To not send my children to school because I need to fly ?

[Paticake]

I have to fly tonight and my kids have been left with my mum, she lives two hours away. Is it ok that they don’t go to school or am I a terrible parent for picking work over the kids?

For me it’s not about the school absence in terms of its impact on learning, more the fact that is quite avoidable, unlike your illness situation.

I’m not from the UK and the obsession with school attendance is really weird to me , but I think if you don’t have the support that enables your children’s lives to function relatively seamlessly whilst a parent works away , then the parent needs to reconsider their role.

You can get stuck on a hamster wheel and sometimes it is hard to see the wood from the trees

This has got to be a reverse - and I’d be very surprised if the parent who’s going away isn’t the dad!

As a PP said, I too am near the top of the food chain in the project management sector and no member of my team would be at risk of losing their job for prioritising their child/ren by ensuring they get an education. If anything, the poor choices they were making at home would make me question their ability to make good choices at work.

2 weeks off school is not acceptable and the burnout status of the other parent is a red herring. The OP sounds like they already do <50% of the childcare, it isn’t the ex’s responsibility to pick up the slack!!

If I were a grandparent willing to look after the grandchildren at short notice, I would not be impressed by anyone telling me how or where I 'should' be doing it. The person on the receiving end of a favour generally falls in with whatever arrangement suits the person doing the favour; otherwise the fountain of goodwill tends to dry up.

England is bizarrely uptight about this. Many comparable countries recognise that the occasional unavoidable absence isn't the end of the world.

This response is a bit dismissive of people that do in fact have jobs that take them away for such periods of time (there are plenty of jobs) and I can’t help feel it’s a little sexist , given that so often men hold such positions and nobody questions how ‘important’ those jobs are. For example my partner had a job project managing retail installations for European brands.Not rocket science, not brain surgery, not international diplomacy.
But nobody ever asked if if was ‘important’ enough to justify when I , the woman, was staying home to facilitate his absence.
The simple fact that it paid the bills seemed the obvious justification 🤷‍♀️.

Yeah, if the kids missed tomorrow because they were with a grandparent who needed time to bring them home that would be an occasional absence. Just missing 2 weeks isnt

True. But I also wouldn’t be impressed if my child dropped off my grandchildren to go to work, on the basis that they’d be missing two weeks of school. I wouldn’t be facilitating that. If I really couldn’t get them there myself, I’d be telling my child that this was not a viable option and that they needed a new plan.

You can't just take DC out of school for 2 weeks. This once couldn't your mum have come to visit at your home so that children could go to school?

It sounds like your job simply doesn't work with family, there's too much travel.

Tbh it doesn't matter whst mumsnet think.

If they are off for that long it will be reported to the local authority who have various powers and responsibilities and invites scrutiny (and rightly so).

I agree

This response is a bit dismissive of people that do in fact have jobs that take them away for such periods of time (there are plenty of jobs) and I can’t help feel it’s a little sexist , given that so often men hold such positions and nobody questions how ‘important’ those jobs are.

Bollocks, I'd judge anyone, mother or father, who was always travelling away from DC, unless it really was the only way to earn a crust & keep a roof over the children's head. In my experience it rarely is - companies do not tend to require low paid junior staff to travel, its not worth it.

Its one of things that I love about DH. He wouldn't take a job that meant leaving the kids loads. Neither of us would. We know the burden it places among the person left at home too.

Obvious reverse. This is the giveaway line - "Should add I have just spent weeks away and only been home the weekend".

The list will be long if you include two names for things.

Like soldiers and army.

YANBU if their granny is 2 hours away, I'm guessing they don't see her very regularly. They will get to create some nice memories with her hopefully.
The fact you are asking suggests that it is really unusual for them to miss school. I hope you can relax and focus on your work.

This is bizarre. You could be prosecuted. What can’t be done via Teams these days? Not much.

Then op needs to tell work they're not able to make the trip.

Disagree that it's a last minute emergency if the other parent is suffering burnout, that doesn't just happen overnight. Op should/would have been awake to the possibility and have contingency plans.

If this is for real then I kind of hope that happens. Poor kids.

The sensible option is your mum comes to yours for while you are away, so can take the kids to school

The decompensation can happen very suddenly.

There are a number of possible reasons:

she might have a job

she might have caring responsibilities for someone who can't be left for more than a short time

she might have multiple pets who can't be left alone for long and don't travel well

she might have appointments near home

she might not want to stay at the OP's home. Older women are not a highly respected demographic group in our society, but they still have legal autonomy. She is not just a domestic appliance which can be transported to where it's required and plugged in.

It's insane, isn't it? It makes me wonder what it is about schools in the UK, that they can't manage if a child misses a bit here and there.

If it’s a reverse, the other parent feeling “too burnt out” to do any parenting for two weeks isn’t covering themselves in glory either.

I think you need to put your kids before your job. If that’s not possible you should look at boarding schools so they have more stable term times.

But this isn’t an occasional unavoidable absence is it? It’s two weeks off school simply because their dad can’t be fucked rescheduling a work trip.

In that case YABVU on 2 counts - your kids missing school for 2 weeks, and you not seeing much of them.