No Fathers’ Day cards for DH

[BanjaxedBanshee2]

DH didn’t receive cards from any of our adult children this year. There are things going on with all of them but I have to say I’m annoyed on his behalf. He is hurt but trying not to show it.

Would I be unreasonable to mention it to them?

Unless there’s a backstory of a fall out or anything like that, yes they are unreasonable

You say there’s things going on for all of them, so maybe a card really wasn’t a priority. Do they show love for their dad throughout the year, and birthdays etc?

Either there’s more to story that 3 adult DCs have all decided your DH didn’t deserve a card, or theyre simply busy adults with adult problems and your DH is over reacting.

Has he offered support to them while they’re going through a tough time?

Yes I would tell them he's hurt that none of them sent him a card. Can you not speak frankly to your children?

I would, that’s awful of them

Did they remember Mother’s Day?

Does he remember their birthdays?

If they are adults, then it's their choice. Please don't say anything to them - that would be embarrassing. Be the bigger person, and just rise above it.

Oh please, it takes 5 minutes to buy a card and send it, and seconds to do a moon pig card or something

I posted my dad's card last Wednesday and it still hasn't arrived yet.

Was it no card, or no acknowledgment at all? If they rang up for a chat, or eg sent a nice photo with a happy Father’s Day message, that would seem fine to me. But then I’m not British, and I find the British obsession with sending cards and the idea that they are somehow better than a phone call a bit bizarre.

I’d say something.

FIL did to DH one year. DH genuinely didn’t think he’d be bothered that he hadn’t sent a card or done anything. They had a nice afternoon at the pub this year (DH isn’t a card person).

That’s true, and makes me wonder why all 3 DC didn’t want to spare that 5 extra minutes for their dad?

They could all be behaving selfishly, or there’s a backstory, i.e him not being supportive whilst theyre going through it, and them not thinking he’s been a particularly great dad, hence no cards.

Gosh…I didn’t send my (much loved) dad a card, and neither did DH, and neither of our school aged kids gave him one. Some years we vaguely acknowledge it if we happen to have spotted a card we like and others we don’t, but would never occur to any of us there was something that needed addressing because we failed to buy into it! I imagine it just wasn’t on your children’s radar!

With my 2 adult Sons, one always gets a card, the other doesn’t believe in cards, (his words) but he gave DH chocolates. DH isn’t that bothered, just pleased to see them.

Curious, did any of them ring to say happy Father’s Day though?

I probably didn't do this in my 20s as likely to have missed it was father's day especially when I was abroad with a different father's day. I do something now but I have kids so notice it. I would probably just remind them next year. My DSiS totally forgot my birthday but I wasn't hurt as I know she loves me, is generally a bit forgetful about that stuff and has tons going on just now so I can understand

Did they visit or call to say happy fathers day?

I admit mine didn't get a father's day card this year. I was sure I'd bought one, but could not find it anywhere on Sunday morning.
I did visit him though, and gave him gifts.

He was in my car today and picked up a bag and out came the father's day card I'd bought!! The price sticker was still on it and he asked me in a very "grumpy dad" way why I'd spent so much on a bit of folded card I told him he was worth it!

So I think if there was no card and also no acknowledgment of the day, no gift, no text, nothing... then yeah that's quite hurtful. If they showed they cared in other ways but just not with a card, that's different.

Depends if they rang up, if they did then it would be unreasonable to Complain about a card.

It depends

Was your DH neglectful, or emotionaly or physically abusive and no their childhoods?

Has he recently done something they consider to be beyond the pale?

What's the level of 'things going on' for the adult kids? Are we talking about they can't find matching socks to wear, they've lost their job, or a loved one has just been diagnosed with something awful? If a piano just fell on your DIL for example, sending a father's day card might not be that important to your DS right now

If they're just lazy, forgetful and thoughtless, by all means express your dissapointment

If I was your DH I'd be feeling neglected by the children.

However, Father's Day was invented by a card company to boost their sales. Unlike Mothering Sunday which is a date in the church calendar when people traditionally went to their Mother Church as parish churches didn't always have a resident parish priest.

We have 4 DS & a DD -all grown up now, youngest will be 29 in August. DH only got 2 cards from DCs - from DD & DS3. He's rather upset, but stoical about it as I've reminded him that Father's Day is only a marketing exercise, not a real thing.

However, I've texted the DCs who didn't sent cards saying DH is rather miffed & suggesting that they text him to apologise & explain that they were busy or whatever.

No back story, no falling out.
DH is a constant support to all of them, more practically for one, more emotional for another and a bit of both for the other.

One isn’t a card person but knows we appreciate a nice card, rang DH after being prompted by me, the middle one usually remembers but sent a brief message this year, the other can be a bit unreliable.

Pure coincidence that all three didn’t manage to get it together to get a card in the post. They love their dad, that isn’t in doubt, it just feels a bit rubbish.

I do know a card isn’t necessary but it would have been nice.

If there are things going on with them as you say and if it is out of character for them, I would be inclined to just ask them if everything is ok/can you help in some way.
If the things going on for them are intense then it’s easy to forget a day.

Its not a big event like a birthday/Christmas is.

Update, DH has had texts from 2 DS saying so sorry & sending their love. One is still in the Royal Navy & abroad ATM & was honest about being too busy & just forgot. DH gets this. The other one lives in USA & said that he'd only just realised that it was Father's Day in UK (not sure if they have it in US on the same day, but I'm not going to poke that bear). He's yet to hear from youngest, but he's a chef on IOW so was probably very busy - he's also the one who has to be reminded about his father's birthdays, my birthday etc etc.

Out of curiosity, when you realised no cards hadn’t arrived by Saturday’s mail, why didn’t you message each of them reminding them to call him the next day to wish him happy Father’s Day? I expect a lot of adult men, unless they have children of their own, have a clue when Father’s Day is. Unless you happened to clock the small stand of cards in the local supermarket, how would you know?

Well it's all over Tesco and every other shop I've been in. It's also been on the television and across the news/SM. It'll also be on a lot of people's google etc calendar. As well as being surrounded in work by people possibly mentioning it.