I think I hate being a Mum :-(

[CompletelyFrazzled]

I don’t work Fridays and I’m dreading the next three days when DC aged five and two will both be at home (apart from school tomorrow for the eldest). The screaming, the mess, the tantrums, the chaos, the constant go-go-go. I can’t even blame an absent DH - he’s here, he’s 50-50, I couldn’t ask for more from him. And yet here I am, praying for Monday morning when I can go back to work and things are calm and peaceful. The irony is, I have quite a stressful job and I still find it easier than being with the kids.

I love my children but honestly I’m wishing the months and years away until they’re both a bit older and life feels a bit calmer.

Tell me I’m not the only person feeling like this :-(

These are things kids enjoy. It's not about what you find riveting...

I feel you so much OP. I love my kids but I sometimes think I wouldn’t have had them if I had known how hard it would be. Then other times I feel like I’m doing a good job and they are doing well. It seems like riding a wave rather than being on an upwards trajectory.

I feel guilty for everything all of the time, and I wish I could put that in a box. My husband doesn’t seem to feel the same, he just rolls along with it all.

someone up thread suggested swapping your day off for a midweek day. I think that’s a brilliant suggestion, if it’s possible. Now my eldest is 8 it is a little easier as he is so good at chatting, understanding reasons, and is generally fun to be around. My younger child is very difficult and not great at regulating his emotions so lots of tantrums. But I’m hoping, looking at my 8yr old, that this too shall pass.

sending hope to you.

Toddlers are exhausting, especially if you've got a little danger loving daredevil you can't take your eyes off!

Yes!!! I turn around, DD1 is on top of a table within 15 seconds. She can go up and down stairs now so she doesn’t stay where I put her, fights naps as if she thinks she is going to miss something. Loves throwing things and taking things out. Her name is said countless times followed by ‘no’ by all but sen DS1 who runs away and hides from her. She’s a happy chatty, giggling tot but bloody heck, I wish I had her first then last. Would be much easier to get homework done without her trying to eat DS2’s homework and reading book because she’s teething. Imagine explaining that to a teacher. 😂

I really struggled when my kids were that age. They’re just so needy, you have to be “on” all the time, it’s exhausting. Once they become more independent and able to entertain themselves it gets easier I promise.

I could only bear it because I did it with friends. Make friends with similar aged kids. Let the kids run wild in parks/beaches/forests/ gardens/museums while you hang out with friends. It's the only way it's fun.

None of mine have ever enjoyed craft or bloody baking TBH. I think my DS may have been the only child to never come out of nursery with a painting, model or other creation and he was there pretty much full time for. over 4 years.

But the point is if someone is struggling with parenthood then suggesting doing stuff they'd hate is not going to help matters is it. ? More likely to make them feel more " relegated" to having to resort to kids stuff

Who said they'd hate it? These are typically things children enjoy which keeps them busy. It was good suggestion. I have a background in early years ...

The parents may hate it. The thread is about someone not enjoying motherhood so doubt they'd enjoy doing bloody crafts and baking with toddlers.

Ok so if you have a background in early years and kids like this stuff so much then please tell me why in years ( at least 12 ) of my kids being in nursery I had the grand total of Two paintings. No cereal box models etc. with all of the kids the staff were telling me they wouldn't partake in doing this stuff . I see the other kids come out of nursery daily with piles of stuff they had made

And it wasn't the nursery as they were at 3 different nurseries. So obviously my kids didn't enjoy this stuff. Others won't either

So I'm not the only one who drafts MN posts in my head 😀

Small children are bloody hard work - they’re noisy, needy, intense and require pretty much constant attention or supervision. It’s perfectly okay to find it difficult - I personally couldn’t imagine anything worse 🫣

Ignore the posts about baking, crafts and getting outside - the last thing you want when you’re struggling is to have someone pop up with lots of nice wholesome activities to try - like you’ve not thought of it all already 🤣

But it is about the parents too - you don’t have to spend your days doing activities that make you want to slam your head into a wall just because you have a kid.

I completely get it. Some weekends I wish away and feel guilty for that.
Do you get any of your own time? I recently started exercise classes (ones I enjoy oppose to go to because I think I have to lol) and walking. Its had a big impact on that feeling of wishing the weekends away.

