Puppy dilemma - it’s not her, it’s us

[neverwakeasleepingpuppy]

Brought home a gorgeous 2 month puppy two weeks ago; the kids wanted one for years, DP and I are mildly pro-dog, thought it’d be great for us as a family, everyone says they’re great, unconditional love blah blah.

Being fair, she’s a perfect puppy so far - quickly getting the crate and toilet training and is now sleeping through from 11-7am, minimal accidents in the house. Hard work but manageable.

We are the problem - despite her gorgeousness, we are all a little meh. DD2 seems to be allergic; puffy eyes and sneezing. The kids have zero interest - spent maybe 30mins with her since she landed. DP and I are enjoying her somewhat but also my OCD is going through the roof, googling amputees from dog licks etc.

Am interested to hear others views on this as I think it’s a case of it’s not her, it’s us …. the breeder is fine to take her back as she has a waiting list for an adorable puppy who is mostly trained! Just wondering if it’s fairer all around to do this?

Yes, sorry if I sounded insensitive to the condition, I just meant that such extreme anxiety around germs is obviously not a good fit for looking after a dog and it surprised me that they thought it would be a good idea.

Well, most so far are saying that we should at this stage. How did you feel about yours in the first few months?

It's accurate, though. "Puppy blues" are a real thing - it can take a while to really bond and fall in love.

You just said the kids have zero interest and in your next post you said the teens are helping a lot so she's getting a lot of attention.

I'm not joining the pile on but that's not clear. I think you should return her as you don't seem to be fully committed, although 2 weeks is no time at all to fall in love!

It wasn’t advice. I was just saying that in my experience, you don’t fall in love with a dog after a couple of weeks. I never have, and I am a great dog owner.
If the OP wants to rehome then rehome. I didn’t give my opinion on that.

Counter-intuitively, things that trigger a persons OCD are actually good for keeping OCD under control. Think, not letting the OCD “win” and restrict their life. So if the OP returns the puppy (which I absolutely think they should for the puppy’s welfare) it’s likely their OCD will worsen. OP really needs to seek support for this

I think the responses you're getting are harsh and I'm sure the responders have made decisions they later regret!!
Are you sure it's not just normal puppy blues? It took me a while to bond with my pup and I had many "what have I done" moments. 4 years later and I'm literally besotted with her

Yes, give her back.

Poor puppy deserves a family who adore her and actually want to have a dog.

You have messed the puppy and the breeder around but better to admit this and hand her back rather than try and continue, when she will get more and more used to you as her new family, and being sent away will be even harder for her.

I agree with this. People don’t realise how much hard work dogs are. Your little puppy will soon find a new home. You believed you’d be a good owner..now being a good owner is to re home her.

Contact the breeder ASAP. Everyone makes mistakes. Some of the things you didn’t know, especially with the allergies. Thankfully the breeder is willing to take her back and has other families waiting. Don’t be hard on yourself though, just know this for the future.

Are you going to keep doing this until you find a dog you “adore”. Ergh, people like you are the worst.

At least you recognise your limitations, please send her back, so she can have someone she can bond with, people who deserve her.

That’s very uncommon in my experience to not be besotted with your puppy (usually that’s what gets you through the rough puppy development stages).

Regardless the OP has given no indication that the family wants to keep this animal so convincing her that it takes time to fall in love with it is just reckless.

That really surprises me. Most people fall instantly in love with puppies (kittens too) - it’s more often later that the love wears off when they realise pet ownership is hard work, and the dog is no longer as cute as it was when it was a baby.

Have you looked up puppy blues? They're very common. The first few weeks are a real lifestyle shock and it can be hard to bond.

But tbh, your whole posts screams "meh" - you didn't really want her, you have a child with allergies and your kids aren't interested. Just re-home her and save yourselves even more heartache.

One of our family gets sniffy around the dogs when they come back for visits. They take antihistamines before they come and are okay. Make sure it is a canine allergy and not seasonal hayfever type stuff.
The kids probably weren't your best barometer for getting the dog, after the first excitement wanes, the responsibility was always going to land with the adults to meet this pup's every need.
Getting a puppy wreaks havoc like having a baby, multiplied. It's jolly hard work for at least a year. Get a puppy guidebook from pets at home, read up on what's involved, and have a jolly big think about whether you want this commitment. It's very worth it but be under no illusion how hard and long it's going to be. Once you get past the landshark and toddler then teenager stage, with decent training and love and consistency, you'll have a lovely snuggly companion.

They are helping because they are being asked if that makes sense? They just don’t have much interest in her which has totally caught me off guard as they love the cat and other people’s dogs.

I’d be totally fine if they didn’t help at all and just wanted cuddles and to play with her but this isn’t the case.

Id say it took me a year. My dog was/is hard work. All pups are.

I didn’t think you sounded insensitive. Oddly, with OCD the best way to cure it is to basically desensitise yourself to the fear. So if the OP has germ phobia then having to be exposed to their fear, a dog passing on germs, would over time help them overcome their fear, if that makes sense? However, I’m certainly not saying in this case OP should keep the dog as I don’t think it would be fair to it

So Op stop the navel gazing and self pity…. What are you going to do? It’s that simple really

I don't see you as a horrible person at all.

I had a lot of harsh words said about me when I admitted I had been struggling to look after a 3 year old dog with little family support. I rehomed the dog privately to what I thought was a very nice home only to have to fight to get the dog back a few days later.

In your case, the breeder is prepared to take the puppy back. Dogs are a lot more work compared to cats. You won't be a horrible person at all (in my eyes at least) if you take the breeder on their promise. It sounds like it will be the best solution for everyone including the puppy

Take the poor little thing back ASAP. Why are you even asking?

I didn’t try to convince her of anything. If she doesn’t want the dog she doesn’t want it. I just said I didn’t think it was unreasonable not to love a dog after a couple of weeks.
‘Puppy blues’ is extremely common. Put it into the search bar here and see how many threads there are about it. It’s not abnormal at all to not fall completely in love with your puppy to start with.

No one can ever really understand how it will be to have a dog until they actually get one, no matter how much "research" they do. Sometimes it's very different from what you were expecting.

If the breeder has a waiting list of approved homes, then let her go. Dog will be happy, new owners will be happy, you'll be happy - no drama

That’s very unusual. I absolutely adored mine from the first moment I held her and she nuzzled into my armpit. This poor little dog deserves that.