Can I get DH to stop talking (boasting) about money?

[LotusBotus]

Whenever DH speaks to his parents, the conversation always seems to steer around to our finances.

Its understandable in some ways - DH has two companies both going through different stages of investment and fund raising. His parents are interested and ask questions about how it all works. That's fine.

But I find DH pushes the conversation beyond this towards something like boasting. The other day, for example, he told his parents we were looking at houses just to see what's out there. And he told them our (quite big) budget which just felt really unnecessary.

I've told DH I find it really uncomfortable but he doesn't see it. I've asked him to stop but he won't.

Not sure what I'm asking here, just need to get my thoughts out.

He’s talking to his parents and is proud of his success, I don’t understand the issue unless his parents are doing terribly and it comes off as snide.

I think to parents this is fine as long as they don't look uncomfortable but to anyone else it would be embarrassing.

They’re his parents! Of course he should be able to talk to them about money.

I generally dislike boasting about money in social situations...but I think it's absolutely fine to discuss with very close family like this.

Budget for house is fine and relevant to the conversation

I don’t see any issue with telling his own parents what house price he’s looking at? We’ve done that in the past when looking and my mum then was actually the one who spotted a perfect house for us.

Why is it boasting to mention your budget? When you spoke of it, you felt had to add the “(quite big)” description. Is that boasting? Or just adding context to a conversation?

I think if it's a confidential conversation with his DPs then ok. Presumably they have supported him in his business ventures.
However if they then go blabbing round friends and family about your finances THAT would piss me off big time!

If it's only his parents then I wouldn't have a problem with this. If it's with friends and colleagues then I'd be cringing.

I think this is a perfectly normal and reasonable thing to talk to his parents about. They're his parents - it's not up to you to dictate how he talks to them! It doesn't even sound boastful tbh. If he were going on about your house budget to strangers, or to friends he knew were much less well-off than you, you might have a point.

Two of my DDs are both doing very well for themselves. They occasionally message or call me to tell me about new promotions/salary increases/what they hope to do with their money.

They want to be ABLE to boast and get some congratulations, and I, as their mum, am the only person they feel that they can do this to! They can't do it to friends because it would, rightly, come across as boasting. And I am utterly delighted for them and full of the congratulations and like to hear all their plans.

Better me than others!

That's DH's logic - they're his parents, they wanted him to do well, he's showing how well he's done. I do understand the logic but it feels uncomfortable to me.

I also think how well you've done financially becomes clear in other ways and at other times without having to say "Hey, mum and dad, we've got money" constantly. But it looks from comments like I'm in the minority here.

The house budget thing didn't feel relevant to the conversation, I felt he crowbarred it in just to say how much we had. But that's a bad example!

No, his parents have had nothing to do with the businesses at all.

Fine to discuss with his parents.

But, (me being long in the tooth), I might be privately slightly concerned about a potential mismatch between his quite generous budget for a house and “two companies both going through different stages of investment and fund raising”

I get this - I love it.

The point is that your DDs 'occasionally message' you to boast. I feel like my DH is boasting every single time he talks to his parents.

I was going to totally agree with you, until I saw it was his parents. It's quite sweet in a way that he wants them to be proud of him!

I'm with you, I don't talk about money, or at least amounts to my family or friends or anyone. My ex - he used to with his family and it was really irritating. I could see them calculating things in their heads when I bought something or when you booked a holiday, or paid for a meal. They used to outright ask what things cost and I used to be embarrassed/annoyed and just say I can't remember. Him and his family were all money grabbers, tight and laughed at others misfortune and didn't sit well with me at all.

How is budget not relevant?

Hey m & d, we're buying a house

Ooh lovely what are you looking for?

X bedrooms in x

Oh that's going to expensive/cheap

we've got xxxx to spend, so should be able to find something

I think it’s actually quite sad that you feel he shouldn’t talk to his parents about money.

But here its the parents who raise the issue of money which is totally different. DH basically opened the conversation with our budget!

I don't think he shouldn't talk to his parents about money.

My issue is that I feel he crowbars our financial situation into every conversation he has with them without any prompting and even where it seems pretty tangential.

I see, though, that I'm being unreasonable about this.

Does he do this with anyone else?
If it's only with his parents, you can roll your eyes and let him crack on. If it's anyone else you can ask him not to.

I would never be anything other than proud and delighted if one of my DCs was doing so well financially, I would love to hear about it.

I dont think boasting is a thing if you are talking to your parents.You're being oversensitive

I don't know to be honest.

YABU