In my experience the old saying “the days are long but the years are short” rings really true when it comes to young children. It can feel like such hard going but then you blink and your baby is 18 and heading to university. I know it sounds twee but really do try to look up and enjoy these days. They go so fast. Don’t waste them on wishing to be at work with people who need you far less than your children do.

Have you tried speaking to a GP or anyone about this? I don’t know if there’s a time limit on PND but it sort of sounds a bit like that? It could be worth speaking to a professional to see if they can recommend anything?

Oh OP I really relate as well! Mine are now almost 21 and 17 and I look at photos when they were small and cute and I had my evenings at least with so much nostalgia. In the moment I was frazzled. Severe PND/PTSD after my first and the ONE sympathetic medical professional I saw said "it's perfectly possible to love your baby but hate your life". That has stuck with me for two decades and is so true.

If you can possibly get a 6th former in for cheap help, it could make a world of difference. Carving out any time off work at all for yourself, however rare, also helps. It's great that your dh is helpful. It definitely gets easier - once both were at primary school, that was my golden age. You are by no means alone!!

It's hard. Since you have a supportive partner what you need is an excuse for a quick break everyday. Why not take up running, a perfect excuse to leave them with dad for an hour. And with the couch to 5 k you have to walk most of the time :-) I usually end up walking and taking pics of wild flowers!

I felt the same when my kids were that age. Now that they're teenagers, I get intensely nostalgic for those days - I really, genuinely miss them! It makes no sense and I have no idea why I feel that way.

Anyway, you're doing a very hard job and you're tired. You need a break. Is there any way to get some down time?

The best way to reset is to give yourself a chance to really miss your kids. That reminds you that you actually love the little monsters.

OP I’ve been a lone parent since DD was 1. I worked full time since she was 4 months old. I totally hear you. The early years are really tough, I was relieved to go back to work every Monday. Things get so much easier and fun as they get older.

If you can afford it, book a Scott Dunn holiday, they have the best kids clubs and Toddler care going. My DD loved it and I got some downtime/respite that was so badly needed for a few years until she was old enough to chill in the shade with me.

Also as they get older Stagecoach on a Saturday and the tennis coaching camps in half terms etc

Solidarity! ❤️

I think it's normal. Kids are very different at different stages and people enjoy the stages varying amounts. Even if you do enjoy it, small children absolutely can be a slog. But they will change! And someday you may well look back and miss something about now. Doesn't mean it's still not reasonable to find it hard!

3 toddlers and a teen and I love it, we do lots of things and currently not working so 7 days a week but I know it's not for everyone. Each has a preferred age they enjoy with there kids

I hear you 4&6. On a weekend its hyperactivity and jumping on things whilst making a mess. I get things like the food shop delivered whilst they are in bed and as much as possible housework done on my day off. Then the weekend we try and stay out as much as possible. Such as swimming, bike rides, walks etc. I find if they are worn out a little it's not too over stimulating back in the house. My eldest can now read so I try and in the calmer moments try and direct them to quiet time in their rooms. The eldest will try and read and the youngest will play with his toys. This is only because they are getting old enough to do so absolutely no chance even just six months ago. It does get better slightly the older they get I'm finding.

I hear you. I come to work for a rest too... I'm a secondary school teacher.

It's a phase of time. It will pass, in the mean time. Maintain standards. Hold the line

Tough ages.
It does get easier, and it comes quicker than you think. Breathe and enjoy while they’re sleeping too! xx 😂

Wow . . . so many responses - sorry, I’ve been on-the-go all day.

I’m so relieved to hear that things improve - and I think I might be a better mum to older children; it’s possibly the mind-numbing nature of a lot of the things young kids like to do.

”You can love your children but still hate your life” - now THAT resonates!

I assume the pp means do this on the 3 days op isn't working, as that is what the first post was refering to?

It's also possible for 2 adults to sort tea and bath with a bit of outdoor time fitted in, even after work if it is something that does help overall. It's something me and DH regularly do for our 5 year old who is autistic.

If you have kids you need to, you know, do stuff with them. It's tiring but it's part of that life phase.