Schools and their shit - a rant

[Icannoteven]

Aargh! Schools and their incessant shit!

I have two kids, one leaving infants school and one leaving juniors for comp and this month has just been back to back bullshit. I’ve had approximately 3 billion emails from each school about events which require parental participation in some form or attendance at school during the school working day.

Leavers disco, dress up days, tombola donations, leavers assembly, leavers performance, end of term trip - parent helpers needed, parents evening, fucking bake sales, welcome evening, welcome day, welcome afternoon tea, Father’s Day event, summer fayre, parent helpers for summer fayre, summer picnic, non-uniform day, sport day, information evening, chance to meet the send team and on and on and on. A separate email for each one.

Jesus Christ. Am I supposed to take the entirety of July off to deal with school admin and attend day-time events? It’s so relentless. Add medical appointments on top of all this shite and it’s amazing any parent manages to ever hold down a job.

Do schools not think about the burden on parents? Do they think everyone has a SAHM?

I think schools are thinking about the children and about offering them experiences that'll give them.their best memories of their time there. I don't think they necessarily think of those as inconveniences for parents. You can choose which ones to attend.

Emails? FTS.

Our kids used to come home with a printed calender of forthcoming items every couple of weeks. Far better!

We have this. It’s difficult, because I like that the school does so much for and with the kids, and I’d rather that than the alternative. And I do expect to contribute towards making stuff happen, and am very happy to if said events fall on days when I don’t work.

But there is a definite whiff of wifework sometimes (eg requirement for very exotic costume, virtually impossible to buy off the shelf, earlier this term - I’m willing to bet it was mostly the mums sitting up glueing and stitching stuff together rather than the dads).

And there’s a real expectation that a parent is generally available during the school day, perhaps working lightly from home but definitely available at the drop of a hat and able to be summoned. I don’t mean if a child is unwell, I have no problem with them expecting me to get there as fast as I’m reasonably able to. But things like meetings at short notice during the school day which require anyone who doesn’t work very locally to take a half day’s leave, afternoon meetings which end half an hour before pick up time, that sort of thing. I don’t expect the timings to be different as the staff are there when they’re there, but perhaps an acknowledgement that it might not be easy to facilitate at such short notice.

The worst week was the one we got 24 emails in 5 days. But the run up to Christmas and the end of the school year are bonkers. I could be at school three times a week if I chose.

I hear you 100%! I’m finding the combination of several primary school events (all mid week at 2pm) along with multiple high school transition day/evening/sports events far too much.

Sadly my mother never turned up to a thing when I was a child and still now feel the pain of no-one being there. I want to attend as much as possible, but can only accommodate so much. DH is an NHS clinician, so has very limited flexibility too.

Many teachers are parents themselves so can’t go to their own children’s events. Doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be offered. If you can’t be arsed then don’t go.

You could argue the school put so much on so you can chose which to attend rather than attend them all, this is pressure you are putting on yourself not the school on you. My kids know I can’t attend them all as I work. That’s life. Yes they get disappointed, but they learn that sometimes work has to come first because we need money to live. I don’t think that’s a bad life lesson for your children, and probably better than a pissed off martyr parent who turns up to everything livid and clearly doesn’t want to be there.

re life admin, just allocate one hour a week to go through all communications, eg I do it whilst my kids are at swimming. That’s it. Anything that comes up with less than a week’s notice, I miss it and that’s just life again, your own peace of mind is important too. Anything that pings up on your phone, just ignore till that hour you’ve allocated. Job done.

@dottymac the OP said that her DH IS listed as the priority first call. And yet they phone her. I had exactly the same when mine were primary. Ex-Dh wfh a few mins from school. He was marked as number 1 contact and yet every time they would call me. It’s the default to call the mother.

Yes, I know. It's a pain! I can't remember my parents having to do a lot of form filling and remembering to do this and that.

The good old PTA. There to raise funds for the school because the school doesn't have the funds, Trouble is, PTA's in trying to help by coming up with all these bake sales and fundraising events are causing a lot of the things that parents have to remember.

Re: calling mother first, my dh took all the forms to nursery to register my youngest. He was down as default contact I was secondary as I have signal issues and I tend to work during the day and he works at night. One rare occasion I was nightshift and he wasn't working I woke up to 10 missed calls from nursery and he had none! I cant even remember the issue it was nothing serious as I recall.

Another time when oldest was at nursery we told them we are nightshift keywords (during covid) and that we are asleep and may not answer phone very quickly. They phoned me 1 time and him 1 time then came to our door to go and get our daughter who was "extremely unwell" no she was going through a growth spurt and was tired.

Meant to add for the 2nd one we were nightshift that night so trying to get some sleep before going on shift as she was going to my mums for 2 nights while we worked. We then managed to split our shifts so someone was always available.

To add a different point. One friend is an office admin assistant. She always rings the mother first as the mother is less likely to be abusive and shout at her when she rings to say a child is unwell.

Excellent system.

I find it particularly odd since teaching is not a job that can just be dropped and immediately left. My mum was a teacher and couldn’t answer her phone in lessons. So if we were ill, they’d have to call the school, who’d get a message to her, someone would have to cover the lesson etc etc.
So of all workplaces to get annoyed that someone else can’t immediately drop work, I wouldn’t expect it from a school.

Obviously if someone is clearly pissing about and not collecting their child then that’s not acceptable.

