Kid screen time hell

[GreenTurtles3]

I have 3 children age 5-8. 2 can manage screen time I think appropriately -do lots of other things; sports, Lego, games, reading, toys as well as watch tv and play some switch games. My 8 year old DD however would be on screens 24/7 if I let her. She plays Roblox with her cousin and 3 friends from school under my supervision and really enjoys it, laughing all the time and chatting via video call at the same time. She also likes to watch what I call American Brain Mush on YouTube. Kids just opening boxes of plastic shit or trying on clothes.
I am not happy with her dependence on screens and as a result we seem to be 'at war' a lot of the time. With me nagging her to get off screens or her begging me for more screen time. She doesn't have any friends to play with where we live which makes me feel guilty for taking away her mode of socialising. She says everyone else has unlimited access to screens and that I am making her 'weird' to her friends. I just don't know what to do. Am I a dinosaur mum? Do I need to move with the times?
tonight I've taken away her iPad as she refused to end her game and have a shower ready for school tomorrow. I'm planning on keeping it hidden all week for us all to have a reset. Am I out of order? She's a lovely kid with a gorgeous heart and I don't want to be upsetting her but I feel I have a duty to keep her screen time in check. Help!

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The Evidence

Hammer. iPad. Problem solved.

Can you go cold turkey? It may mean getting rid of devices. We simply have never let our kids (6 and 2) watch TV or use devices, as I was worried about it creeping up. I know it may cause battles as they get older but so far they have never complained.

You have my sympathies OP. I have two DC and one of them is the addictive type when it comes to screens. I have my ideals, but find it hard to stick to them due to my own mental health. Sometimes I just need a break, or I will break, and screens give me that break. Then I get appalling behaviour because their brains are fried by screens. It’s a vicious cycle!

I agree to all those saying to nix the Roblox, due to the risks. Other than that, try to stick with programmes from reputable streaming services. If you feel you can, you could chat with your DD’s friends’ parents and see if they are having same issues. If they are, you could all do a bit of a reset together so that your DD doesn’t feel left out. You never know, those parents might be struggling too and appreciate you initiating something!

If you search for Roblox dangers lots comes up

https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2025/apr/14/risks-children-roblox-deeply-disturbing-researchers

Definite time limit then screen away or she will end up an adult phone zombie.

I allow unlimited screen time.

BUT

The rule is that we are reasonable about it. If I tell you it's time to put it down and eat dinner, or get in the car, or go for your shower, come and do something as a family etc. then you do it with no fuss (I, too, am reasonable, and will give a 10 minute warning of dinner or whatever so they know it's time to wrap up - until they're older, and no eldest DS for example is expected to know to switch it off himself in time to leave for school etc). At bedtime it's plugged in and they go to sleep without it (I'm lucky, my kids pretty much just roll over and go straight to sleep)

I also have strict limits on what they can watch, controls on what they can download, monitoring on their searches, and if I hear them watching something I don't like the sound of, it's blocked. They are only allowed to friend people they know in real life, and they know the rules about not using their real name or telling people stuff about themselves. They generally used their devices in the same room as me when they were younger so I could hear what they were doing (hence the rule about blocking anyone I found annoying on youtube)

If there's any fuss, then they know I will implement screen time limits, and they don't want that, so they stay reasonable.

I think you have to find a middle ground and not bann screen time completely.

It's DC's way of socialising and gathering information. They also need to learn how to behave/ handle / digest / anything that they see online. It's for them being safe once they hit the teenage years and your influence will dwindle very fast.
Always have screens in a public place in your home. That's definitely a battle worth fighting for!
Have set times for YouTube for example, after homework and before dinner (depending when you eat this can be as little as 10minutes!)
Playing online games after dinner (insert some chores like washing up loading dishwasher) until say 7:30pm ... then it's something quieter like reading & bedtime.
Make sure you talk to your DC about the things they watch & play.

(My DS didn't even take anything in that he was watching on YouTube- which resulted in him struggling with concentration on longer tasks. The quick, instant gratification and easily dipping in and out can be very damaging)

The issue is other players can interact and not all of them are children

paedophilles will go on these platforms to gain access to kids and try to get them to chat outside of the games

Roblox not allowed here, as I’m not confident it can be made safe. For YouTube we have the mode where I have to approve which channels or videos DD can watch.

Presumably she’s at school during the week with her friends anyway so there’s no need to be feeling guilty that she doesn’t have friends nearby, you could then make a point of organising more stuff with friends at the weekend so she’s not communicating with them online instead. At 8 this is still under your control.

