Mum desperate to look after my new baby.

[Tacras]

Years ago I had an arrangement with my mum where she would look after my dog one day a month so I could go into the office. Dog walkers weren’t as common place as they are now, and certainly not in my area.

Then my brother had a baby, and my parents offered to look after grandchild once a week (and on the one day each month I needed for work. Grandchild trumps dog, fine, but it left me in the lurch, as it was done without warning or discussion.

anyway, water under the bridge. And I’ve got other support in place and whole thing is sorted. I’ve since told DM that I am pregnant and she is delighted. And wittering on about how much of course she will look after baby one day a week so I can go back to work.

Im just really pissed off. She has left me in the lurch with care before; I don’t know when I am planning on going back to work; it feels like she could’ve helped me out previously, but she likes this option better. I’d much rather plan reliable care for one thing. But it’s also the assumption that I’ll hand baby over one day a week without asking me what I would actually find useful or supportive.

I don’t think the dog sitting is an issue for you at all. You’re getting twitchy over this
perception that your mum “only wants the baby” and “baby time” and doesn’t care about you. Madness.

Shock horror: a granny wants "baby time" and " fun with the baby".

Great advice.

And when DB needs her help for his next child on the same days...what then? OP just magically finds a nursery place for the extra day a week?

who did you imagine was going to look after your lo

Accept the help. Allow your mother to be excited. Babies are more important than dogs!

Yabu. Babies trumps dogs. Stop being petty and drop the grudge, dogs can be left for the day a baby cant.

OP has said that she would be happy for her mum to look after her baby on an ad hoc basis if OP has a social occasion to attend because cancelling something like that at short notice, while annoying, wouldn't jeopardise her job. She feels that her mum is unreliable and it's more of a demand to look after OP's baby than an offer, so she can have alone time with the baby.

She’s making an offer, not holding a loaded gun to your head. You don’t have to accept.

If she WASN’T offering, doubtless you’d be on the Stately Homes thread complaining about how she threw your dog over for your brother’s baby, AND now wasn’t even offering to look after your baby.

By your own admission, she had a good reason for ending the arrangement re the dog. Yet it reads like you’ve been holding a grudge (no matter how much you deny it) since then and now”s the time to get your own back under the auspices of her supposed unreliability.

It takes a village to raise a child. You don't know how lucky you are. I have zero family help. Brought up my twins completely alone for 13 years

Me too...makes me feel awful. I wish I had help

A dog you can leave home alone or tie up to a tree whilst you pop to a shop. You can't do that with a baby. Completely ridiculous to compare them two.

I didnt compare the two! I explicitly said in my OP that i understood she would rather care for my nephew. My point is she has form on backing out of commitments which means i dont want to rely on her when it comes to work. I also haven’t actually decided what I am doing work wise yet, but she seems to be pushing for me to get back so she can have one on one baby time.

I also dont know what decade you’re living in, but if you tie a dog to a tree here whilst you pop to the shops you’ll end up on Facebook being named and shamed.

There is certain help I do want from my parents with regards to baby and they aren’t prepared to help or be depended on. I have asked for example if they will come in and feed and walk my dog whilst I am in the hospital, and they have refused- saying they want to be available to visit me. But my usual drop in care might not be available at short notice and I don’t want to worry about having to arrange something for her. So when I do actually feel a need for help they won’t step up.

How awful your mum is offering you support and free childcare.

They dont want to mind your dog because they want to visit you in the ward in case anything goes wrong🙄 Really weird that you think this is selfish of them.

Yeah but dogs are a bit sh*t to be honest, I wouldn't take them for a walk or let them out but I will bend over backwards to have my nephew overnight or rearrange all my plans to help with childcare. There is a big difference.

I want to be able to get on with pushing a baby out of my clacker without having to phone round and arrange for someone to stop in and feed my dog.

Your first baby? you may want some help for that clacker pushing instead of obsessing about your dog. You will certainly want help later.

My advice: don't antagonise what seem to be very helpful parents. You will need them.

Course you can choose to ignore that and do as you please.

What's wrong with nanny wanting baby time fgs? Isn't mum allowed to prefer spending time with a baby to spending time with a dog? Isn't she allowed a preference in how she shows her support?

You're holding a grudge about a dog?

She hasn’t shown me any support for three years. The one thing I have said I will actually find helpful she won’t do.

Instead she is gunning to be first at the hospital for cuddles, “We would rather not be care for Doggy as MIL might make it to the hospital before us” tinkling laugh….and pushing for me to go back to work so she can have one on one time.

Your mum sounds fucking great but you clearly hate her for some obscure reason. So go NC.

What support did you want? You are an adult.
Mad thread.

But a baby is infinitely more exciting and important than a dog? I just can't get my head round why you're so bitter about your mum offering help.

Maybe she's not a dog person?

So many women don't have mothers, or disinterested mothers, and you have one here desperate to get to know your baby.

I’m going to leave this thread now. I’m pretty sure I am right. They are not to be relied upon. They have left me in the lurch before. I know this is a favour they would rather do, but I don’t really want to depend on people who have dropped responsibilities and commitments before when something better comes along.

Of course they will get plenty of grandparent time, and I am in no way holding a grudge or doing this to punish them. I just want to rely on people who want to support me, rather than doing the fun stuff they fancy.

Nothing wrong with that comment? Everyone wants to be first to see the baby, my mother-in-law and grandmother in law both pushed the pram at the same time as they both wanted to be first. The novelty soon wears off.

I second this. You clearly have something else going against your mum. If my mum didn't want to look after my dog (which she doesn't!!!), I'd just pay for help?