Child's primary school USED to send out a newsletter at the start of the term with pretty much all the dates on. Parents Evening, church service, transition days, rehearsals, play; SATS, everything. It was so useful; put the dates into my calendar, see if I could swap shifts etc for plays.
School secretary retired and new headteacher came. Absolute shit storm.

I’m with op. Teachers do their job and I do mine. Get on with it and leave me alone

I understand how you feel about all the end of term events that ask for parental involvement. When my three children were at this stage I was a teacher and at that time it was unheard of for teachers to get time off to attend. I hope that schools are more flexible now but I doubt it.

I missed all sports days, assemblies and so on but their childminder would be there to cheer them on, she was local to the school and had a number of children she looked after before and after school. It was not the same but needs must, I was divorced and my ex was not very hands on

I do wonder how my children felt not seeing me in the crowd.

This seems like a huge amount for two kids.

My two are in y5 and y2 and this half term has the following going on:
Summer fete needing parent volunteers
School discos (also needing volunteers)
Ice cream sales
1 school trip
Sports day

For me this is quite basic school admin but there is always more that goes on in the summer term. It seems quite relaxed compared to the huge amount of things other people have going on. Maybe there’s loads more for y6 children…?

There has been some “for info” emails about cooking etc but hasn’t required any action from us.

I always volunteer for ice cream sales and the school fete but not for anything else. My two don’t go to the school discos anyway.

Some of the things you talk about aren’t seen as a burden by many parents. Welcome events are expected by parents and OFSTED because people generally like to know where they’re sending their children. If either of the schools you’re using have more than one welcome event, then they are trying to be as convenient as possible for parents. Leavers events are important to children and they don’t happen every year. It should be worth taking time off for.

Events that are about raising money isn’t done for the teacher’s benefit. They would rather not have to attend summer fetes and such like, but children enjoy them and it supports the educational provision your children receive, so for parents it’s really just parenting.

I think schools absolutely should give parents the opportunity to be involved whenever they can. I don't think it's expected that parents go to everything and I'm lucky to be able to myself (self-employed so able to juggle things).

As a PTA member, we are having to up our game. The school have no money, so trips and fun are now our job. Have you seen the price of a coach these days? We have to do a lot more to keep paying for the same things.

That's only part of it though, the best bit for me making a community of the school rather than a mere institution. In DDs primary, no child is by themselves when parents are there. They join in with their friends' families and that is lovely! Please try not to feel bad, it takes a village.

I've filmed races at sports day, phoned parents to talk to their kids after they won, cheered for kids like they were my own and meant it. They are amongst people who care for them whether you're there or not and it's good that they learn that.

I get it OP - my five year old had her first sports day a few weeks ago. Fine, apart from the email literally said events will be spread between 9.30 and 2pm so bring lunch to spend the day here. What working parent can bunk off all day because they can’t tell me what time DDs events are?! Cue upset child at pick up time as I couldn’t sit there all day.

No. I’m jealous. My DD missed every single leavers thing when year 6 ended at Easter due to Covid. No leavers assembly, no y6 trip, no leavers prom, no induction day, no visiting the new school at all- first day at secondary school was to come in and do a nasal swab and go home again. Then it was masks in class and corridors in term 1 and then they missed most of the rest of y7.
How I wish I could have been in school to watch my dd doing all the leavers stuff.

oh god absolutely this. Our school is full of performance mums who MUST have everything every year. They take it all seriously and honestly are the most sad load of status-obsessed insta-influencer idiots you ever saw. Really care about sports day. Go and watch fixtures (why??!) Crow on the parents whatsapp about which five a side football team of nine year olds won. Jesus. Obsessed with having the stall making the most money at the school summer fair. One of them CRIED when the leavers' hoodie was printed slightly wrong and we had to get another one. Oh no the precious memories ruined!!! Get a fucking grip! One got angry with me 2 years ago when I said I didn't want my kid to have hair extensions and a full face of makeup for the summer show. "But it's the THEATRE!!" No, there was no character reason for it, you just wanted all the girls to look made up with long hair in a shite glossy OTT way. I wanted my primary age child to sing a song in front of some mums and dads, with her own hair and face.

Basically taking these activities seriously is a huge sop to those adults who have no life. It is possible to do amazing experiences for the children without the parents being there. In the case of my school they are materialistic show off wankers too, which is really my problem, but the whole "taking it seriously" crap just gives me the utter ick.

Jesus Christ. Am I supposed to take the entirety of July off to deal with school admin and attend day-time events? It’s so relentless. Add medical appointments on top of all this shite and it’s amazing any parent manages to ever hold down a job.

Not everyone who has a FT job works 9-5 Monday to Fri. DH was a shift worker that worked weekends and nights, which meant he could attend sports days and school plays most of the time, and help out on the school residentials. Part of the huge reason he had that shift pattern was so he could be around during the week for school activities (and also reduce childcare costs). So in answer to your question, we both managed to hold full time jobs without depleting our AL balance.

Our school is really mindful of this, the head says she found it a nightmare with her own kids so keeps parental comms and events to a minimum. The kids do loads but it is mostly parent free. In contrast friends at a nearby school have same as you @Icannoteven. they had a 3 week settling in period, ours had 2 days. They have had monthly stay and plays, we have had 1 all year.

I took over a Prep School secretary role and found my predecessor was keen on sending multiple emails to parents willy nilly. I tried my best to send one email per week listing any events and what was required. Although, I did find myself sending multiple follow up emails chasing permission slips etc.

if only some parents had also limited themselves to one email per week!