Can you do something to facilitate her making local friends who she can go to play with?
Brownies/Cubs, library classes, sports teams etc in your area would be a good place to start looking, and would also give her an activity away from screens.

You shouldn't feel bad about implementing new rules based on what you think is best, even if it goes against the social norm - I'm sure there's other parents in her class that are thinking the same ("I want my child on screens less, but everyone else is using them, so I feel bad"), who would be up for arranging playdates! There's also plenty of Facebook groups of local parents, especially the phone-free/screen-free childhood type ones, where you may find other people who'd be keen to meet up, or can share tips.

I'd also recommend taking the TV/tablet etc out of action for a while, and replacing it with a box of toys/ games. (Remove the power cable/ batteries from the remote/ untune it so it doesn't work or connect to the internet).
Uno/chess/drafts/jigsaws/ painting supplies/craft kits/ pack of cards/ board games/ lego are a great place to start - try to have some things she can do independently, and some which she needs others for (siblings or parents).
Family board game nights are also great for getting everyone away from screens.

My 9yo DS has an (old) Kindle Fire tablet which he uses now and again. It has minecraft on, but only single player. His school also set homework on there and he does Times Table Rockstars on it for school too. We enabled parental controls to limit it to 1.5hours weekdays and 2hours weekends. Once it hits that screentime each day it turns off and he can't use it. He's honestly not bothered by this, and it helps him regulate his screen time into small blocks during the day as he knows a big chunk will rinse through the screen time limit more quickly.

He also has a Nintendo Switch. He hasn't even played that since about March and isn't too fussed right now. As it's summer he's out playing with neighborhood friends on bikes/scooters out the front of, and isn't pushing for screen time. In winter he does, admittedly, watch more TV/play Switch more.

I removed the Youtube app from all but one of our TVs. My youngest is 4 and would happily watch endless YT rubbish all day if left to his own devices, so I just deleted it and said the TV had run a SW update and somehow YT is no longer available. They accepted this outright, and I wasn't the bad guy!

My advice is much the same as above:

• Remove Youtube apps from TVs and iPads. It's not needed and is brain-rot!
• Enable screen time limits on devices so they switch off after a certain time.
• Look at local sports or drama clubs. My kids are out most of the time at cricket club, swimming lessons etc. so don't really have time for much screens and don't see screens as their way of socialising which is key here I think.

Also.... I work in tech and DH is a teacher. Both our industries/professions are clear on risks of Roblox, and I won't let DS have that app as a result. The risks of inappropriate content and user chat functions are not worth it. There are parental controls to apply in the app, but these do not seem robust enough.

We banned the ‘brain mush’ too - DD is not allowed to watch any kind of unboxing or haul videos. Youtube is only allowed on the TV where we can see what is being watched. Ipad is locked down so she can only watch content/use apps approved by me and is bricked totally between 8.30pm and 8.30am. It’s wifi only so fairly useless out of the house. She doesn’t have any kind of phone, social media or gaming access and I don’t plan on allowing those any time soon. Her primary school have just banned smartphones entirely. She’s 10. She is in no way bullied or excluded due to the above. Make the change @GreenTurtles3 you won’t regret it!

Thank you, this is really good advice.

Thank you. This is really good advice (although it made me feel really sad too). She's not a confident or sporty child and is always reluctant to try new things. The business of our family - 2 working parents, 3 children as well as pets mean that activities and 1-1 time has to be squeezed in. I do worry about her feeling lonely. She's quite self conscious as she's very tall for her age and is naturally shy. I'm going to have a chat with her about new activities she would like to try, something to widen her social life and experiences. Sadly, sports activities for girls locally are limited. She doesn't like dance or gymnastics and there are waiting lists for brownies. Library was shut down for to council cuts and after school activities stopped, again due to cuts. If you're a sporty boy however, the opportunities are endless locally!

I would rather her learn good habits around screen use and regulation rather than an outright ban as she will be a teenager with a phone one day that I cannot police 24/7.
even when they’re teenagers you need to police it 247. It’s called parenting and sounds like your child is very susceptible to bad habits that you will need to intervene on. I know this because my daughter is the same and I don’t expect her to magically be able to self regulate just because she’s 16 so I’m mentally preparing for having the same argument with her for the next 6+ years and it sounds like you should also be preparing for this!

Basketball or netball if she's tall! Get her a hoop.

