Father in law asked why we didn’t use protection.

[UK2NO23]

My husband and I have an almost one year old and we have recently told our families that we are expecting after confirmation at our first scan.
My husband has been over his parents’ house today and seen them face to face for the first time since. I did not attend but my husband came home and told me that his father had asked why we didn’t use protection.
I wasn’t present so I don’t know the full context or tone of the conversation but I am quite hurt by the comment. Unsure if hormones are making me unreasonable.

(Just for context, yes baby was unplanned but we did want another eventually and are happy about the situation.)

I wouldn’t say it but I’d certainly think it!

Assuming your FIL knows the baby is unplanned then I think it's a fair question.

1. Context is everything.
2. Even if your FIL is a horrible human being, your husband should’ve dealt with it then and there and not tell you and upset you.

Quite a sensible question, which he probably wouldn’t have asked had you have been there.

You said yourself it wasn’t planned, so what did you think would happen when you had unprotected sex?

Can’t see why you’re put out. If you’re delighted then I would just say to people ‘yes it was very much planned!’ If you’re thinking ‘Fuck it’s way too soon for another’ I’d still tell people it was planned. Because otherwise it makes it look like you don’t know how babies are made.

My younger brother has four children. He used our elderly parents extensively for financial support and childcare. They have made similar comments to him. Context is important.

There was no need for your husband to share this with you. Perhaps his dad thought he was having a private conversation with his son ,maybe your husband said baby was unplanned. Depending on their relationship I don't think it's an odd thing to say.

It was inappropriate and intrusive of him to say that out loud. But when you have a small age gap like you will, people will always either silently wonder or ask directly if it was an accident. He's probably the first of many (not that people should do this, but they do - I am 12 months younger than my sister and people still comment).

Odd reaction, its not an unusual age gap. How are your finances? Are they worried you won't be able to afford childcare and could pressure them to look after 2 toddlers?

Why did your husband feel he had to tell you this?
Did he explain to his father why he didn't use a condom, during this intrusive conversation?

Oh FFS! You'll put your back out, reaching like that.

My FIL shouted at me when we said we were having a second child. Said I’d told him I wasn’t going to have anymore kids. I never said that. People can be weird and intrusive.

This between a father and his son I think is a perfectly ok thing to ask.

It would have been inappropriate for a FIL to DIL but he didn’t ask you or in front of you.

Could be worse my father in law asked if I knew who the father was 😵‍💫

Maybe be the DH went over and said ‘bloody hell, have another one in the way’, and FIL responded ‘well, why didn’t you use protection’?

Who knows, no one here was there when the DH told the FIL.

Exactly.

It's not healthy this over analysing.

Maybe your DH is less happy about the pregnancy than you are. How did he respond to his father and why did he tell you?

I’m in the ‘context is everything’ camp. A perfectly nice bloke might say that to his son if the son was fretting and moaning about it. Maybe he’s worried about finances or how you’re going manage with sleep or child care. It’s not necessarily any reflection on you or your baby.

And as for this being ‘intrusive’. Sometimes family will have an opinion about us. And it may not be we you like. It’s doesn’t always mean they don’t care, or are judgey, or are trying to get in your business…

Thank you all for your insights and congratulations! After sleeping on it and reading your comments I was probably being slightly emotional yesterday 🤣

Just a few notes:

1. Precaution (condoms if you’re interested) were used, ever the lucky ones I guess.
2. I know the gap is small, my midwife is not to worried and luckily my first birth was not a C-section so atleast there’s slightly less worry there.
3. The announcement was raised in a positive light, if husband has any worries however he may have raised them alone to his dad, which is fine ofc.
4. They are not actively used for childcare and me and my husband both work so no financial burden to them either.
5. Husband and I have already talked more permanent methods of birth control after this baby for all those worried. ✂️

I guess in my head it made me feel like they didn’t want the grandchild but I think that was me being silly ☺️

Context is everything here. And since you weren’t there and either don’t know or haven't shared I would say YABU until you get the full picture.

Was it in jest? Was it in response to a comment like - can you believe we are having another kid or better yet ‘I don’t know how this happened’.

Not worth being upset about until you understand the context which isn’t going to come here and only going to come by speaking to your husband.

It takes 2 years for vitamins and mineral stores to return to normal. There is a difference between signifigant risk if getting pregnant soon after a c section and what is ideal.

surely it was just a ‘dad joke’. Chill a bit

Exactly.

Exactly

Good grief! That is shocking.

It wouldn’t bother me that he said it.

it was a conversation between father and son.

It would bother me that DH thought it appropriate to tell me without context.