Open door for someone on crutches.

[WasherWoman25]

If you were sat in a waiting room (doctors surgery if relevant) and saw someone on crutches trying to get through a door, assuming no disability / injury yourself, would you stand up and open / hold the door for them?

If not, why not?

YABU - No I wouldn’t
YANBU - Yes, of course I would.

I’m on crutches at the middle, badly sprained ankle and knee. I went to the doctors today and had to go in the upstairs waiting room, which has a closed glass door. I through the door (in and out) four times in then end (went the wrong way once called to the nurses room). Each time there was a different person sat in the chair nearest the door, not one offered to help me, all just watched me try and keep the door open with one crutch and try and move. Now I don’t know that any of them didn’t have their own ailments going on, but all stood and walked independently when their name was called so unlikely they all did. If it was me, I’d have grabbed the door for anyone struggling coming through (wheelchair, pushchair, crutches etc).

ok thanks,

There were several quite... vehement pp on the last page.

I will ignore everyone in future. Until they ask.

And from what i have read here, most people won't bother - but that's not my problem, right?

Me either.

Imagine if we lived in a world where everyone saw it as their job to make things easier for those around us when we can? Wouldn't it just be nice?

Not got a value what you are talking about. Are they relevant to this thread?

Yes, I feel quite grubby at the minute, so I'm going to refrain from any further involvement.

ETA: sorry Brefugee, meant to quote @OneFineDay13

Or even @oneTidyRaven apologies @Brefugee And @OneFineDay13

I have read your post.

tbh take what i last wrote with a massive pinch of salt.

I will continue to ask people if i think they are struggling, and if they find that patronising? i suspect it won't be as many who say something like "yes, if you could hold that door/bag/dog lead for me" and we all go on our merry way. If someone does feel patronised? they can feel free to tell me so.

But then, i smile at people, i say good morning/afternoon/evening and thank you to bus drivers and i am not a complete idiot.

I get that you are being nice but do you not get that it can be quite demolising when people decide that a disabled person is incapable of doing something and insist on helping? Why do you feel you know what they need better than they do. I'm not talking about opening doors but I really don't want strangers holding my stuff or taking the dog lead etc.

I always hold doors and open doors for people who might struggle (pushchairs etc), I even offered to help a woman lift the front of a wheelchair when she was struggling to get it up a curb (she rudely told me to f off she was perfectly capable of pushing her mother around... despite the fact that she had tried several times to get up the curb and was clearly struggling). However I have been holding a toddler with a broken leg in an aeroplane queue and physically pushed to one side so people could get their seats.... people are selfish a-holes, I try to be the change.

Of course you open the door. You do that for anyone who might find it harder whether that is pushing a pram, using crutches or carrying shopping.

I get that and feel free, should i make the mistake of asking you if you need help, of telling me to f-off

but it is clear from this thread that other people think differently.

But what is it you think i do? use a baby voice and very short words to say "oh my dear, are you sure you can manage, do you want help" or do you think i just prop open a door and push people through?

Other people on this thread have clearly said they appreciate help, heck i am able-bodied and fit and i am always pleased if someone holds open a door for me, or opens it for me if i have my hands full. I'm also a raging feminist - should i just shut it and open it myself to prove a point? of course not

Our society is going to hell in a handcart, a bit of interaction and politeness will go a long way.

Having reached a certain age people have started to offer help, my butcher offered to carry my shopping to the car, and the dentist receptionist asked if I could manage the steps! I am perfectly fit, just getting unavoidably older, it feels really odd to suddenly get singled out for help. But nice.

I think (hope) people are talking at cross purposes.

I think everybody agrees holding a door open for someone is fine and you don't need to ask first.

But you need to ask before touching someone or their property.

Am I wrong?

As I said, opening doors is fine regardless of disability. Touching people's stuff (or them) is not fine and the fact that you have looked st them and decided they need help even though they didn't ask for it doesn't make it fine. It's intrusive and if you are doing it because they are disabled also patronizing.

I agree.

I would have opened the door for you, in the same way I would for someone pushing a pram, carrying lots of things or a big heavy thing, someone elderly or someone obviously frail or using a walking aid. I have reached things off shelves for people in wheelchairs when out shopping, if I see them struggling to reach. A couple of seconds of my time, doesn't mean I view them differently to anyone else, Ive had to enlist the help of a taller person to get something off a high shelf and that is at the back, quite a few times.

I think part of the issue for long term disability is the way some people go about “helping”

There’s a very performative way of “helping” that’s wildly unwelcome and patronising - which I personally loathe, and makes me seethe.

vs the real and welcome sort of help where someone just quietly notices where assistance would be non intrusive, makes eye contact to check in before acting, then quietly does the helpful thing without making a big attention-grabbing fuss about it.

This thread has taught me just do nothing. Good samaritans can't win. Assessing a situation, making eye contact before you offer help and appearing patronising? Simply don't bother.

Probably for the best.

“Help” that is unwelcome and conditional on copious passive and uncomplaining gratitude is usually more harmful than helpful.

Opening doors is always polite regardless of disability. However, I think that most disabled people would prefer not to be assessed. If they want help they will ask.

I think a pp had it right when she said there will come a time when some are genuinely in need of help and nobody will be there. Perhaps everyone should just walk round with their eyes shut, in order not to offend.

I ALWAYS help people in situations like this! Why wouldn't you?