Working From Home - backwards step for women?

[nearlyemptynes]

My husband and I both worked from home when Covid hit and continued to do so. I am now in the office once a month but DH has to go in 3 days a week. We both work full time and both have demanding jobs. When he is in the office he gets up around 8 , showers and goes into the office. I am picking up most of the domestic tasks, shopping, cleaning, loading the dishwasher, cooking, running children around etc. It just seems to me that WFH has resulted in me taking on more at home whilst he gets to swan about - that is a simplification but you get what I mean. The more I think about it the more I think it is a backwards step for women and although at times WFH is very convenient it actually means longer hours, I often start work at 6.30am, and more of the domestic tasks expected to fall on women's shoulders. Is this just me or is this the experience of others? I could go into the office more if I wanted to- maybe I should?

Another OP that’s disappeared 🙄

My dh and I split the chores - he is in the office more and travels for work so of course I tend to do more cooking (otherwise on office days no one would eat until 8pm which wouldn’t work for my 6 yo!) and I do more of the after school ferrying of the kids. But still dh pulls his weight and then some.

I think you need to have a word with dh so that he is workin from 6.30am too!

TBH I think this is more a general division of labour problem rather than a WFH problem. I love WFH as I drop 2 hrs commuting - amazing! However if I WFH I am working. I remember a long time ago a conversation with husband when I first started it:
Him "Why didn't you tidy up the kitchen?"
Me "Why didn't you?
Him "I've been at work all day"
Me "Me too"
It took time but the message slowly got through. I'm working when I'm working, irrespective of location. I will accept package deliveries and maximum put a wash on shortly before I am due to finish. Otherwise - I'm working.

I agree that it falls to the person who is wfh, but it seems to be the case that women are the sex that are wfh more than men - is this because they choose to,? or because they are in roles where they can do it, or is it because of expectations in their family? I expect more men do choose to go into work so they can escape the house jobs (or possibly because they don't even think of them).

I agree OP, go into the office more and split it with your H so that only one of you is home at any given time. Then see how much he does on his days at home.

For me, as a single parent, I feel trapped by all the jobs when I'm at home all day. Then again, there's no one else that's going to do them.

It's the same for me OP. When I wfh I tidy up, do laundry, fetch kids. When DP wfh he is on meetings solidly until 6pm.
I much prefer him going to the office so I am not clearing up after him while I work..

What I think is really bad for women is the increasing tendency to try to do childcare as well as WFH. It's not good for women to see childcare as something they can do at the same time as working, I feel like it leads to burnout and also to not being taken seriously at work.

That's just being stupid and unprofessional. Would you take your child in the office? If the answer is no, then you can't do childcare. You deserve burnout if you are a CF.

Do what what you would do if you were in the office, pay for the childcare you need. Not only will you be a crap parent and a crap employee - and most people who do that don't care, but hopefully it will show you are doing very little and that will have consequences.

Being in the house with secondary school children is one thing - they do their own thing, you can take 3mn to say hi - but actually parenting and not staying in your office? just no.

It pisses me off because it's usually WOMEN and it's another excuse not to take us seriously and another thing we have to fight.

I love WFH. Regarding housework and admin I leave most of that to my DH. It doesn’t have to be the woman who does it.

Kindly, I think this is more due to the dynamics you've created unconsciously than WFH arrangements.
I did the same and was running myself ragged. It was actually posting on MN that helped me sort things out to be more sustainable.
a) I don't do anything house related during my working hours. If we had to rush out the door after breakfast without cleaning up the crumbs they stay there until after I've picked the kids up. Kids help clean up and prep dinner when they get home, even if it's just by staying out of the way for a bit!
b) My husband helps in the morning, get the kids up, prep breakfast or lunches or dinner, whatever needs doing
c) We have a cleaner to help us keep on top of things
d) I got a dryer (which doesn't seem much use right now, but in winter it saved loads of time). Also, if I haven't had time to put a wash on in the morning before work we have a back up
e) considered but not yet got a robot hoover.

I almost gave up my job because I found there were not enough hours in the school day to keep things clean, cook etc and posters persuaded me it'd get easier and to rope the family in more. It took a while but I'm really glad I did so because I enjoy my job and would have found a life of cleaning and cooking frustrating.

Being physically in the home means you can do house stuff, if you have the time to. My DH wfh and I can tell when he's had a busy day because no housework has been done, other times it will be tody and clean, meal prepped etc.

Oh yes and I do hate those days I come home and it's a mess and so much to do after long commute, full on day lol 😆

Yabu wfh has saved my career. I have two young kids and if my husband and I couldn't work at home a couple of days each, we would have struggled a lot. We live in London and have no help. We could move of course but I'm glad we weeent forced to. We both work in niche fields so it would be bad to move.👌We have an easy schedule. He does pick up drop off on a Tuesday and Thursday. I do Monday and Wednesday. Friday is shared.

However, I must admit I don't particularly like working from home. I prefer my office days. But once the kids are a bit older I will get them back.

I would expect whichever person was at home and therefore didn't have a commute to probably do slightly more on balance - on days I WFH I will chuck a wash on while I wait for the kettle to boil/hang it out at lunch/might tidy or hoover on my lunch, DH does the same when he's WFH.

But it's not like disproportionately women work from home or are being forced to (to my knowledge!). So it's not like it's some societal step back - it's just that in your house, you happen to WFH more and you're picking up more household stuff as a result. Just tell your husband you can't/don't have time/it's not fair?