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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Puppy dilemma - it’s not her, it’s us

332 replies

neverwakeasleepingpuppy · 14/06/2025 15:45

Brought home a gorgeous 2 month puppy two weeks ago; the kids wanted one for years, DP and I are mildly pro-dog, thought it’d be great for us as a family, everyone says they’re great, unconditional love blah blah.

Being fair, she’s a perfect puppy so far - quickly getting the crate and toilet training and is now sleeping through from 11-7am, minimal accidents in the house. Hard work but manageable.

We are the problem - despite her gorgeousness, we are all a little meh. DD2 seems to be allergic; puffy eyes and sneezing. The kids have zero interest - spent maybe 30mins with her since she landed. DP and I are enjoying her somewhat but also my OCD is going through the roof, googling amputees from dog licks etc.

Am interested to hear others views on this as I think it’s a case of it’s not her, it’s us …. the breeder is fine to take her back as she has a waiting list for an adorable puppy who is mostly trained! Just wondering if it’s fairer all around to do this?

OP posts:
StarDolphins · 14/06/2025 16:51

This folks, is why the rescue centres are full. Op, you should’ve decide BEFORE getting a puppy whether you can fully commit for over a decade.

Take her back to the breeder and please don’t ever get another pet.

This is one of the most irresponsible posts I’ve seen on here.

CantStopMoving · 14/06/2025 16:52

My friend desperately wanted some kittens for her children to grow up with so when an opportunity to get some came up she took it. She was so excited but she realised with 3 small children and energetic kittens it just was all too much. She preserved for a few months but she was miserable and she realised the children were too young to look after the kittens. So she rehomed them to someone she knew and they have a happy life.

fast forward 5 years and the children are older she tried again and got 1 older cat this time and she is loving it! Nothing like last time. Just a case of wrong cat, wrong time.

sounds like the same for you OP. Not a failure of it doesn’t work out now. Things might change in the future.

Todayisaday · 14/06/2025 16:52

Send her back. Dogs are such a huge commitment. We dog sat one for two weeks after kids and husband have been begging for years to get one, they walked it once, i ended up doing all feeding and walking and although they liked her they just werent bothered to interact, walk, feed etc.
Its ok to decide now that you dont want her, if the breeder is going to take her back then that is a great solution.
Otherwise two decades of having a dog you dont want that needs love, care and time is not going to be a goos idea

Namechanger1993 · 14/06/2025 16:53

Cockerpoo? Labradoodle? SomE sort of spaniel or retriever are my guess.

But first post nails it. It shouldn’t be this hard and as many posters have said you don’t buy pets for kids.

Send her back. Don’t ever get another pet

AmelieSummer25 · 14/06/2025 16:53

godmum56 · 14/06/2025 16:39

or no pet at all people....

Show quote history

So you think they should get rid of their much loved cat or haven't you bothered to read the OP's posts??

Summerdogdays · 14/06/2025 16:53

neverwakeasleepingpuppy · 14/06/2025 16:12

Well, the consensus is that we are horrible people which is fair enough, I am properly upset about it.

The thing is, it wasn’t a snap decision. We already have a much loved cat; we waited 2+ years until the dog could have proper space. In the meanwhile we dog-sat friend’s dogs to see what it was like and had no reason then to think about allergies - turns out that both of our friends dogs are non shedding types.

It’s also not about the work, it really isn’t. We have been sleeping on the couch beside her, outside playing for hours every day, she has lots of cuddles, toys, treats - it’s been tough but I don’t work and the teens are helping so she’s getting lots of attention.

We just don’t adore her and it’s a really tough and horrible thing to say but I think that’s the reality of it.

I know it's not the same
But I took on a relatives 10 year old dog ..really didn't want to .but the was no other option ( that I'd consider)
I really resented him at first ,would of given him back gladly in the first month.
By 6 weeks ,his feet were under the table and he was my dog ..I don't even know how or when it happened..I just fell in love with him.
So maybe the same will happen for you too

itgetsthehoseagain · 14/06/2025 16:54

She’s being responsible after realising her mistake; this is what happens sometimes 🫤

Doggielovecharlotte · 14/06/2025 16:56

Beetletweetle · 14/06/2025 15:47

Send her back as soon as possible so she can go to a decent family and never get another animal again.

This!!! In buckets!

SqueamishHamish · 14/06/2025 16:56

I think you should contact the breeder asap. We all make mistakes. I too made a mistake like this but went into have another dog a few years later and he is still with us 10 years later. You undoubtedly feel rotten about it but time to take action.

SparklyBrickViper · 14/06/2025 16:57

Send her back.

Doggielovecharlotte · 14/06/2025 16:58

tropicalteas · 14/06/2025 15:57

Ffs it’s not that they aren’t a decent family ! One has allergies and it hasn’t worked out. They are very responsible for reconsidering the situation so quickly and speaking to
the breeder.

Show quote history

Rubbish..the poster said the kids have spent 30
mins and they themselves are a bit meh about it before they got it

totally irresponsible

VickyEadieofThigh · 14/06/2025 16:59

neverwakeasleepingpuppy · 14/06/2025 16:12

Well, the consensus is that we are horrible people which is fair enough, I am properly upset about it.

The thing is, it wasn’t a snap decision. We already have a much loved cat; we waited 2+ years until the dog could have proper space. In the meanwhile we dog-sat friend’s dogs to see what it was like and had no reason then to think about allergies - turns out that both of our friends dogs are non shedding types.

