Schools and their shit - a rant

[Icannoteven]

Aargh! Schools and their incessant shit!

I have two kids, one leaving infants school and one leaving juniors for comp and this month has just been back to back bullshit. I’ve had approximately 3 billion emails from each school about events which require parental participation in some form or attendance at school during the school working day.

Leavers disco, dress up days, tombola donations, leavers assembly, leavers performance, end of term trip - parent helpers needed, parents evening, fucking bake sales, welcome evening, welcome day, welcome afternoon tea, Father’s Day event, summer fayre, parent helpers for summer fayre, summer picnic, non-uniform day, sport day, information evening, chance to meet the send team and on and on and on. A separate email for each one.

Jesus Christ. Am I supposed to take the entirety of July off to deal with school admin and attend day-time events? It’s so relentless. Add medical appointments on top of all this shite and it’s amazing any parent manages to ever hold down a job.

Do schools not think about the burden on parents? Do they think everyone has a SAHM?

What about the paramedics and healthcare workers who simply can't nip out of work for a couple of hours to attend these things? It's not that they think they are 'too busy or important' I'm sure they would love to be there, but their jobs simply don't allow for it.

DH is a doctor with 40+ appointments a day and runs a full clinic that sees more than 100 people. Still manages to attend 30-50% of school events. With enough advance notice, he just has to block off two hours or reschedule appointments. I read the emails and tell him at least a month earlier that he needs to be at the school at X time on X day. Hospital doctors have it somewhat easier as they can adjust or swap shifts or do more night work to stay free during the day.

Obviously there were a few times where an emergency came up and it just wasn't possible but as mentioned earlier, it's absolutely no different to scheduling a doctors appointment, a teeth cleaning or car MOT during work hours. Every competent adult manages to slot those into their life as well. It would be ridiculous to claim you cannot go to the dentist and your teeth have rotted because you simply cannot leave work for a few hours.

I've made them all, or his dad has! But my child doesn't event enjoy the activities. It's all too much pressure on parents, usually Mums (and children) to do it all. I do agree with the op on this one.

That's great for your DH, but my band 4 partner would have no chance of getting out the middle of a shift for a couple of hours. We don't get month notice either it's a week at the most. The only thing we have advanced notice of is trips and parents evening.

There IS too much pressure on mums to do it all - you'll have no argument from me there. And as has been shown by pps the societal amnesia that this is 2025, not 1950 is maddening.

But I still think that being annoyed about a system because it doesn't align with you or your child's personal preferences is a little egocentric.

YANBU.

Our primary school seems incapable of grasping that they are, in fact, providing childcare so that parents can actually work as much as they are providing education.

No, I can't attend every sodding coffee morning you arrange, no I don't want to be on the parents council and no, I can't drop fucking everything and collect my child in 5 minutes because he's got a sniffle which will magically clear up when I get there.

And they also insist on sending every bit of information in individual emails and sending text messages to tell us they've sent another useless email at the same time.

Max 1 email a day. No text messages. It's not hard.

Two teacher parent household here. We rarely attended primary school events - learned not to give a shit! It does get easier once they’re in secondary. I have seen DD (Yr 9) perform in more events than I ever did in her 7 years at primary!

Edit: secondary events are in evening and I’ve only missed one parents evening when it clashed with my own.

My kid had a sports day recently and I was only told when I rocked up that parents were not allowed to attend due to safeguarding.

I fucking hate that kind of guilty until proven innocent, suspect everyone bollocks.

I home Ed for most now and it is so relaxing.

Yes, the same shit as working parents. They just don’t have to go out to work as well. Ergo, they have more time. I’m not a SAHM basher, but come on….thats just obvious!

Oh God I feel your pain. My daughter’s infant school smirked at me as though I was being ridiculous when I suggested they might like to take a note of my maiden name as that was how I was known at work. It was during the landline first era. Every year they’d send out our details in case they’d changed, every year I’d tell them if they called my office and asked for Dolphin Marriedname they would be told they had no one who worked there by that name, and in the notes section they could put “ask for Dolphin Maidenname”. Smirk. “Right” Suppressed eye roll. I’ve no idea why this suggestion was unreasonable.

Completely agree.

We can't always take the morning or afternoon off and I feel incredibly guilty that my ds could be the only one without a parent there. We get emails the day before if your child is getting a certificate in assembly with an invitation to come and watch. We cannot facilitate this with an evenings notice.

Not to mention if I did take annual leave for every single event, there wouldn't be much left for school holidays. We don't have any family who can go in our place and my guilt is horrendous when none of us can attend.

