Ex’s unreasonable demands to my house?

[rudddy]

Me and the father of my child are no longer together due to various issues including emotional and verbal abuse on his part.

For some reason he expects a key to my new house and access to the Ringdoor bell to ensure if there was ever an emergency he would have emergency access if required.

I dont want him to have a key or access to my Ringdoor bell and I have told him as such.

He has asked his friends and siblings who are also in a similar situation and have said the fathers all have keys to the other parents house and that I ABU.

Also as I live in a house and he now lives in a flat he expects his family and friends to all visit DC in my house.
I don’t like his friends and they caused a lot of issues in our relationship and we’re quite disrespectful to me so I don’t want any of them in my house.

I get on well with his mum and sisters so that’s not an issue.

His brother expects to bring his various child’s mothers and criminal adult children to my house and I don’t want people involved in crime and knives in my house but as I live in a spacious house my ex thinks I am BU to not want to accommodate these visits.

Ex now lives in a bad area, drugs being sold, a lot of drugs addicts around.

AIBU?
End of the day I just want what’s best for DC.

Ridiculous, absolutely no way. I get on reasonably well with xh, we work together, I actually have his dog this weekend, and no way would we have keys to each other's house. At some point, when the dc have their own door keys, I suppose we could access each other's homes in an emergency, but not in the situation your ex is expecting

Christ on a bike he he a real spectacular abusive dick !!!

please look into parenting apps for communication or use a go between , stop all communication between you and him immediately

do not accommodate anyone you don’t want to

Absolutely not, to all of them. My ex does have a key to my place, but only because he helps me with the dog. Generally, I don’t think many ex partners have keys to their ex’s homes, and they certainly don’t have access to their partners ring doorbell access. Tell him to jog on.

I don’t understand why you would even entertain a second of these nonsense demands from him.

”No” is a complete sentence. Say that on repeat to any and all of his demands, and stick to it.

@rudddy why on earth did you choose to have a child with someone like this!?!

He is trying you control sonyou need to be assertive. He is NOT to set foot in your house and absolutely no access to ring doorbell. I've never heard of someone having access!! That's ludicrous and taking the p*ss!!

And if he takes drugs then I wouldn't be letting your child anywhere near him. That's not safe.

Omfg no! 🤣 As if!

Literally the biggest benefits of being a sinlge adult feamle and not being with him is not putting up with his controlling and cocklodging shit and enjoying a private life again.

I mean seriously, just no.

Why are you spending any time with this man? I wouldn't have asked him for any lifts.

No, no and no again.

He has no right to be in your house, he certainly doesn’t get to invite his skanky druggy mates into it for any reason. His family can see the dc when it’s his contact time.

He has no right to ever be in the car with you, I suggest you immediately stop relying on him for lifts given you’re getting a car soon.

Stop letting him take the piss. Put in extremely firm boundaries.

He's trying to control you. You need very clear and firm boundaries. He can do drop offs and pick ups at the door. No to ring access. No to getting a key. No to hosting his family or friend. Your home is your sanctuary don't let anyone invade your space. With the gifts I'd support DC to make a card for DC sake if they haven't already made one at school.

OP, can I ask how old your kids are, only be prepared, depending on their age, that he may even try to fool them into giving him a key, so please ensure that you know where all keys are, at ALL TIMES!!

I also agree with the other posters who have suggested that you don't continue contact with his family. They may have seemed like they were nice to you while you were together, BUT, they WILL turn against you, and they WILL tell him EVERYTHING that you say to them, so please just stop thinking of them as family in ANY way. I know that they are your children's grandparents, but it's down to HIM from here on in, to arrange for contact between the children and HIS family, while you continue contact for the children with YOUR family.

Nothing he says or does is likely to be for your benefit, so while I'm really hoping you will take the advice you've been given to only communicate with him via email or an app, if you do see him, and he starts getting chatty, asking about how you're settling into your new place, etc., DO NOT be tempted to tell him that, you've for example, got a window that's sticking, or you need to get some shelves put up, as I can GUARANTEE that he will volunteer to get one of his scummy mates around to do it for you. If you should find yourself in this situation, then say 'No thanks, I've got someone else who is going to do it for me', but again, no more information than that.

DON'T EVER BE FOOLED INTO THINKING THIS MAN HAS CHANGED, OR CARES ABOUT YOU IN ANY WAY OP - HE DOESN'T!!

I feel so harassed by him

That's because he is continuing his abuse by harassing you.

Never in a million years. Ever.

No no no no no! He can fuck right off. Well done for getting rid of this piece of shit.

Block him and all his horrible friends and family keep the nice ones and only communicate through a parenting app. Have you looked up the grey rock method? It generally works for nasty nut cases like him

I am going to give you a word of warning @rudddy

If you let strangers and randoms into your home and you get burgled/robbed , say you go to the police and say 'I know it was my ex's friend 'Jon' lets say the police dust for fingerprints in your home, and there are 'Jon' fingerprints found, then Jon gets to say, 'Oh but I've been around rudddy house before, must have been from then.'
Happened to a friend of mine. There was nothing she could do, and nothing got done.

He can do pick ups/drop offs from the gate or pavement.
Please don't listen to his lies.
He has no power over you.

Neither is drunk driving safe. I wouldn't let a child in a car with him.

OP he is an EX. That gives him no traction in your life whatsoever. Don't talk, don't engage, communicate only about DC and do it all in writing. Your home and your life is nothing to do with him. No way at all can he feel entitled to come to your home.
Don't let him if he tries. 🌷

His friends all give their ex’s keys to their houses do they?
Who told you that? The emotionally abusive controlling ex by any chance? 🤣🤣 I doubt they told him anything of the sort. He’s just made that up to make you seem unreasonable.

Stop talking to him about anything other than your child FFS. It sounds like he enjoys winding you up and you are letting him. His opinion on what he thinks you should do is irrelevant. It doesn't matter what his friends say. He uses them to wind you up too. It doesn't even matter what we say. YOU are an adult and YOU are the boss of you.