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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dh been caught out and trying to hide it or am I mad?!?!

106 replies

girlmum1999 · 13/06/2025 02:09

Situation -
a random girl has added me on Facebook, I saw that she has liked some of dh posts so I thought she was someone he knew so added her. I then saw on her page that he had been liking her posts. I then asked him about her to which he said straight away why what has she said. I said nothing howcome and he replied funny story but I messaged her to see if she was being loyal to my friend as they have recently started talking. He then said I have blocked her on everyone now tho as she pointed out I had a partner and a child.

dh has then rang his friend and before the phone call has stated I bet his says ….. and when on the phone his friend said the exact thing word for word which dh has told me what he would say then friend said I need to go which is not like him. Dh has admitted to talking to his friend about this while I have been in the house however has hid it by saying that he is showing him the garden furniture. I asked dh when did this start he said 3 days ago so I said well why not tell me if it was fake and you was just doing it to see if she is talking to other people. Just to clarify dh’s friend is not in any sort of relationship with this girl.

I asked dh if he had complimented the girl and told her if she’s good looking he said he couldn’t remember exactly what he said but he probably did. I have expressed to dh that this has really annoyed me that he has been saying this to another woman but he can never compliment me and in the day he hardly messages me, so it makes me question when has he been messaging her, through the day while at work, at home when I’m there, it has really upset me.

aibu for thinking deeply into this, It just doesn’t add up but if I said anything he’ll just say you don’t trust me but it’s weird.

when I have spoken to dh’s friend in the past, he was trying to chat up one of my friends I stated that she most likely isn’t interest as she is talking to other people however he stated he isn’t bothered and is just looking for a good time, so why the sudden change of heart with this woman he hardly knows.

dh has also said that he doesn’t have the messages, surely you’d keep them and show myself?

I just think its bizarre not to tell my and for me to find out by her adding me on Facebook and me having to ask if he knows her.

im not saying I don’t trust him I just do not believe the situation makes sense. Am I going mad?!?!
do I message the girl and ask?!??

OP posts:
girlmum1999 · 13/06/2025 11:22

Do I confront him and tell him that I have messaged her?

OP posts:
BatFaceChops · 13/06/2025 11:22

This sounds like the sort of scenario that I’d expect to have to help my 18 year old new to relationships son with, tbh

LaurieFairyCake · 13/06/2025 11:22

But does she know your partner, not his mate

girlmum1999 · 13/06/2025 11:23

BatFaceChops · 13/06/2025 11:22

This sounds like the sort of scenario that I’d expect to have to help my 18 year old new to relationships son with, tbh

It’s pathetic and is childish

OP posts:
ohyesido · 13/06/2025 11:26

That’s a complicated web of lies he has created isn’t it? He has obviously primed his mate to cover for him before the call.

kellygoeswest · 13/06/2025 11:26

Has she sent you any screenshots? I believe her, but it might help you make sense of what he's been saying to her if you see it written out. It's definitely sus and sounds like he's been trying it with her though.

MossyNest · 13/06/2025 11:32

It’s obvious his friend is covering for him. Your DH is at the very least looking for someone to be unfaithful with. He will now lie and lie and maybe suggest you have counselling. Sorry.

RunningJo · 13/06/2025 11:33

Clearly he's lying and getting his friend to help him.

I would ask her to clarify how they met, ask for copies of messages he has sent.
Then I would speak to your DH, the more evidence you have the less he can try to bullshit his way out of being a vile cheating excuse of a person.
Hope you have friends and family you can turn to for support OP.

MossyNest · 13/06/2025 11:34

Oh and you aren’t mad.

PragmaticIsh · 13/06/2025 11:42

So he's chatting up a woman, and she's let you know. He has then tried (badly) to get his friend to help him cover his tracks.

How utterly pathetic. What a man-child.

Whether he's actually done anything with her, I'd dump him for being pathetic, a liar and quite frankly, a bit thick.

