Father in law asked why we didn’t use protection.

[UK2NO23]

My husband and I have an almost one year old and we have recently told our families that we are expecting after confirmation at our first scan.
My husband has been over his parents’ house today and seen them face to face for the first time since. I did not attend but my husband came home and told me that his father had asked why we didn’t use protection.
I wasn’t present so I don’t know the full context or tone of the conversation but I am quite hurt by the comment. Unsure if hormones are making me unreasonable.

(Just for context, yes baby was unplanned but we did want another eventually and are happy about the situation.)

i Won’t be upset…. What did your husband say… Yeah I know….. it’s all context. Was out said in jest?

im not sure why your husband told you?

You were not there to hear the conversation, and have no idea how your Husband framed things.

That is really rude, I’d be upset too. Ultimately it’s not worth losing a positive FIL relationship over, but it’s ok to feel hurt by his insensitivity

Do you normally have a good relationship with FIL or is this comment part of wider issues?

YANBU for feeling hurt. When we told FIL I was pregnant with DC3 he incredulously asked why and then said he wasn't happy about it at all because "only one of you is in work!" (for context, I was a SAHM by mutual agreement following redundancy and DH was/is well paid).

Well what exactly did your husband say? Context is missing here. However you said you weren’t actively trying to get pregnant, so baby was unplanned. Why it is such a shock for your FIL to ask that, when you’re pregnant due to not using protection? Weird comment but I mean he’s not wrong.

Because your husband said it wasn’t planned, which makes it a reasonable question. It’s pretty obvious really.

Well were you?

God how intrusive of him!

Husband: guess what, we're having another baby! Not planned but hey, guess we should have thought about that before
FIL: what, were you not using protection?

Reasonable conversation. Depends on how the subject was raised.

Better than my MIL comment at 12 weeks she said “it’s not too late to get rid of it you know”. This was for our first and very much wanted child ! I won’t tell you what she said about the following ones!

How weird of FIL and intrusive. A proper wtf moment. Our sex lives are none of your business……

also DH should have protected you by not telling you and dealing with it himself

I think it’s quite funny when people get caught on the hop and say out loud what everyone else is thinking. I bet he got told off by your MIL later.

Never an appropriate question to ask in my opinion. What’s wrong with people?!

It's not great on your body to be pregnant again so soon so he wasn't wrong but why the hell did your husband tell you? His dad probably blurted it out thinking he's in a safe space.

I think that’s quite funny. Congrats to you and your DH!

Its hardly an outrageously small age gap. Its pretty standard.
Maybe your husband didnt seem enthusiastic when telling them

Not such an odd private convo between father and son, definitely a bit awkward for it to be relayed back to you though!

I am pregnant with our third child who was planned… just early. My in laws did say similar but it was a joke and because we have a good relationship I didn’t mind. DP just said something about getting done by 30 so we can have them all out the house by 50 and change the locks.

Unless this is part of a wider pattern of behaviour and your in laws have an issue with you, I’d leave it. If you don’t have the best relationship with them, I’d get why you’re upset, but with a baby and a toddler… you’ll probably want all the help you can get. Keep em sweet.

Ultimately I agree with this, you don’t really know how your husband presented the news, whether anything was said in a jokey way etc. I wouldn’t get worked up about this op!
Congratulations on your pregnancy, all the best 💐

Not great for her to be pregnant so soon… okay doctor.

She’s absolutely right, whether or not she’s a doctor.

I mean it’s too late now though isn’t it? She’s pregnant. Unless you’re suggestion a termination?

I was pregnant again when DC1 was 9 months old - fully okayed by my obstetrician.

OP as you weren’t there to hear the conversation I wouldn’t get too worked up about it.

seriously! You really think her FIL was concerned about the effect on the OP's body - having read and understood the body of research on this topic - and that's why he said something intrusive and impertinent? I doubt it very much.

Some people have no filter OP. I'd ignore it.

My fil was the king of saying something "funny" when told news like engagement/pregnancy etc. No one enjoyed it and no one liked him better for it.

I wonder how many men even know the effects of pregnancy and childbirth on a woman’s body.