Working From Home - backwards step for women?

[nearlyemptynes]

My husband and I both worked from home when Covid hit and continued to do so. I am now in the office once a month but DH has to go in 3 days a week. We both work full time and both have demanding jobs. When he is in the office he gets up around 8 , showers and goes into the office. I am picking up most of the domestic tasks, shopping, cleaning, loading the dishwasher, cooking, running children around etc. It just seems to me that WFH has resulted in me taking on more at home whilst he gets to swan about - that is a simplification but you get what I mean. The more I think about it the more I think it is a backwards step for women and although at times WFH is very convenient it actually means longer hours, I often start work at 6.30am, and more of the domestic tasks expected to fall on women's shoulders. Is this just me or is this the experience of others? I could go into the office more if I wanted to- maybe I should?

We split all chores. When I WFH (3 days), I do the drop off for DS and DH cleans the house before starting work. When I'm in the office, he does the drop off and a bit of cleaning and dinner and I do the pick up on the way back from work. You'll have to communicate expectations and how you share the workload.

I WFH permanently, DP 2 days a week, I do little to no housework when I’m at home bar throw on the dishwasher or a wash, DP tends to do a bit more and vacuums and washes all the floors in between meetings.
Honestly, if I am going to doss off paid work, I’m not going to waste the time doing housework.

Why are you doing everything? that's the problem.

I think the domestic load falls more to whoever’s role is WFH more but… that isn’t more likely to be the woman, AFAIK?

I actually think WFH has been a huge benefit to women in general as all the bellyaching about being home for the kids etc is largely removed by not commuting every day.

In 2019 I was assuming I’d never do pick ups, dinner etc. Now I easily do that two days a week. Huge benefit to me, zero discussion with my employer about it.

Sounds like hubby is taking the Mick, tbh. Lazy sod. Tell him this 😀

No, my husband does more as he is at home. I get up at 6 3 times a week and home at 5.45. Husband gets up at 8 and finishes at 4 and only has to go in once a week so it’s not a sex thing it’s a wfh thing.

I think your point is certainly worthy of a discussion. It’s not about WFH, it’s about how WFH can have an adverse effect on already imbalanced relationships.

If you’re blessed to have a decent partner then it benefits both. If you’re in a relationship with a man who is blind or ignorant of what it takes to run a household, it exacerbates the situation.

Mumsnet doesn’t seem to represent the reality I see around me, I do work with a number of ‘good men’ who appear to do their share of household management, but I suspect they remain in the minority.

I agree with you, OP. I have a large family and the expectation is the one at home has done most of the house jobs before the workers get back - despite us all working similar hours. Two days a week I'm booking myself a remote working office to counteract this.

No it's not a step back for women, because women in this country have free choice in who they marry and therefore can decide not to be with lazy, misogynistic wankers. If you know he wouldn't pick up all this extra load if he was working from home (because man), then why do you?

It just falls to whoever is wfh, to do the domestic stuff. Nothing to do with women vs men.

My husband wfh every day and is a very early riser. I go into the office maybe 2 days per week, but never get up before 8am. I don’t do any of the domestic stuff like the dishwasher or laundry as he’s always done it by the time I get up, regardless of whether I’m wfh or not.

All these women who have 'taken a step backwards' and do the majority of domestic tasks as well as working from home.

Are you/were you happy to do the majority of work when you are/were in the office?

Or would you be going straight to your manager and complaining that it's absolutely not down to you to do it all?

What's the difference at home?

Except of course that the person happily sitting by and watching you do it all, claims to love you?

Your husband should get up at 7 and do some jobs. Be a team, no matter what your working patterns are.

I don’t agree it’s a management issue
Its my company and it’s what works for me,and also the client
If it needs done I don’t have time to wait for the school run to be over

I work from home and DH works full time out if the house. I do precisely zero more house admin as a result of this, and probably do 30% of overall housework.

I do get to do my housework on lunch break and before and after work (eg getting the washing machine running), and get free weekend days instead of doing it all at the weekend which I used to do when I was full time in the office.

Don’t start making suggestions that ruin WFH for everyone because you can’t sufficiently balance domesticity in your house.

I think the domestic side falls more to who ever works from home the most. If your partner was full time WFH, would he pick up more of the household tasks?

Well when I WFH, I am doing just that WFH. I don't have time to swan around, cooking, cleaning and doing laundry!

I’m a woman.

It’s not a backwards step for me. In fact it has given me more of my weekend back. I can put on laundry while wfh (and before the “YOu aRE meAnt t0 bEE woRk1nG” banshees start - it takes me 2 mins to put on a load and about 3 to hand things. When in the office I always take breaks too. Need to protect my eyes.)

Similarly at lunch I can hoover, and am home to receive scheduled deliveries leaving my weekends freer. I do hybrid and am equally productive at home as in the office and won’t work for an employer that wants 100% office based personnel again.

I've worked from home ever since I left uni back in 2008, and I wouldn't change it for anything.

I don't end up doing more, unless I feel like it, because I've put firm boundaries in, and my partner and I talked about this stuff, divided tasks equally, and that's that. Obviously, sometimes I'll put an extra wash on if I have time, or take the dog for an extra walk if I'm free, but it's not an expectation.

Isn’t it just a coincidence that your job requires you in far less than your DH’s? Or are you saying your DH wouldn’t do it if at home? If so, why wouldn’t he?

For us, the jobs are reversed. I’m in the office 3 days a week and DH almost never has to go in. When I’m in the office I get up and go, he gets up, does the DC breakfast, does the school run (back home by 9), will often do bits during his lunch break (hang some washing out, put washing away, hoover etc).

@nearlyemptynes You will never get more of a pile on here then when you dare to criticise working from home. How dare you have another opinion about it. You best be quiet because we all love it. 😒

And yes it is boring and regressive!

People disagreeing is not a 'pile on'. What is this demand for echo chambers? Ask AI if you just want positive affirmations.

Dh and I both wfh to different degrees - dh goes in once a month I am in 3 days a week. Dh probably does slightly more as he has to start dinner due to dc clubs and them needing food and timings. Dh and I share the house work and mental load dividing up responsibilities (eg. I manage dd3’s dance clubs and show paperwork etc, dh manages dd2’s cadets paperwork for camps etc). Dh does 99% of clothes washing, I make sure we have food and manage the budget.

You need to reset responsibilities. I can do a food shop online in my lunch break so give dh responsibilities he can do like fill in forms for dc etc.

YABU OP, those disadvantages apply to your specific circumstances. You need to tell your dh to pull his weight. Your problem is your man, not your work setup

I'm a single mum and for the 7 years before covid, I was restricted to working within three or four miles of the primary school so I could do drop off and pickup, even with ASC.

I took a new job during Covid, with a full remote contract. Central London company so big pay rise. Massive reduction in stress. Career progression 😎

I'd drop DS at the school bus, log on at 8am, put supper in the slow cooker and a load of washing in the machine at lunchtime, work until 4, then collect ds. Settle him with a snack and his homework and work until 6. Despite working longer hours I had more free time and much less stress.

My employer got 8.5 hours work a day out of me. I caught fewer colds, had more energy. My child was happier.

Now I've changed job again, back to local because my ex-CEO moved into central London and wanted everyone in Blackfriars full time. Thankfully DS is older now and can get himself around. But those 5 years wfh were a godsend.