Working From Home - backwards step for women?

[nearlyemptynes]

My husband and I both worked from home when Covid hit and continued to do so. I am now in the office once a month but DH has to go in 3 days a week. We both work full time and both have demanding jobs. When he is in the office he gets up around 8 , showers and goes into the office. I am picking up most of the domestic tasks, shopping, cleaning, loading the dishwasher, cooking, running children around etc. It just seems to me that WFH has resulted in me taking on more at home whilst he gets to swan about - that is a simplification but you get what I mean. The more I think about it the more I think it is a backwards step for women and although at times WFH is very convenient it actually means longer hours, I often start work at 6.30am, and more of the domestic tasks expected to fall on women's shoulders. Is this just me or is this the experience of others? I could go into the office more if I wanted to- maybe I should?

But you are cutting out commuting time, and you can take a lunch break. That’s when I get things done when I’m wfh.

I don't have a lunch break and commuting time for me is neither here or there for me, it's literally 5 minutes if I wish to head to the office.

I understand it's not the case for everyone, my partner also WFH and he uses his lunch break for the purpose it is given, to have a break. Sit down, eat his lunch and relax to which I agree.

We share household chores outside of our working pattern. For the OP to state that WFH is taking a step back for women, is wrong in my opinion.

Sorry OP but no you are being ridiculous, if I'm up at 6:30am (which I often am) I'm doing housework so I can relax in the evening, or spending time with my kids, not logging on to work. When I work from home I get 2 hours of my time back from not having to commute, it makes the day so much less stressful and busy and I get a lot more done in general. It sounds like you have a time management problem and you can't blame that on wfh.

I agree with your opinion on the OP. It was just your “I don’t have time to swan about” I objected to. Most people I know who wfh and do some housework do it during commuting time, or during lunch. We aren’t all swanning about neglecting work because we’re doing the hoovering.

Interesting. I work with more focus at home and feel a bit trapped. I don't do more housework cos I and probably more occupied at work. I took have had very demanding jobs and working from home seems to help with that more. I go into office for a change but I get less done. There are more distractions in office but I kinda like the distractions.

I WFH 5 days a week, dh out 5 days. We equally share housework.

Some women fall naturally into the “caring” role at home which is fair enough if they choose to do that/enjoy it, but if they don’t they are the only one who can’t say no.

It is not a society or WFH issue, it is individual to each woman/relationship context to set and stick to her own sense of fairness and boundaries and not avoid doing that by making up non existent barriers.

I was just referring to my own self there because I don't get a lunch break, so wouldn't be able to complete household chores if I wanted to.

I don't believe that everyone doing household chores in working hours are swanning around so apologies if that's what you thought I was referring to. I know a few people men and women who complete these tasks on their given breaks.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with completing these tasks on a break or lunch break if that is what someone chooses to do and in that instance, I wouldn't class it as swanning about.

I referenced that word as that is what the OP mentioned about working in the office. I work in a hybrid role and I can guarantee that I don't swan about when working in the office.

Honestly OP, this sounds like a you problem.

First of all, when you talk about "working longer hours", what do you mean?

Do you mean you're working for longer than your contracted hours at work on the basis that you don't have a commute? If so, cut that shit out immediately. Your employer doesn't pay you for pre work time or after work time when you're commuting, so they're not entitled to your pre work time or after work time when you work from home.

When you get up at 6:30am, what do you do? Are you doing household chores and school drop offs before you start work at 9:00am as if you were in the office? If so, you and your husband need to split the difference. He can get up 45 minutes earlier and you can get up 45 minutes later and he pulls his weight.

Or are you starting work earlier so that you can finish earlier (flexible hours) so you can take care of your kids after school? If so, your whole family is gaining a benefit from you structuring your hours in this way, and your husband needs to be picking up the slack in other ways.

I do usually do more housework on my WFH days, but not that much. Usually it's because I have time to do a load of washing before I start work, take a quick break to hang it up, and then put it away at the end of the day when it's dry. But I'm not taking loads of time out of my working day to do that, and I'm certainly not getting up at the crack of dawn to do it while my husband sleeps on the grounds that I WFH and he doesn't. Why would I?

So you need to work out what the actual issue is and do something about it.

Are you working extra hours for your employer because you WFH? If so, don't. Tell them that your workload is too much for one person and you've been putting in extra hours since COVID but you're heading for burnout.

Are you doing more housework and childcare than your husband because you WFH? If so, don't. It is 50% his responsibility. At most you could be doing housework during the time that he commutes on the grounds that you are both doing something falling into the category of "shit that needs to be done but which you aren't getting paid for". Anything you can't get done during his commuting time needs to be split fairly between you.

Wow, you've spectacularly missed the point here, haven't you?

I don't work from home but even if I did, it wouldn't be a 'step backwards' for me because I married a fully competent man, who doesn't see housework as my job.

Perhaps you need to go back and read the OP again.

I work from home when I want and go in when I want or have to.

I love the flexibility of wfh and don’t mind doing all jobs that need doing. 3 lots of washing done today and hung out. I’ve worked about 2 hrs this morning and will probably do the same this afternoon. No one monitors me and as long as jobs are done and I keep on top of workload it’s all good.

Just to add how out housework set up
looks wfh. I get up at 6 and leave just before 7 and if there is washing to be done, I chuck a load in. DH gets up at 8 and will hang out/up washing before he starts and if weather is good put in another load (despite just being two people we seem to have enough washing for the street). When both at home we share tasks. I might do the dishwasher he’ll do the bins etc. it’s more just about who has available time to do stuff so we aren’t doing it all at weekends.