But some parents want this stuff.

I remember at a parents’ evening wanting to discuss how much excessive homework the kids seemed to be getting. Then I heard a parent in front of me, asking the teacher for more homework. At that point I realised that schools really can’t win and it is better to pick your battles and save your annoyance for what really matters.

ETA we both worked full-time and just attended what we could

"Our primary school seems incapable of grasping that they are, in fact, providing childcare so that parents can actually work as much as they are providing education."

No they aren't. You may take advantage of your child's absence, to work but schools are not child care provision. They can request you collect your child at any point - sickness, disruptive behaviour etc.

ASC is child care.

You don’t have to respond. You don’t have to attend. Parents complain about not being informed about activities, they can’t win.

Nope. It's childcare. When my children are at school, the staff there are responsible for looking after them. Obviously that's not the main point, but absolutely it's childcare as well as education. Yes, I will of course collect my kids etc if they need to be collected, but I'm an hour away and cannot necessarily drop everything instantly to do so. That's just the reality of many working people's lives.

Most mums work! And there usually isn't much choice about it.

As some have mentioned it really makes a real difference if the primary school has a good admin team/admin manager who can do the website/newsletter/comms to parents properly. The attachments to simple emails drives me nuts too. I don't need to open a pdf document just to get the info of three lines which could be said in the email. Just poor admin.

Our schools have been good and I totally understand that they can't please everyone. But to get the admin right is important as it will pre-empt endless phone calls/emails etc. And the calling of mums first even though the dad is first contact is inexcusable if it happens over and over.

Also letting your kids know that you can't attend all events, I think if you tie yourself into knots and attend all and everything that just heightens the kids expectations that you will be at all events. Priorities the biggies, for us that was sports day, assemblies, end of year show etc. Not coffee mornings or if your child is to receive a certificate, that's just silly

I’m a working single parent, no father around at all, so it was just me going to events when my kids were at primary.

At the start of each term the school sent out a list of events, and I would write them down, and book annual leave where possible. Of course there were some last minute things that came up, which I often couldn’t go to, but I made sure I went to as much as I could, so my kids weren't upset.

But I was always amazed at how little notice people took of the newsletter, with all the dates in. Lots of parents would say “oh shit, is it sports day tomorrow, no one told me”, when in fact it had been in the newsletter the previous September!

No child has ever died from missing one meal!

I want each think automatically inserted into a calendar so I can see what is happening on each day. Currently we get what feels like 20 messages telling us different things, and then to figure it out you need to remember which one of the office admins sent it to find the thing again.
The continual bombardment of information is overwhelming and adds to stress.

It's a tricky balance. I want my children to enjoy school and have fun, but it can be a bit full on. Our 'friends of the school' are very vocal and active, organise lots of nice activities, but they're also a very cliquey and probably more upper middle class than most of the school group who I've heard moaning before that it's always the same people volunteering. However, that comes from a place of privilege, as many of us can't work from home or even in the local area. It does feel like there's an expectation that if you can't join in with everything then you become a sort of outsider sometimes.

Using ‘shit’ in your title is uncalled for.

I've got 3 DC in 3 different schools at the moment and it's full on - and I am a SAHM so I'm not even trying to juggle work! That being said, as someone mentioned up thread it's nice for the kids and I'm sure people would complain if there was nothing going on.

YANBU at all!!!

I am a SAHM and I’m totally pissed of with it all too.

Honestly, my two kids come home with a new letter each day about various events and other shit…. school plays, summer fairs, school fun days, library challenges, classroom sessions for parents to attend, science challenges, day trips, sports day, school plays, meet the teachers, music assemblies, school discos, prize giving assemblies, day trips asking for parent volunteers, show and tell, class presentations, fancy dress days etc

I can’t keep track of anything!

And why can’t they spread these things out throughout the year instead of seeming to cram it all into the last month of term?!

And I hate the whole “You are invited to join us…..” in order to send out the message that it’s not compulsory….. we all know it’s not compulsory but to a lot of children it really matters if a parent is there or not.

It’s lovely that the school gives the children so many opportunities but it can be exhausting.

And like you said OP, not everyone has a SAHM and it’s pretty inconsiderate of the school to not take into account how families with two working parents can accommodate all of these events in such a short period of time and usually at very short notice too.

It really, really isn't child care. It's school. Education. Why should I be expected to care for your sick child, potentially catching whatever they've been sent in with, while you fanny about trying to get them collected? So entitled.

Then perhaps you should volunteer to set up and maintain that system.