Kid screen time hell

[GreenTurtles3]

I have 3 children age 5-8. 2 can manage screen time I think appropriately -do lots of other things; sports, Lego, games, reading, toys as well as watch tv and play some switch games. My 8 year old DD however would be on screens 24/7 if I let her. She plays Roblox with her cousin and 3 friends from school under my supervision and really enjoys it, laughing all the time and chatting via video call at the same time. She also likes to watch what I call American Brain Mush on YouTube. Kids just opening boxes of plastic shit or trying on clothes.
I am not happy with her dependence on screens and as a result we seem to be 'at war' a lot of the time. With me nagging her to get off screens or her begging me for more screen time. She doesn't have any friends to play with where we live which makes me feel guilty for taking away her mode of socialising. She says everyone else has unlimited access to screens and that I am making her 'weird' to her friends. I just don't know what to do. Am I a dinosaur mum? Do I need to move with the times?
tonight I've taken away her iPad as she refused to end her game and have a shower ready for school tomorrow. I'm planning on keeping it hidden all week for us all to have a reset. Am I out of order? She's a lovely kid with a gorgeous heart and I don't want to be upsetting her but I feel I have a duty to keep her screen time in check. Help!

The way we deal with DS9’s access to such content is to simply have YouTube and YouTube kids blocked on his laptop, on our TV and he doesn’t have any other devices. Bingo. Laptop is used for homework, Chess Kid, Edu Blocks coding, Scratch, Microsoft word.

He has access to PlayStation 5 which belong to DH for two hours on weekends. That is for FIFA and single player Minecraft.

No issues. He’s 10 in a few months.

Mine all have time limits. Even my older teen has limit set to cut home off at 10pm on a school night as he can't regulate

How do I block on the tv?

YouTube is banned here unless it's watched on our adult devices for a specific video for school or something.

I also wouldn't let mine near Roblox. I hear such awful things about it. If they want to play a game then they can play mario kart or super mario brothers..something that isn't online based.

I’d delete Roblox and have a 1 hour per weekend day timer on the rest. And no screens on weekdays. Tell her the rules and stick to them.

Just uninstall the YouTube app? A lot (all) of what you describe is down to access isn’t it?

Why does she have access to YouTube or even YouTube kids?
why does she have unlimited access to devices?
why does she have access to multiplayer gaming, aged 8?

I have a boy who is nearly 10 and I just can’t see all this access happening at all.

I wouldn’t ever allow an 8 year old unlimited access, and I would NEVER let them watched whatever they wanted on YouTube or play Roblox. There are a lot of horror stories about Roblox. And YouTube (unless a specific video about a specific thing which I have to agree to) is full of absolute shite.

Unfortunately, the horse has bolted here so you’re going to find it far more difficult to go backwards than if you’d never let her have access in the first place. But you have to try, even if it upsets her and causes arguments in the interim, you have to stand firm.

I'd stop watching the brain mush. It's just not needed.

For general screen time I would set a daily limit, tell her what this is and then stick to it absolutely and completely. There will undoubtedly be tears and tantrums initially, but once she realises the system is here to stay no matter what then she will eventually come to accept it and the war will be over.

Thanks for the feedback. I'm pleased to hear that other families have screen rules as I was starting to feel that I am the only one. None of the other mums I speak to enforce anything and the kids are watching all kinds on YouTube.
For clarification, she doesn't have unlimited or unrestricted access to YouTube or Roblox. YouTube kids app under my supervision and is restricted to the 5-8 year olds area. I am aware that things can get around the filter which is why I don't let her have it unsupervised. I hate it though. It really is just a load of shit. Roblox was off limits until recently when I was made to feel the only mum not allowing it. Literally all the kids in her class play on it and she was in tears each day as she couldn't join in with the chat in school. I have it locked down to 3 friends with no chat and only a couple of games.
tha k you for the feedback though. I'm taking away all screens for a reset this week with new boundaries in place after that.
I would rather her learn good habits around screen use and regulation rather than an outright ban as she will be a teenager with a phone one day that I cannot police 24/7.

Fair play OP, sounds sensible to me

My DD tries the "but EVERYONE is on it!!!" line. I ask a few mums at the school gates.

No one is on it.

