Boarding school?

[LotusFlower24]

Just looking for other people's opinions on this situation.
My DD is a typical 13yo, we sometimes get attitude, cheek,disrespectful answers,the usual 'fine' to everything and general moody teenage behaviour. My H doesn't seem to be able to live with it anymore, too stressful apparently. I know that emotions run high with teens,they aren't yet fully developed etc. Tried to explain this. He says she is causing him to be so stressed that he thinks he can't do it anymore and that he shouldn't have to live his life like this,driving him insane. He wants me to think about options like living apart,having a flat where he can stay part of the time. One of his ideas was send her to boarding school. I've never wanted anything like this to happen. I would hate to be apart from her and even worse send her away for behaviour that I think is entirely normal. In the past he has left us because I am apparently too much with my PMS and he had to get away,now it's her. AIBU for thinking in this situation that boarding school is not an option and actually he is a complete tool?

Errr no. He doesn't get to outsource her upbringing to sort out her attitude. He needs to parent her and knock that sulky nonsense on the head!

Don’t waste more time listening to him and look for a good lawyer.
My ex left after a row with my daughter not me - and it was a relief

Well he's a total cunt then.

Why on earth are you not putting your dd first? She's a teenager, and will be going through changes and needs you in her corner more than ever.

He can’t handle your pms or her teenage behaviour … ask him how he is with the human population in general!

How could even suggest this? But his problem with living with her is easily solved...

Hmm think it’s a bit extreme from your DH. Do not send her! She doesn’t even sound that bad

so he can’t deal with your PMS hormones or his daughter’s puberty hormones…..

I would send him packing before you get to menopause! 😱

Protect your daughter OP. You need to tell him he’s outrageously out of order and unless he can admit that and somehow bring it into line, he’s out.

my mum was an apologist for my emotionally stunted angry father. I’ve never forgiven her for prioritising her relationship with him over the obvious welfare of her children.

you know the answer here, and it’s not boarding school.

Get rid of him so your daughter can see what a real man is like one day not this pathetic useless idiot you’re both saddled with.

He sounds completely pathetic.

None of this is ok. Not him suggesting he gets his own flat to absent himself from family life at his convenience, not him leaving you because you're too emotional, and certainly not him trying to send your teenager away so he doesn't have to be a parent.

If you're not ready to leave him yet then make family therapy a condition of you continuing to try to make the marriage work, otherwise you need to protect your child(ren) and yourself and end it.

I went to boarding school and absolutely loved it, but it was 100% my choice and that was vital. Even entertaining boarding school in this situation will send your DD a clear message that she is inconvenient and unwanted at home - don't do it. She is not the problem so don't let him do or say anything to suggest that.

It’s rather strange for him to talk about shipping her out on account “normal teenage behaviour”. More likely you are blind to her behaviour.

Separately, plenty of people send their children to boarding school, so there’s nothing wrong with that per se, just the reason he’s given for it, they’re not their to deal with ill-disciplined children.

I sent DD1 to a specialist weekly (Monday to Friday) boarding school, because her SEN were too complex for any school in the county. She was also too vulnerable to be with mainstream teenage boys. She loved the school! I was doing 26,000 miles a year on motorways, and she was at home every weekend and school holidays - nearly as many days, as she was at school.

However if any man told me, he couldn’t cope with normal teenage behaviour; he’d be looking for somewhere else to live; not the teenager! My children always came first! Parenting means taking the rough with the smooth!

I don’t have an issue with boarding for a teen per se, but in this instance it seems to me that your H should be the one to bugger off.

Sounds like a HIM problem rather than a you and teenager problem.

Is he an only child from a very quiet family?!?!

Also, would your DD want to go to boarding school? My best mate's teenage daughter started boarding weekly from Y8 and LOVES it. It's been the best decision as all prep and homework is done at school, so they have weekends to do fun family stuff. It was a choice though! She WANTED to go!

Also, can you afford it?

Why is his inability to manage his emotions your fault and DDs?

Shes not the problem.

Hes left you before? Wants a bachelor pad? I'd let him go and change the lock tbh

Tell him he can’t just check out of parenting in the teenage years. He needs to work harder to find a way to connect with her.

It is faintly hilarious that until @MyCyanReader‘s post the question of affordability hasn’t been raised. I’m guessing the OP and her not dear husband must be pretty well off, if he can throw out suggestions likely to cost £60k per annum just out of temper.

If he's struggling to cope with normal life he needs to see his GP or a counsellor. He is being a self centred, entitled arse by blaming his lack of resilience and patience on a 13 year old.

Boarding school should NEVER be to get rid of the child, that would be a total disaster.
Let him move out for a couple of years, you don't have to divorce.
Have you looked into your PMS symptoms? My mother's ruined my family's life for years.

Agree! He wants out of the marriage!
I’d 100% recommend getting rid of him and not your DD! You can always find another (decent!) man but your child is your own flesh and blood! You need to protect her and he sounds like a complete prick!

I went to boarding school a bit younger than this and loved it. But that was my choice. In this case NO!

Your DD is not the issue, she sounds like an average teenager.

Your DH has an issue which he needs to address.

I went to boarding school and there were girls who were obviously sent there because their parents couldn’t deal with their behaviour. It didn’t solve the problem - it just offloaded them to someone else. Quite a few ended up getting expelled or asked to leave. They were obviously desperately unhappy and crying out for attention and boarding school definitely wasn’t the place for them.

he must be bisexual and hiding it.
why are you still in this weird relashionship. A good husband & man does not do that, it is not NORMAL, he is not normal. check yourself & your priorities.
He is the problem and will fuck up your kid. YOU HAVE TO MAN UP because he is a tiny flower.

Best of luck

It sounds like he’s just trying to find excuses to justify living elsewhere.