument when I come back downstairs as she probably could tell if had a little cry saying I'm being dramatic
My response was oh F off (that made the situation worse)

Has your mother never heard the adage "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all".

Well done on the weight loss, 5st is a lot. You should be proud of yourself.

Your F off response sounds understandable!

Am sorry your mum said that: nasty of her.

I bet you looked fine in the outfit. She has shown herself to be someone whose unsolicited opinions on your body are unwelcome.

Your response was exactly right.

She ought to be telling you how fabulous you look after your impressive achievement.

Do you live with her? If not, I hope you left.

I'm sure you looked lovely. Ignore what your mum said, she probably woke up in a bad mood after a hot nights 'sleep'.

Well done on the weight loss. It's very impressive.

That's lousy. You've done brilliantly losing all that weight too, but even if you hadn't your Mum shouldn't have said anything. I do think that mothers often forget how unkind they might sound, but what your Mum said does seem deliberately cruel.

I think you were right to say something to her, you deserve better than to be spoken to that way, especially when you are going out together.

I'm really sorry OP, don't let her discourage you.

Congratulations on your impressive weight loss!

You mother sounds like a nasty piece of work, and you telling her to fuck off wasn't unreasonable.

Is she overweight? Could she be jealous of your achievement?

That was nasty. Is she like that often?

Congratulations on your weight loss,

I think your oh fuck off response was about right.

No i don't live with her, I'm 35 with a family of my own (even if she did make me feel like a child again today) but I see her daily
Shes in her 70s and does say whatever she feels without care I do normally take things with a pinch of salt but I think because I've worked so hard to lose the weight this just really knocked my confidence today

Congrats on your weight loss! That is fantastic and I’m sure you looked great.

It’s possible your Mum might feel threatened by the new you, so deliberately wanted to make you feel insecure. Or was projecting her own body insecurities onto you :(

I wouldn’t take her comments to heart. She was completely out of line.

My mother used to make comments like that and if I got upset apparently I was too sensitive!

Well done on the weight loss, and my advise would be to use other people’s ‘blunt’ comments to motivate yourself to keep going.

Hope the day wasn’t totally spoiled but if it was, I’d you certainly didn’t start it!

Congratulations on managing to achieve such a massive weight loss whilst having your own familly and such a difficult mother to deal with.

Im sure you looked lovely - and that friends you have in real life can confirm. Once they’ve done this you can take it a sign that your mothers nasty hurtful little comments are just that and can must as you can muster be ignored.

Thank you!
She says she doesn't mean these things in a nasty way just having a conversation is what she said (and then the whole speech of i won't say anything again then I'm not allowed to talk ill sit in silence) 🙄

No she was always tall and skinny straight up and down, where as I am short and pear shaped

Unpopular opinion. If i was going out in something that didnt suit me, I would want someone to tell me!

Hmm some women do really struggle when another woman in their lives loses a lot of weight. It’s a strange and very sad phenomenon. Of your mum is very image and weight obsessed that might be the case. She may be trying to make sure you don’t get too big for your boots OP. It’s horrible but it happens a lot.

That just sounds like a nasty, spiteful thing to say that I can only assume is tinged with jealousy. I'm guessing of you looking better or maybe just for your achievement in losing weight.

Ignore her and go out and look fabulous in your dress on your own or with someone who will appreciate it!

I'm sorry to hear that, I do think mothers think they can say whatever they want and think it won't hurt out feelings

I just hate having an argument with her but she will very rarely take the blame for anything so I should learn by now to not take any notice of what she says
Although it's hard when your already self conscious

Like she did?!

I think if you are shopping with someone or trying things on and are asked your opinion - fine (in a nice way though!)
If someone is all ready and dressed up to go out I'd probably say keep your opinions to yourself unless it's really awful - ie ripped or see-through or something it shouldn't be

I agree if it was somthing really terrible or inappropriate to wear, but it was a maxi dress that covered everything not even tight fitted.
Also the comments about my hips, its not like somthing i can change today

Why do some mums do this to their daughters. Well done you on your weight loss x

Please don’t let it. My parents seemed to lose all sense of constraint when they reached their 70s, too. Not excusing your mum but I suspect it’s fairly common. With my mum, unfortunately, it was the beginning of dementia. Seems my stepdad just became rude 😁

In your position, I’d make it perfectly clear that you have a life of your own and no obligation to visit her every day. If she doesn’t stop behaving like this and being offensive, you’ll cut the visits right back.

You've lost five stone

Great achievement!

I bet you look great

She's tactless

I’m sorry OP, I’m sure you looked fabulous and congrats on the weight loss!

I’ve lost quite a bit of weight as well and I feel that people scrutinise our bodies and are much more pass remarkable than before the weight loss 🤦‍♀️ people need to learn when to zip it!

Thank you!
She is very critical and out spoken when it comes to me (my weight, house kids even my partner) normally just an eyeroll and ignore her
But the way she said my hips looked absolutely massive and the facial expression she used just seemed nasty today and upset me and sent me into a bit of a spiral about the way I look.

I agree. My mum and sister and I were all overweight. My mum has always been adamant is genetic and nothing could be done.
We actually grew up with a really unhealthy lifestyle, which was why

Eventually my sister and I made healthier lifestyle choices and lost weight, got fitter etc.

Mum was really bitchy... 'oh why have you bought that fancy dress, where will you ever wear that' 'i didn't have time to go jogging when you were little, I was too busy being a good mum and putting the kids first etc'.

We both keep her at arms length now. Weirdly she absolutely fawns over our brother's wife, who is attractive etc but spends huge amounts of time on herself despite having kids, with our parents bending over backwards to babysit whilst she goes for a run/ spends an entire day having her hair highlighted/ meal preps.

Mums can be really bloody weird to daughters at times.