To think my friend should be teaching her child better stranger awareness

[Clariy]

Hi all, so yesterday I was out with my friend and her daughter. Her daughter, her daughter is 5. We were out in London. My friend is comfortable financially and a genuinely lovely compassionate person.

On several occasions when we passed people begging she stopped, gave her daughter a £5/£10 note to give to them. Fair enough if you want to give I suppose. But she also chatted to them and encouraged her daughter to do the same, asked their name, where they were from etc. Not in a prying way but like she genuinely wanted to know about them as a person. I haven’t really seen anyone do this, especially not with people in London.

I asked her about it later, she said that she thinks it’s important to humanise them and she views it as teaching her daughter compassion. I asked about stranger danger and she seemed to brush it off. I then pointed out that some of them probably aren’t really homeless and she replied “For someone to fake hunger they must be starved of something in their soul” she has a tendency to give answers like this. I then pointed out that they may spend it on drugs and she said “my compassion comes with no strings attached”.

I don’t really care if she does this on her own, but something about encouraging a child to do the same feels very odd to me and lacking awareness. Her daughter was also pretty confident doing this and it was clear this isn’t the first time.

I know some of them will be in genuine need, of those who aren’t most are probably harmless but all it takes is one person will intents to take advantage of her, or when her daughter is older, her daughter.

AIBU to think this is quite reckless parenting?

This.

Makes you wonder how any heterosexual women get husbands / partners if men are too dangerous to even pass the time of day with.

After all going out drinking and back home with a bloke as an adult is far more dangerous that being a child and passing the time of day with a bloke at a bus stop with a parent present but it's the second one people are suggesting is a no no

Yes they are more likely to be harmed by those they know but this is about access rather than strangers being inherently safer.

Yes, that's correct. It dosent change my answer to your question though. As far as I am concerned it does not matter whether it is a man or a woman. I would still pass the time of day, say good morning and encourage any children I have to do the same. The very vast majority of people are not out to do you harm. Learning how to risk assess and listen to your instinct is all part of it. I am happy with my approach.
Funnily enough in the 5 years that i have been walking the same route to work twice a day I have only ever witnessed 2 violent crimes. Both were female perpretators against male victims. Both unprovoked.

But most of us when we date will exercise caution. Meeting in a public place, getting to know someone slowly... using our past experiences and analysing whether we think a man is safe or not. But still women are abused and killed by their partners....

Genuinely how is any of that relevant to this situation where someone is having a short conversation in the street, in the middle of the day?

What caution do you think needs to be exercised?
What risk are you suggesting she’s putting her DD in?

Yes so Me womenare killed by partners. And how many kids are abused and killed at bus stops saying hello to someone with their parent present. Not heard of any cases of that

I am always surprised half the people on mumsnet every manage to form a relationship and have children given how many clearly hate men and just other people in general.

Maybe not that exact scenario...but yes there have been several cases in the news of children being murdered by strangers...now this sadly seems to happen whether people interact or not. But it's worth remembering that whilst most strangers won't hurt us, it's not exactly a myth that some are dangerous.

Yes, YABU.

Your friend is a compassionate, charitable person and wants her daughter to be the same, rather than someone who finds it more comfortable to just look the other way. Mind your own business.

I reckon if women abused, assaulted and murdered men at the same rate that men do to women, men would absolutely despise us

Weird thread. You're very defensive of her op, despite starting a thread disagreeing with her actions.

Yes but not kids with their parents in a public place who have dared to exchange the time of day.

It’s an odd thing to do and not good parenting.
If someone is begging and starts speaking to me or my dc, if they seem ok and friendly I will chat to them same as I would anyone else and dc can join in the conversation if they feel like it. If I give money I do it quickly and discreetly and don’t make a thing out of it. Most people begging are mortified to be doing it and that’s what people generally do where I’m from.
I would never give the money to dd to hand it over and I definitely wouldn’t encourage her to talk to some random person on the street. A lot of people begging where I’m from are drunk or will tell stories about totally inappropriate things.
My brother was always very compassionate and would talk to anyone as a kid/ teenager. In his teens he got talking to a homeless guy who was begging on the street, listening to his life story etc After a while the man suddenly sexually assaulted him right there in the street. I think a lot of people on here are very naive. You don’t know who the fuck these people are. A homeless person once came up and stole something out of my toddlers hand in her stroller. I have a lot of sympathy for people who end up homeless. I have several homeless relatives and used to live in an area with loads of homeless people because it was in the city centre near several big hostels.
They are not there to provide an opportunity for anyone to teach their children about compassion or to give anyone their back story. They are also more likely to be dangerous than other random people in the street. There used to be a man who begged on the bridge in my town. Tourists used to put money in his hand, shake his hand etc I saw this happening once only a few minutes after I’d seen that same man down a lane pulling a bag of drugs out of his arse to sell to two other men. I know this isn’t a very nice thing to bring up but I really think a lot of people are incredibly naive about the realities of homelessness.

Yabu its not like your friend wasn't their with her.

@Clariy not a problem with her actions or parenting based on your updates. But I would also be making sure I explained to my children how to deal with a situation should it start to feel uncomfortable. If the person starts to follow them etc. or if they ask for a hug and her daughter doesn’t want to. Her compassion etc is lovely, but it’s making sure children are as comfortable and confident dealing with changes in the situation/moment that Id want to see.

That would assist in all manner of situations with homeless, men and boys that become a threat, bullying situations later in schools or workplaces.. her child needs to know about dealing with general threats and dangers in society.

i work with charities and I’ve had less threats and scares from the homeless than I have middle aged white men.

I work with charities and I’ve had less threats and scares from the homeless than I have middle aged white men

Are there no middle aged white homeless men then?

a homeless man not far from her was verbally harassed and then physically beaten by a group of 10-12 “kids”- they found it so funny they filmed it and posted it to their snapchat stories, 2 of them live streamed it on Facebook

This is the far greater problem in our society, than the extremely rare cases of children coming to harm on the streets from strangers.
We are raising children to be fearful and suspicious, to have no social skills, to see other people as objects without humanity, and to have no empathy.
In the worst cases, the children are so poorly socialised that they are susceptible to influence from psychopathic peers in their groups, with no moderating or correcting influences from adults.

However, I would never give money to a child to give to a beggar - only to a busker. Money should only be given by the adult to a beggar, preferably directly into their hands not into a cup/hat/vessel.
OP, as you friend is not from British culture, perhaps discuss with her the fine distinction the Brits make, how buskers and street performers are different to beggars.

Most of the homeless men in my area are middle aged white men. I volunteer for a foodbank so I meet them on a regular basis. You wouldn't believe this judging by the racist posts on Facebook though regarding anything in the local paper or from the council.

Well exactly. I'm in London and most of the homeless people I see are middle aged white men so I have no idea what the pps comment was all about.

It absolutely is. Police and child safety experts explicitly say it’s an outdated concept and not to teach stranger danger.

absolute nonsense, it's not what I see anywhere at all.

Primary schools have lockdown practice in England! And kids are warned about unwanted "danger" but also about "strangers" in their schools!

Don't teach your kids about stranger danger, but that's madness.

They don’t want kids to taught that they are only or mainly at risk of being hurt/ abused by strangers. They want them to be aware that people known to them can also be a threat. That’s not the same as saying strangers are fine and non threatening and children should interact with them freely.
They’re still taught not to open the door to someone they don’t know etc and online safety is largely based around not talking to strangers.

Do you think because you don’t see it that it doesn’t exist?

We don’t teach stranger danger anymore. Doing so leads children to fear strangers, and that is NOT something we want.

This