Crikeyalmighty · 13/06/2025 11:47

Obviously just fancies his chances and a player - probably not his first time either - depends if you fancy a life of this shit OP what you do because chances are it’s in his personality

Richandstrange · 13/06/2025 11:55

You don't need to dig for any more evidence OP, he was obviously trying to cheat (or at least get his ego stroked) and will do so again if you stay with him. I know it's gut wrenching, especially with a young baby, but you will save yourself years of hassle and heartbreak if you get rid of him now, he's not one of the good ones and you deserve better Flowers

Swiftie1878 · 13/06/2025 11:57

I would get any info you can from her (including screenshots) if she’s happy to share.
I’d also thank her for being honourable and turning him down, knowing he is married with a child. And for letting you know that he is a scumbag who can’t be trusted.

girlmum1999 · 13/06/2025 11:59

So to add to this messy story she has said he has sent a topless picture in the gym but he hasn’t been the gym for 2 weeks.

NOTHING IS MAKING SENSE

OP posts:
Swiftie1878 · 13/06/2025 12:02

girlmum1999 · 13/06/2025 11:59

So to add to this messy story she has said he has sent a topless picture in the gym but he hasn’t been the gym for 2 weeks.

NOTHING IS MAKING SENSE

OF COURSE IT MAKES SENSE!

largeredformeplease · 13/06/2025 12:03

Oh love. Just leave. Or ask him to leave. This is awful and it’s clearly just who he is.

you deserve better

InBedBy10 · 13/06/2025 12:04

girlmum1999 · 13/06/2025 11:59

So to add to this messy story she has said he has sent a topless picture in the gym but he hasn’t been the gym for 2 weeks.

NOTHING IS MAKING SENSE

Doesn't mean it was a recent picture. It could be one he took ages ago.

I think deep down you know he's been cheating, or at least trying to but you dont want to believe it, understandably. So now your poking holes in her story.

I've seen this a thousand times. You're going to forgive him or sweep this under the carpet. I cant blame you, you've just had a baby. No one wants to break up their family. But a few years down the line you'll break up anyway because he's been cheating on you for years. They dont change.

Fastingandhungry · 13/06/2025 12:04

I’d be believing her? Has he done anything like this before?

EggnogNoggin · 13/06/2025 12:06

So he added her to chat her up to prove she would cheat on his friend who isn't into her?

It's obviously bollocks, isn't it?

Auroraloves · 13/06/2025 12:13

girlmum1999 · 13/06/2025 11:59

So to add to this messy story she has said he has sent a topless picture in the gym but he hasn’t been the gym for 2 weeks.

NOTHING IS MAKING SENSE

Ask her to send screenshots of the messages

rainbowstardrops · 13/06/2025 12:25

I’d ask her to send a screenshot of the gym photo.

MrTiddlesTheCat · 13/06/2025 12:30

girlmum1999 · 13/06/2025 11:59

So to add to this messy story she has said he has sent a topless picture in the gym but he hasn’t been the gym for 2 weeks.

NOTHING IS MAKING SENSE

It does make sense, you just don't want to believe what you're seeing.

Insidelaurashed · 13/06/2025 12:33

She sounds like a lovely woman, in terms of she's thought hmm this is weird, and tried to make contact with you. Give yourself the same respect she's trying to, and dump the idiot man

C080889 · 13/06/2025 12:36

He wants to shag her. Looking for an ego boost and compliments by sending a pic and then asking for one in return.

You deserve better

Gemmawemma9 · 13/06/2025 12:41

He is a liar. He’s tried to cheat on you, been knocked back, shit him self. His little toe rag friend has tried to cover for him. Lucky for you this girl is decent and has told you all you need to know.
Now to decide whether you want to be in a relationship with someone unable to keep his dick in his pants. If he’s cheating on you this early in there’s no hope.
Also, I bet my bottom dollar this isn’t the first girl he’s messaged either.

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