Working From Home - backwards step for women?

[nearlyemptynes]

My husband and I both worked from home when Covid hit and continued to do so. I am now in the office once a month but DH has to go in 3 days a week. We both work full time and both have demanding jobs. When he is in the office he gets up around 8 , showers and goes into the office. I am picking up most of the domestic tasks, shopping, cleaning, loading the dishwasher, cooking, running children around etc. It just seems to me that WFH has resulted in me taking on more at home whilst he gets to swan about - that is a simplification but you get what I mean. The more I think about it the more I think it is a backwards step for women and although at times WFH is very convenient it actually means longer hours, I often start work at 6.30am, and more of the domestic tasks expected to fall on women's shoulders. Is this just me or is this the experience of others? I could go into the office more if I wanted to- maybe I should?

I think it falls to whoever is at home, not my experience that it is the woman choosing to work from home more. If you can go into the office more why don't you? And also you shouldn't be working extra hours, why would you work for free?

I find I do less domestically when I WFH because I spend my entire day working and barely get a minute for a cup of tea then I get blind to the housework by the end of the day whereas when I walk back in from the office I "see" everything that needs doing. I don't get how anyone has the opportunity to do all this household stuff if they're actually doing their job in work time? You need to stop just doing it all and leave it until after work and share it with DH in after work time.

This is not my experience of WFH, it’s been an absolute boon for me. I work less hours than I would in an office because I can just stop when the work’s done rather than having to hang around til 5pm (I appreciate this isn’t possible for all jobs). I’ve always been a bit of a lazy slob when it comes to household stuff that certainly hasn’t changed. I don’t feel like I “should” do it just because I’m at home.

I think WAH benefits women because they do most of the house admin - that is different to saying they SHOULD do the brunt of the work. But if they do, and that’s normal for many households, it means a better work/life balance for me.

Why are you getting up at 630am whilst he’s getting up at 8am? Unless you’re going to say he’s not home until 9pm he can get up to do chores.

My DH cannot work from home but my job is more flexible but he’s still capable of emptying a dishwasher before he leaves in the morning.

In my house, my DH having a working from home contract has liberated me more than any thing else since we had chikdren.

He does 50/50 cooking, he hangs washing when he is on conference calls, he is here when the taxi comes home for our son.

It's enabled me to get a job further away on 40% more salary. I'm still part time.

I get your point if it was all women working from home, or men working from home refused to unload the dishwasher on thier break.

But why do you get yo at 6.30. Surely you could get yo just momenta before starting work. Seems like you're choosing to do housework and then complaining about it. I dont do more housework when I'm WFH l...as I'm working.

I don't pick up more tasks when wfh tbh

Its not a poor women issue, its an issue with the split of chores in your house. Why isn’t your dh picking up more?

I always say to my husband that he has the best stay at home wife with a full time job there is! I do 99% of all house stuff.

wouldn’t swap it for hours a day on a packed train through ( and I do now go to my offices a 1.5h drive away at least once a week)

Not to mention the expectation* that women can also be responsible for childcare while they WFH, meaning that they do a bad job of both.

*yes, I know it's not a universal expectation, but it seems to be becoming increasingly widespread and no one expected you to both work and look after a child when you had to come to a physical workplace

Surely it depends on who does more WFH? Generally, DH and I both go in 2 days a week but this week, I’ve had to go in 4 days plus am away next week with work. At which point, DH picks up all of the household stuff. If he’s travelling for work, or has a busy week, I do more of it. I do agree with a PP that both of us having increased flexibility and hybrid working arrangements has been very helpful. Pre-Covid, we were both in the office for five long days and I have no idea how we would have balanced everything now that we have DS (born just before Covid hit).

I think there’s a risk that women end up doing all the housework/childcare
Also women potentially miss out on opportunities at work by WFH
None of these risks are inevitable,but we should be aware of them
Eg If I get an urgent job in on a Friday afternoon am I going to give it to my assistant works in the office who I can go and speak to and she can start work on it immediately,or am I going to try and track down my assistant that WFH and have a Teams call ?

And if it was the other way round and you had to go into the office 3x a week and you DH didn’t then he would be picking up tasks in the house (and if he doesn’t then that’s a different problem to wfh)

I think you are looking for a problem that isn’t there

No, I think WFH has been liberating for many women and many couples.

This does seem to be a bit more about the man you married OP, and your domestic imbalance.

For a start, what's stopping him getting up at the same time as you and getting stuck into his domestic responsibilities before he leaves for work?

The fair distribution of domestic labour in your home is something you have agency over. For many people WFH is really important.

Me, I go to the office, I don’t have a home office. I don’t begrudge other people who do. I can see the benefits of WFH. I am not sure that people are more productive because I don’t see more tangible outputs.

Not in my house - I work from home full time.
I work my set hours 8am - 4pm.

I alway thought my house would be spotless if i worked from home, it is as grubby as ever tbh probably more so cos there is no urgency anymore - no hamster in the wheel vibes

If anything it has liberated me, I now have time to pursue hobbies in the evenings - cos i am not knackered after a public transport communte. I take my time cooking dinner and it isnt some rush job.

I get to go to the gym 3 times a week on my lunch break.

The best part is, i dont get to listen the negative BS around the office

No mental runs to get kids in to breakfast club at 7am, they now walk to school @8.15am .

No panic trying to get them from afternoon school when the buses dont turn up - they walk home when school has finished.

WFH has completely changed my life for the better physcially, emotionall and mentally

You do 99%??

Does he work 7 days a week?

This isn't a 'working from home for women' problem, this is a problem in the dynamic of your relationship. Why are you doing these extra things and why does he not have to?

although at times WFH is very convenient it actually means longer hours

Why? You work your contracted hours – that's it. If you have a demanding job where you have to work over for whatever reason, then that's an issue with your company or your work efficiency. What does that have to do with women working from home?

The only thing that you should pick up the slack in is during the commuting time, because you don't have to do that, and he does.

I honestly don't understand how any of this has any grounding in working from home being the problem. If working from home is highlighting inequalities in domestic labour, then it's highlighting an issue in your relationship or your husband's attitude to domesticity, and that's it.

Not for me. It's amazing! I do pick up domestic stuff at home but it fits in with my work and it makes life easier for us all. My husband unloads the dishwasher and cleans up the kitchen before he leaves for work and I get the kids off to childcare/school but I'd be doing that anyway. WFH means I don't have to be ready to be out of the house all day before we leave for school. I get my breakfast when I get back. I hang washing on calls etc. my husband can't WFH as is a teacher but definitely pulls his weight.

Id say it's the opposite in our house - my dh gets a fair bit done over lunch and in breaks when hes working from home. Surely it depends on who is working from home the most and your expectations as a family? Wfh has enabled me to work more hours which I wouldn't have been able to do with a commute and also enabled my dh to be at home more so it's a win win for us.

Men also WFH. Why would a woman be passed up for career opportunities due to WFH and not men?
Not convinced this is actual an issue anyway.
If I need an urgent task done I will delegate it to the most appropriate person available, irrespective whether they are in the office or WFH.
Selecting the person in the office as it’s more convenient for you is poor management.

No, we share it. Whoever is working from home does the laundry at lunchtime and has dinner ready when the other person gets home. It doesn't and shouldn't fall on an individual. Everyone should be capable of doing housework.

No we spend our weekends doing fun stuff. If I left the jobs he’d do them. But I don’t like to. That’s my choice, I can’t work or concentrate if there is a mess, it take me an hour before work to get stuff done ; everything is kept on top of so no need for massive cleans or anything.

Sounds like a problem with your husband rather than WFH in general