To think my friend should be teaching her child better stranger awareness

[Clariy]

Hi all, so yesterday I was out with my friend and her daughter. Her daughter, her daughter is 5. We were out in London. My friend is comfortable financially and a genuinely lovely compassionate person.

On several occasions when we passed people begging she stopped, gave her daughter a £5/£10 note to give to them. Fair enough if you want to give I suppose. But she also chatted to them and encouraged her daughter to do the same, asked their name, where they were from etc. Not in a prying way but like she genuinely wanted to know about them as a person. I haven’t really seen anyone do this, especially not with people in London.

I asked her about it later, she said that she thinks it’s important to humanise them and she views it as teaching her daughter compassion. I asked about stranger danger and she seemed to brush it off. I then pointed out that some of them probably aren’t really homeless and she replied “For someone to fake hunger they must be starved of something in their soul” she has a tendency to give answers like this. I then pointed out that they may spend it on drugs and she said “my compassion comes with no strings attached”.

I don’t really care if she does this on her own, but something about encouraging a child to do the same feels very odd to me and lacking awareness. Her daughter was also pretty confident doing this and it was clear this isn’t the first time.

I know some of them will be in genuine need, of those who aren’t most are probably harmless but all it takes is one person will intents to take advantage of her, or when her daughter is older, her daughter.

AIBU to think this is quite reckless parenting?

Because other people aren’t an educational tool. They might not want to talk about why they are in the wheelchair. They might not want to talk at all. And if they do, they might well not want to talk about their disability.

Which is why I said if they don't want to talk they won't. Wheelchair users are generally capable of speaking up for themselves.

It doesn’t mean that it’s polite to grill them about why they are in a wheelchair. People can speak for themselves but equally are often reluctant to appear rude, especially to small children.

Anyway, it’s interesting the way the thread has gone. I had a feeling it would be laden with sarcasm about how awful it is people talk to one another and that’s not really it. What the woman is doing is in essence saying to her child that these people are safe, that they can be approached and that this is the marker of a ‘good’ person. I don’t think it is a terrible thing to do, but I do think a certain amount of caution is wise to teach children even if only through modelling it yourself.

The thread has a certain amount of moral exhibitionism going on here. Some posters seem to be falling over themselves to praise and say how wonderful a total stranger is to do a load of supposedly 'kind' things, and, typically, to describe their warm and caring husbands and relatives. So the posters get to look all warm and caring, at no risk or expense to themselves. I don't think that's kindness, just posturing.

My very stingy dad used to park in a red light district of our city because it was free and walk with me to the train station to collect my brother. He and I were approached several times by prostitutes and he was always respectful to them. I appreciate that about him but equally I do think it was a very risky thing to do and I wouldn’t be thrilled if DH did that with our kids when they are teenagers!

i think this sums it up perfectly. She is showing her child that it’s fine to talk to people when out and about in a public place.

It is in no way dangerous

YABU. You sound very judgemental. My DS gave money and food to the homeless from a young age. He is 16 now and has grown up with a good awareness of stranger danger as well as being compassionate.

Sorry but I think you are exposing your own prejudices OP. First most danger to children comes from within the home or people they know. Then from strangers, it’s people who approach the child to befriend them (not vice versa), or people online pretending to be someone else. Then after that it’s from evil people who could be from any walk of life. Then on top of that, if a homeless person is dangerous, that is most likely to be from mental illness, which would be fairly clear on a first approach, or unlikely to come out in a simple conversation, … and while in a public place, most likely standing, while they are seated, the danger has to be negligible, surely? Then on top of that, it will likely be years and years before she is ever on her own, in any circumstance that would allow her to approach a homeless person on her own. So even if she might on some level absorb ‘homeless people aren’t dangerous’ (which is largely true) she wouldn’t have the opportunity to test that out until years and years more growing up and more nuanced cautionary messages bombarding her from thousands of different places.

Apart from the money, the most significant thing your friend is doing is recognising and connecting with other people’s humanity.

“There but for the grace of god etc”… It’s possible to be warm-hearted and have your wits about you.

A five year old girl has no obligation or responsibility to cheer up or improve the lives of homeless adults, no matter how sad their backstory.