To sort out house clutter with ex after separation

[SimplyM]

Recently separated from DH, instigated by me. I’ll be moving out into a new place nearby. Our marital home is a mess, loads of clutter, piles and piles of stuff in cupboards, in our shed, just an overwhelming amount. Living spaces are fine like our living room and kitchen etc. In our initial conversations it was agreed that we would go halves and hire a skip and go through all the clutter together after I moved out - I promised that I wouldn’t leave the house in a mess and also offered to store stuff in my place (I don’t drive so it’s difficult to transport items)

His mother is desperate to pay for the skip hire and go through everything with my ex ASAP. I haven’t moved out yet and a lot of the stuff is our children’s items, my stuff and stuff that I would really like to go through with my ex.

Clutter is due to masses of stuff being piled upon us from family members, the house is in a mess due to several factors including my being a carer of a severely disabled child and never quite getting on top of everything. I also have ADHD.

So - should I just resign myself to (stbex) mil and ex going through everything the moment I move out and be grateful that I don’t have to deal with it or should I fight my corner for ex to give me more time and us do it together? I’m worried about my stuff being binned, sentimental items thrown and just general unease about mil going through everything.

When I begged him to wait the other day he said how he knew it was only a matter of time before I turned nasty and how I am very lucky that his mother hasn’t made life very difficult(hell) for me.

Please no judgment about the state of the house, it’s been very difficult to get on top of the clutter and chaos! I’ve cleared a fair bit but there’s still an overwhelming amount.

I'd just resign myself to MIL and ex doing it to be honest.

I'd get the stuff I really wanted out first though.

Take anything you actually need and let then chuck the rest. Otherwise you'll go through it and keep loads and be in the same situation. Take it as a fresh start and only keep essentials, get a plastic box for the attic to keep artwork in, keep a sensible amount of toys and books and clothes and just get rid of the rest.

Take what’s important to you and what is necessary or beautiful and leave them to deal with the rest.

Can you sit down on a couple of occasions, and think about what sentimental stuff you have and would want to keep, then get that out before you leave.

There might be stuff that you would like if you saw it, but if you don't remember it exists and it gets thrown away, you won't see it to be reminded and miss it!

You have posted this exactly before

Take whatever you want and need even if you have to store things at a friends for a short while and don’t leave anything sentimental that they would throw out to spite you. Then let them clear whatever you have left.

@ProductiveweekI thought so too.

Yes, this

I have posted similar, sorry but this is mainly about Mil putting the pressure on to get the skip hired ASAP verses me and ex going through it together.

Soon you’ll be free of her so you don’t need to care what she thinks of you

crack on with what you need to do. Respond to her when it suits you and about what

Get some small packing boxes, and pack what you absolutely want to keep.

Let the rest go and be glad it's not you doing it. If they are willing to do it then let them.

You posted about the massive mess sort out needed a couple of months ago. Still no progress? Do you have date by when you can move out op?

I think you should go on your own with a set number of boxes, fill them up with things you really want and then make your peace. As you’ve said, you have a lot going on and a lot of other things to focus on. If you don’t know it’s there, you won’t miss it. Am assuming you’re clearing it to sell so huge incentive to get it done quickly

You are still living there ?
so start now - tonight.

Realistically if you haven’t been able to deal with it before, how are you going to have time to do it now.

I don’t understand why you need more time to go through the stuff? Surely just get on with it?
If your ex is free to do it soon with his mother why can’t you just do it then?

I have the keys now to my new place and have been busy getting it ready to move in, I have sorted some clutter and sold/chucked away lots of stuff, I’ve made some progress but there’s still lots to go through.

Good grief op
i can’t imagine the amount of stuff you and family are wading through
most of it will be forgotten about, worthless and useless junk if you’re honest with yourself.

get what is important to you and move out with the children for heavens sake

Surely by moving out with some “stuff” that will immediately take away a lot of stuff

then you can come back as and when to do the rest of the sorting on an ongoing basis

this sounds like procrastination on an epic level op

You need to remind your ex that he isn’t to throw your stuff out neither legally nor morally and you do not consent to it.

Is the plan still to be for the children still to be living in this mess while you're in your nice clean and tidy new place?
And your wish months ago was you'd pop up for a few hours once a week to have a sort through?

If you have the new place and you promised it would be done right after moving why are you dragging your feet on committing to doing it?

Get what you want out of there and let them deal with the rest. At least they will deal with it.

I can understand the prospect of your ex and his mum dealing with the rest makes you feel uncomfortable, but I think you have to be realistic. Your circumstances are difficult and complex, so just think about your new home and not setting yourself up by having clutter there from the start.

Stay an extra weekend and retrieve everything that matters to you. Those sorts of things are irreplaceable.

Or ask your dm/MIL to look after little one while you do a couple of late night sorting sessions.