I think I hate being a Mum :-(

[CompletelyFrazzled]

I don’t work Fridays and I’m dreading the next three days when DC aged five and two will both be at home (apart from school tomorrow for the eldest). The screaming, the mess, the tantrums, the chaos, the constant go-go-go. I can’t even blame an absent DH - he’s here, he’s 50-50, I couldn’t ask for more from him. And yet here I am, praying for Monday morning when I can go back to work and things are calm and peaceful. The irony is, I have quite a stressful job and I still find it easier than being with the kids.

I love my children but honestly I’m wishing the months and years away until they’re both a bit older and life feels a bit calmer.

Tell me I’m not the only person feeling like this :-(

I get you!! I felt a bit like this.
But try a little of ‘ mind over matter’ …. Embrace the mayhem. They’re not little for long. Love them for who they are. It’s their personalities developing
Good luck

Yes, I remember these days so well. I didn’t work my when children were small so I was constantly running after them 24/7 all
my friends said they envied me so much being able to be a sahm but the truth is I didn’t really enough the early years of chaos. I wanted to be able to go up the town and have a look in shops without 2 young kids squealing the place down.

however they are both teenagers now and I can’t believe how fast the years have passed. You will be grand op xxx

Get them outside as much as possible

Take them out to a park. Bake some biscuits with them. Take them to the library and get them looking at the books.

And the dinner will cook itself, the bathtime will happen by itself and all this after a full day at work. Sometimes I wonder about this place. Not everyone is twiddling their thumbs with oodles of time. Op I get you. I have a 2yo and wishing time away too. I loathe the early years.

+1 on Get them out. Make some sandwiches and a bit of fruit / crisps / a little biscuit and off you go..

Our "formula" is morning activity outing lunch out then back home for nap by 12.30 - 1.30. Little one has a nap and big one watches a Disney movie or similar maybe plays woth magna tiles... while i veg on the coach and do some washing if I'm feeling wild.
That takes us to about 3.30 /4

Then some drawing or farting about in garden or whatever while I dump something into the instant pot or airfrier
Then bath and bed

I get them outside. I do activities with them. We go places and do things. Of course we do. I do everything I’m supposed to but that doesn’t mean I don’t hate it.

all this after a full day at work.

The op does not work on Fridays.
I assume this is advice for Fridays.

Thank you to the people who recognised a cry for solidarity - it’s a relief to know I’m not the only one feeling like this!

And I 💯feel like this sometimes....

Its hard. Almost every single thing about being a mother is harder than I was warned it would be.

The way i cope is hacks and systems that make it easier for me

Oh god this is me all over. I love my kids but I’m an introvert and love my own company. I enjoy order, peace and relaxation - none of which I get now with three primary age kids.

My busy and responsible job is also my haven OP. You’re not alone!

I did find this stage very tiring - I remember a patch when I was getting home, picking up youngest from nursery, oldest from childminder or after-school club and although both these places were close to home, the round trip from getting back to the nearest tube station to home was somehow about 40 minutes. I spent a few months feeling weirdly furious about this (kept it in in front of the kids, of course) but then somehow it passed and I accepted it.

I have the same age gap (teenagers now) - you only have a few more years of this. You can potentially teach your eldest to get some juice or to spread something on bread now, and that's part of the strain off (the constant drink/snack requests really wore on me at that age).

I did find that getting them out of the house was often less strenuous than being at home somehow. Maybe because they're not making a mess at home!

My children are older now but I did used to get overwhelmed- it’s completely normal to feel like this sometimes.
Every now and then I used a day of annual leave and didn’t tell anyone so that I could just have a day of peace to myself. Did me the world of good.

This! When mine were 5 and 2 we spent every morning outside on the playground or softplay. Sometimes met up mum friends, Sometimes just met other mums to chat with. It's nice to be outside and it's so much easier to have them inside once they have been running around burning off some energy.
I also found it useful to start an activity with them: drawing, lego (big ones), playmobil 123, play dooh and when they were all occupied I withdrew to get on with chores.

It’s a crap age, I would rather have 10 newborns than a toddler 😂. Little psychopaths

Oof, 5 and 2 is a tough stage. Be kind to yourself, OP. It will get easier.

Mine are older now and they're terrific company most of the time. They entertain themselves for significant periods of time, days out and going out to eat with them are a pleasure rather than a tantrum filled stress-fest, they help with jobs around the house. My eldest has just brought me a cup of tea without me even asking. They have their moments, don't get me wrong, but life is infinitely easier and more fun than the relentless toddler stage. Hang in there.

People giving you advice are so annoying. As if you're some kind of bone idle idiot who doesn't get out with your kids and play with them. Come on. These years are bloody hard and it's exhausting. I find my stressful job easier too. I get so over stimulated at home. Solidarity

Hi OP. HARD relate to what you’re saying. I often start drafting a MN post in my head along the lines of ‘is it normal to cry every day/ can’t cope / how do I do this’ but I usually end up talking myself down and remembering that it will pass 😄. Mine are 1 and 3 and honestly it is mind bogglingly relentless, I have NOTHING left at the end of EVERY day, and it’s all just normal toddler stuff, and I also have a very present DH like you.

I only work two days a week and it feels like a holiday when those days come around. I had to wear earplugs during bath and bedtime as I was so overstimulated by the shouting 😂

I don’t know what to say except I hear you.

I think what I hated was that it was relentless, but boring.
Work was relentless, but full on and interesting. Then I'd get home and or would be a different full on.
Then weekends would start at 6 a.m. and off we'd go again.
It was worse in the holidays, because there would be no other adult. I used mn a lot. Too much. I could also have banal conversations with the dc, while my mind was elsewhere.

Getting out is the best way goes so much quicker and is easier

Okay, they’re in bed, so my nerves are slightly less frazzled. Honestly I appreciate the solidarity and “I hear you!”s so much. I feel like such a failure and I’m disappointed in myself, so it makes me feel a bit better to know that I’m not the only one who struggles with all this.

I’m also relieved to hear that it does get easier. I thought it would; part of the stress is around the youngest being a little danger-seeking missile so I’m constantly on high-alert. It definitely eased with the older one.

Thank you! And I hope we all get some respite over the weekend . . . somehow!

Do you know what helped me with this feeling? I swapped my day off work to a Wednesday. Game changer. I find three days in a row with the kids too much (even with DH around at weekends!).

Could you try that?

Get a 6th former in!
I had a lovely 17 year old come in on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. They arrived as I got in, helped with organising bath time, read. Played with one, while I dealt with the others! Even made me a cup of tea!!
cleared the toys and bath stuff, and was basically extra pair of hands when I needed them most. Even helped with bedtime stories. They were there for an hr and a half each time, invaluable!
The kids absolutely loved her!

I hear you OP, I have a 2yo at the screaming/tantrum/all day whingeing stage

between that and FT work where I also look after a team as well as having my own job, I’m absolutely exhausted and done with people 🤣

Having said that, DC is a joy, it’s just the stage she is at atm so I have made peace with the chaos, plus we spend most of the weekends out of the house, which really does help. Like PP, I also take the odd day of annual leave so I can spend some time alone and recover!

It does get better. You are right in the thick of it with children aged 2 and 5 - the 'critical point' as Teacher Tom would say.

Just stick out the next 3 years and things will start to get more chill.