@GreenTurtles3 you say you have pets? Can she do a bit more around them?
Also in regards to sports, you don't have to be sporty to enjoy sports.... my DD started martial arts at that age. We didn't start it for the spory aspect but as a form of self defence (she was slightly built and massively lucked confidence).
There were quite a few girls just like her and made a lot of friends. We found the community was really lovely and welcoming to everyone.... DD is an adult now but both of us are still in contact with a few people from back then!

We have screen time rules for our 7yo DD, but it's rare we have to enforce them much anymore. She might go a couple of weeks basically forgetting about her iPad. It's a mix of her being busy with other activities, us putting in place a system for her to get a set amount of piano, spelling and reading practice in during the week, and the occasional "c'mon, it's time to turn that off". I'd guess she averages about 1 hour a week on the iPad, and has not yet discovered any games like Roblox etc.

For enforcing limits - we bought a TP-Link wifi hub to get a stronger signal throughout our home. An unexpected benefit is parental controls via an app, which lets us group certain devices by named profile and disable their network connection. We can disconnect just my daughters.

“They also need to learn how to behave/ handle / digest / anything that they see online”

This is often used as an excuse for letting kids online. I don’t buy it. It’s our job to protect our kids, not to expose them to harm so they can learn how to handle it. Someone once told me that they wouldn’t let their daughter go to an all girls school because they need to get used to how boys will treat them (sexting, physical and verbal abuse etc etc). It’s completely illogical. They learn how to handle these things with age and maturity (and being taught by their parents).

I didn't say let your DC go online and leave them to it, let them be abused and get square eyes from too much screen time.

My advice is yes, let them watch pointless videos on YouTube, yes, let them play games online with their friends, BUT it has to be supervised!!!
Have the computer in your front room, don't let them use head phones and TALK to your DC about what they are doing and seeing. Teach them that a) there is an off button if friends become annoying, b) that you are interested and happy to listen to them and c) no need for secrets.
Online stuff is here to stay, companies target children and their pester power targets us.

Sadly it's the way DC socialise these days and far to many parents let it happen. And DC who are not following the crowd soon become outsiders. So if you care about your DC, let them play games with friends, but in a controlled, open manner.

Because when they go to their friends house where online gaming is allowed you won't ever know what is going on!

So after reading all the advice... today I deleted the YouTube app off all TVs and devices in the house. I have also taken away the iPad until the weekend at least. There was lots of grumbling and one tantrum after her sport activity tonight but she was tired and hangry so kind of expected! She was fine once she'd eaten and then we made bracelets together until bedtime.

I noticed my 5 year old starting to enjoy screen time more and more. He’d use my iPad to watch ridiculous things on YouTube, similar to what your daughter watches, and would NOT listen to me or follow instructions when on it! So the iPad is now “broken” and it’s been absolutely lovely watching him enjoy playing with his toys this week. He has my brother’s old PS3 which he loves playing Toy Story, Shrek etc on but that’s only allowed on weekends late afternoon/evening when we’re back from a day out 😊. I think it just depends on their behaviour and how much the screens affect them - for my son it was definitely affecting his behaviour and I’m glad I’ve took the my iPad away from him.

So your child enjoys gaming and socialising. She also chills out by watching repetitive videos. Liking activities that are screen based isn’t bad. I assume you also enforce limits on sports time and book time and craft time. My own childhood obesity was caused by reading too much, my mother should have limited my book time to an hour at the weekend perhaps.

All children should have opportunities for lots of different activities but being the type of kid who enjoys screen based activities is no better or worse than being the type of kid who enjoys arts and crafts or reading or playing with small world toys, it’s just parents feel better about those because they feel less judged.

There’s nothing wrong with supervised Roblox. I quite often play with my children (I’m one of their Roblox friends) we do all types from the most educational maths obby to building our Barbie dream houses. Lots of options, lots of scope for socialising and chat and creativity and it is indeed part of how many kids socialise, playing together and chatting in real life or on discord. This socialising is not less valuable because it’s virtual and can be vital for more socially isolated kids.

Personally I don’t see the appeal of unwrapping type videos and my kids aren’t into them but I also don’t see the appeal of lots of crap adults watch from soaps to reality shows but I assume they help them chill out and I imagine that’s the same for kids. Chilling out sometimes is ok. If real life is interesting enough nobody will spend their life chilling out watching this stuff unless there’s something else at play like depression or overstimulation or stress. (ND kids sometimes use repetitive videos or games to regulate for example as they’re so predictable)

I am with your daughter here, you are there to support her interests (even if they aren’t yours) keep her safe and guide her not to crush parts of her you don’t much like. Limits, supervision, interest, shared viewing and playing all good. Banning not so good.