I have a 7.5 year old and a 9 year old (nearly 10). They share a switch which they play mario kart, mario party or animal crossing on (also have Minecraft but aren't very interested in it). They each go on while the other is at a club on a Sat morning and then sometimes on a Sunday as well depending on what we're doing. Limiting it during the week doesn't really come up as they do lots of activities after school or are looked after by grandparents so there isn't time anyway. We have a family tablet which they occasionally use for school spelling and times table apps but absolutely not YouTube- I feel the same as you about it, hate the absolute mindless, consumerist shite on it - wouldn't watch it as an adult and certainly not letting it rot my kids brains. They watch cbbc instead and the occasional quiz- Tipping Point is a favourite! My kids definitely hear about roblox and YouTube stuff at school but I don't feel I'm depriving them by not allowing it. But this is all to say that other parents do have screen boundaries in place and I highly doubt that every kid in your 8 year olds class is playing roblox because I know of plenty in my 9 year olds class who aren't allowed to.

@Beetletweetle@parietal@WhereIsMyJumpercan I ask what the risks are for Roblox? DD10 plays a bit but she just does a sort of life sims game where she wanders around and buys houses / takes her daughter to daycare?! Seemed very innocent when I watched.

My DS (albeit much younger than your DD) was also watching that same rubbish on YouTube, I know exactly the kind you’re talking about. Just absolute mindless trash. It was really agitating me and eventually I just though nope I’m the parent, I get to choose and just banned YouTube one day. I thoight there would be a big show down but honestly he just accepted it and never asked again!! And that’s from being totally obsessed!
Then about a year later I was overall so sick of the constant screen time/asking for screens that I just banned it for a week. And in the end we just never went back apart from 1 family movie all together once per week. Again he’s barely even asked for it, he’s accepted it so well, and it’s stopped all that whinging/moaning asking for it constantly.
He’s a very challenging kid and he was completely hooked so honestly if he can accept no screen time anyone can. You may well be totally surprised by how well your DD does without screens. I think my son probably felt relief in the end as I think it was making him feel quite rubbish, and it may be same with your DD. I think they need you to say no and take it away. The same way I need someone to just take a box of chocolates away from me sometimes 😅

We have youtube blocked. DS1 is now old enough to access it on his phone but rarely does. I would really recommend blocking all that mindless shite while you can and developing her interests in real world things.

That's what my daughter plays on. It seems very innocent!

Tha k you so much. This has given me hope!

Read 'The Anxious Generation' by Jonathan Haidt. How there has been a childhood reset from discovery play to online. It also lists the research into the damage it has done to boys and especially girls. Read/listen and you'll feel empowered to take the devices away 🤞🏼

There's nothing wrong with Roblox, my kids have played it for years. Even my 5yo plays on it with me watching and I've never seen anything concerning.

Op I would restrict YouTube or delete it altogether. We have a rule that they are not allowed to watch YouTube on our main TV and I wouldn't let them watch it until they were at secondary school.

Sexualised content created by users, violent content, bullying, scams, talking to strange adults, grooming, gambling... Lots of potential issues involved hence the need for close supervision, especially the chats etc.

https://www.internetmatters.org/advice/apps-and-platforms/online-gaming/roblox/

https://www.truplaygames.com/resources/post/complete-parents-guide-to-roblox

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c5yrjkl7dd6o

A child at my kids' school was groomed on Roblox. He was 7. A lot of it is innocent and I'm sure tens of thousands of children play it without any issues but that possibility is there if parents aren't locking down the chat feature (which it would seem a lot do not).

OP I am quite strict about screen time. My child closest in age to yours (9 year old DS) gets 30 mins Minecraft a week and 3 or 4 nights of watching an approved TV show/film. No YouTube, no Roblox, no flicking channels. You're definitely not alone in imposing limits!

They aren't allowed to chat if they're under 13

Teen now but DC had access to Roblox from since about 8 years old.

Roblox is fine, but have you added age restrictions? Disabled private chat? Limited chat? Limited spending? Absolutely sit with DD while she plays. Add parental controls to devices so that it cuts off Roblox and other apps after a certain time, so it’s not you but the device doing the restricting (that’s how I sold it to DC - can’t argue with a device - it was an update!).

Also, why is she on devices more than her siblings? Maybe DD needs to do similar amount of activities as them? Great way to make friends too.

That assumes a parent has set it up correctly and the kid hasn't bypassed it etc.

So many parents haven't a clue about these things.

She's 8 just take the screens away! My DS is the same age, he'd happily play nintendo games & the like all the time if left to it. So i simply don't allow it.

He gets an hour a day on a saturday & sunday.

Nothing at all mon - fri & that's not unusual among his friends. Lots have pretty much no access at all to tablets/nintendo switches/phones.