It’s also not about the work, it really isn’t. We have been sleeping on the couch beside her, outside playing for hours every day, she has lots of cuddles, toys, treats - it’s been tough but I don’t work and the teens are helping so she’s getting lots of attention.

We just don’t adore her and it’s a really tough and horrible thing to say but I think that’s the reality of it.

You "don't adore her"? You've had her TWO weeks, ffs!

somejust · 14/06/2025 17:00

IME you have to have someone in the family who really, really loves the dog. Whose heart and soul is the dog. Who bats for the dog and defends the dog, even if they are not doing the lion's share of the care.

If everyone is a bit 'meh', then it's going to be so much tougher.

So who is your dog's champion? Who, if you mooted returning the dog to the breeder, would declare their life over and they would never talk to you again?

Anyone? Anyone? If the answer is, actually, no one - return the dog.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 14/06/2025 17:00

How quickly can you get her back to her breeder ?!!!

as that is what needs doing and the sooner she is returned the better chance the breeder has of reselling her - if she gets too old the breeder may give her to a animal rescue like Many Tears and then they have all the costs until they find her a home.

I expect you are already receiving medical help re your OCD.

Poor poor dog. another dog purchased on a whim / because the children wanted one.

TubeScreamer · 14/06/2025 17:01

Return the puppy asap so that she can’t go to a new family whilst she is still young

VickyEadieofThigh · 14/06/2025 17:02

Niceduck · 14/06/2025 16:15

Just call breeder and they won’t judge op, they will take back

It would have happened before. You won’t get your money back but I’m hoping that isn’t going to stop you

That depends on what sort of breeder we're dealing with here.

Seasidelife1 · 14/06/2025 17:03

Seasidelife1 · 14/06/2025 16:42

It sounds like she’s a great puppy and despite you only being mildly pro dog you did try and prepare for dog ownership, you’ve also done all the right things since she arrived. There are ways you can control allergies (dander wipes for the pup etc) but at the end of the day she doesn’t have your hearts. She’s young enough to settle with a new family who will give her a good life and that is probably best all round. Sometimes things just don’t work out but it’s not for want of trying.

Just to add, The pup is only 10 weeks, another week or two, is not going to make a difference to the pup settling with a new family if you need more time. Be 100% sure, you don’t want to regret it later.
As others have said the Puppy blues are real but that is often born from the work that they create and exhaustion from sleepless nights, and you sound like you are coping ok with that.
We have loved ours from the get go, so can’t comment on that bonding taking time, yet others have experienced it.
If you return her don’t feel bad, you are doing what is best for her as well as your family.

Roselilly36 · 14/06/2025 17:03

Sounds like you have made a genuine mistake, owning a dog is a totally different ballgame from the cat you also have. Puppies are very hard work, I can remember the challenges of our pup, (many years ago now) but we got through it and he was a very loyal dog for 13 years. Would I have another one, no, absolutely not, they are a massive commitment, and due to my disability it would be impractical. Of course you aren’t a terrible person, some of the comments are v unnecessary. But yes, rehome the puppy whilst she is young.

pinkstripeycat · 14/06/2025 17:04

How can you say that friends’ dogs “turned out” to be non shedding? How did you not research this first? It doesn’t sound like you’ve really planned or prepared for puppy ownership at all.

Definitely send the puppy back. Stick to cats if you know you can care for the one you have.

Doggielovecharlotte · 14/06/2025 17:05

WhereHasMyPlanetGone · 14/06/2025 16:28

About a year to feel real love for mine too. She was excellently cared for as a puppy so no need to feel sorry for her, I just didn’t feel real love/a bond with her until about a year old.

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Same here but I knew already this was a commitment and wouldn’t have got mine if I’d thought if we aren’t bonded I’ll give her back

you have to be ready to take it on rain or shine - I don’t think the poster is

stayathomer · 14/06/2025 17:09

Pups are so difficult that if you’re meh at all, you’re pretty much gone!!! I’d agree send the pup back before it falls in love with you

Goldbar31 · 14/06/2025 17:09

Beetletweetle · 14/06/2025 15:47

Send her back as soon as possible so she can go to a decent family and never get another animal again.

This

Bimblebombles · 14/06/2025 17:10

I got a cat when my DD was 4 and she was very much not interested in it, but now aged 6 she loves the cat and is involved with doing some of the feeds every day and just seems to really enjoy it being around the place. You can’t expect the kids to bond with it in two weeks, is my point.

for the allergy reasons and other reasons you’ve said though, sounds like a dog isn’t for you.

Birdsinginginthetrees · 14/06/2025 17:16

Getting any pet (especially a dog) is a massive commitment and takes very careful consideration before going ahead and actually getting one. I’m not trying to be patronising, but how much did you think it over before actually deciding to get the dog? I got a kitten recently and was thinking on and off about getting one for a couple of years, more seriously so over the last year. I did have a bit of a panic after getting him but I think it can be a bit overwhelming at first. Especially if it is your first dog or cat. Could this just be a case of adjustment to the change in lifestyle that comes with a dog? Can you really see your life like this for the next 10+ years? If the answer is no then you probably know what you need to do.

ttcat37 · 14/06/2025 17:17

godmum56 · 14/06/2025 16:39

or no pet at all people....

Show quote history

Well, not necessarily. Not all pets require the effort that a dog takes. OP has clearly put in the effort to toilet train and getting a puppy was a considered decision It turns out they’re probably not dog people. That’s ok. It’s a shame for the puppy but it’s not going to be psychologically damaged if it’s rehomed at this age. I don’t think OP deserves to be completely slated. If she sent this dog back and later got another dog then that would be a different story.

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