I’d argue it works the other way, and men pick up more of the responsibility. I WFH a fair bit now, and I do everything in home on the days I don’t have a commute. When I’m in the office I still do nursery drop off and pick up. I’m actually very efficient at how I manage my time for household chores, kiddo, exercise (marathon and / or triathlon training), and then my working time. I don’t get how it isn’t achievable for other men to balance the home-front, work, and the hobbies?

But every couple is different, but I do significantly more than my SO, and I’m okay with it (she gave me my kiddo after all, and she lets me train for whatever marathon / triathlon I’ve got upcoming). If your SO isn’t helping, you need to have a word with them so they pick up the slack as no-one can do everything solo.

WFH has been an absolute godsend for me. I no longer feel like I’m constantly rushing from place to place and letting everyone down, which means I can be calmer and more focused when I’m working. I can collect DD from school at 3.30 a couple of times a week, which she loves. I actually find I get more housework done, as I do bits and pieces on my lunch/coffee breaks, so I feel like I’m keeping on top of it more. I’d never go back to a full time office based role now.

WFH has been an absolute boost for me, with the added caveat that my job isn't full on and I have a LOT of downtime. I used to sit in the office on a sunny day watching the clock tick by knowing I had a pile of washing I needed to do that could have been dry if I'd have been home.

My DH works shifts, he does the chores when he's home but when he's working, I do them all. I'm saving hours a week of commuting time, I can wash clothes overnight on the cheap rate because I'm not rushing off to work in the morning, I have time to hang it out. I can also grab it in if raining, accept deliveries, get food out of the freezer for dinner. My commute home used to be crawling bumper to bumper for miles and thinking about everything I still had to do after I got home. Now I can properly chill out in the evening and at weekends.

Since when does WFH mean "doing the school run"?

You might have a couple of employees who take the piss and are doing childcare instead of working. They would the same ones who do "tea runs" and other waste of everybody's time in the office.

If people are professional, they are just as efficient at home as in the office - often a lot more efficient at home.

No, when I'm working from home, I'm working at my job. More fool you if you're trying to multi-task housework at the same time. Sod that for a game of soldiers.

I could go into the office more if I wanted to- maybe I should?

I still don't understand why you would do LESS if you go to the office. If you work full-time either way, why are you adding stuff when you are at home? It doesn't make any sense.

I definitely notice a difference between DH and I when we WFH.

We both take our jobs seriously but I will tend to use my lunch break to do something like prep dinner or laundry whereas DH will sit and read a book or something.

I guess that's just socialisation for you!

What I think is really bad for women is the increasing tendency to try to do childcare as well as WFH. It's not good for women to see childcare as something they can do at the same time as working, I feel like it leads to burnout and also to not being taken seriously at work.

I’m with you OP, it’s not great and I think it’s holding women back now.

There are so many threads on here about mums being able to do so much more housework/childcare etc when they work from home, but I’ve never heard a man say that.

Also the dads I’ve worked with go into the office “to get a break from the kids” - and I’ve never heard a mum say that.

Nah, that's not my experience - I have a very similar set up to you (one day a month in the office for me, DH is in the office 3 days a week). He does just as much around the house as me (if not more tbh). I don't do anything around the house particularly when I'm WFH - I might stick a load of washing on the line when I stop for a coffee, but that's it. DH also gets up before me and deals with the pets, empties the dishwasher, sorts breakfast for the kids (and does that whether he's at home or in the office).

So I would say this is more your own conditioning - you're feeling like you should do more because you're at home and then you're resenting it. Whereas you could just not do all the household stuff during the day and split them between you after work/at weekends as you would if you were working in the office.

Women not using their words is a backwards step for women OP. You shouldn’t need to go to the office to escape doing all/most of the housework. You need to speak up, sit your husband down and work out together how you’re going to divide the tasks up evenly/optimally.

I WFH and DP doesn't. If anything I still manage to do less housework than he does, on account of being a lazy slattern. But obviously things like laundry fall to me because it's much more convenient to do it if you're at home all day rather than trying to cram it into evenings/weekends.

I'm child-free but most parent friends say WFH has been a boon for them. Better flexibility means they can fit work around their kids' nursery/school hours. Both parents at home more (and not knackered from commuting) means more hands on deck for domestic chores.

Exactly. It really gets my goat when people refer to WFH as if it is some kind of 'get out' from work. People will work with the same level of conscientousness whether at home or in the office.
The biggest piss-takers I've ever worked with were pretty shameless about doing it when everyone worked 5 days a week in the office. One essentially used the workplace as a social event for meeting and chatting with mates and did all her home admin, phone calls to bank/utilities/ holiday planning openly in the office for years. No one would ever say anything to her, including managers, because she was more trouble than she was worth, so she could act like that with total impunity.

I said something to her once in a reasonable time about her always being on personal calls, to which she took great affront, and I got told by the office bully that I shouldn't have said anything to her or I could be accused of bullying. She then took 6 months off 'sick'during which she project managed her loft conversion..

Another one couldn't afford childcare so she took days off every week with litanies of excuses from a rota of illness going round her whole family, to not being safe driving when it was windy, falling down the stairs a couple of times a month, on and on. She was staying at home with her child to avoid nursery fees. Again, before Covid and again she got away with it.

On the other hand I know a lot of people who when WFH will work their commute time for free, could be 2 extra hours a day.

So go into the office then … if he’s going in 3 days, why don’t you?

I agree with some points as my situation is the same, except my husband is now 5 days in office and I am wfh full time.
I think it will come down to who is workimg from home, will naturally pick up more home jobs as they are there and no commuting time.
I am frustrated tbh, but the alterniatve is back to office and I dont really want to do that either.
I always did more, even when we were both office bases. He will say he does a lot and hes not that bad but I definitely do more either way.