Open door for someone on crutches.

[WasherWoman25]

If you were sat in a waiting room (doctors surgery if relevant) and saw someone on crutches trying to get through a door, assuming no disability / injury yourself, would you stand up and open / hold the door for them?

If not, why not?

YABU - No I wouldn’t
YANBU - Yes, of course I would.

I’m on crutches at the middle, badly sprained ankle and knee. I went to the doctors today and had to go in the upstairs waiting room, which has a closed glass door. I through the door (in and out) four times in then end (went the wrong way once called to the nurses room). Each time there was a different person sat in the chair nearest the door, not one offered to help me, all just watched me try and keep the door open with one crutch and try and move. Now I don’t know that any of them didn’t have their own ailments going on, but all stood and walked independently when their name was called so unlikely they all did. If it was me, I’d have grabbed the door for anyone struggling coming through (wheelchair, pushchair, crutches etc).

I'm not surprised; earlier this year I was accompanying DS to a hospital appointment and there were manual double fire doors in the corridor.

DS wondered why I suddenly sprinted off 15m ahead of him. There was a large, clunky wheelchair ahead, and despite being pushed by another person, it was clearly going to be awkward for them to get through it as the door pivots in one direction and pushing straight ahead is another and there was little spare width for them to be pushed out of alignment.

They were thankful for the intervention.

I've used crutches previously and pulling on doors was logistically awkward for controlling the crutches and weight distribution.

My most withering sarcasti-thank was to the man who let the door shut on me when I was heavily pregnant, limping (ended up on crutches very soon after) with a toddler on one hip and a swimming bag on the other. I was clearly struggling with hands literally full. Pulling on fire doors disturbed my pelvic pain.
He was just totally oblivious to his surroundings.

Good point to be fair. The doors to the reception and both the corridors at the top and bottom of the lift had the buttons to open the doors. The was in a small waiting room on the second floor that didn’t and was a heavy glass door.

Yes, if you are long term disabled people asking you if you need help can be quite demolising. While opening doors is usually helpful, generally I prefer to be left alone. If I wanted help I would ask.

I smile and say thankyou. Life's too short to educate people.

I also open the door for other people who may or may not be capable. It's just good manners.

I think there is a big difference between opening doors (always polite imo) and for example some one asking if you need help getting to the toilet (very patronizing and demoralising)

I don’t need abled body people to open doors for me when im capable of doing it myself, even if people think they know better and can’t see past my disability. Good manners means not assuming. Surely, everyone knows that?

The whole “you never know what they’re going” line is always trotted out on here to justify all sorts of rude and inconsiderate behaviour.

Doesn’t help someone on crutches? “you have no idea what’s going on in their own life.”

the 99%. who wouldn’t give up a seat on public transport? “You don’t know what’s going on for them, they must have an invisible disability.”

Someone screams at you in a shop? “you don’t know what’s happening in their own life.”

It’s tedious and is used to justify rudeness and inconsiderate behaviour on every level.

Of course there are people going through stuff. But not the majority of the population. Most of them are just selfish.

As for the poster who said “if I want help I’ll ask,” and who is almost bitter at being offered help, it’s that kind of attitude which leads to people not being offered help. Because people feel it will be thrown back in their face.

If someone tries to help then “no thank you” will suffice. But the person you need help from tomorrow probably won’t bother if you give them that attitude today.

I have a different disability and this whole sense of “how dare the public want to help” infuriates me. There are people within my own community who are like that, and who come across almost as professional victims, veering between how nasty the public are for not helping when they want, and daring to offer help when they don’t. You’re not doing the disabled any favours.

There is of course a section of society who absolutely are infuriating, such as the people who assume where I’m going and try to drag me across roads or into shops I didn’t intend to visit. Or the people who try to feed my guide dog or get arsy that they can’t stroke him while he’s working. But for the most part the public are lovely, and only want to help not to intrude.

I suppose it is the bystander effect; and maybe, whenever people are in doctors premises, the old instincts of fear of covid and “social distancing” (the biggest oxymoron in history) kick in. Nobody can get close enough to help anybody at any cost because it kills grannies, innit.

Even before that, in MN contrary fashion, I don’t mind betting that there have been MN threads “AIBU not to want help when I’m on crutches”.

Apparently the voices of what disabled people would prefer doesnt matter… as long as the abled body person feels they are helping, apparently all that matters as it’s good manners 🙄

👏 👏

Yep, same as I would if someone was carrying something that made it awkward for them to open the door, or pushing a buggy or whatever. I'm a nice enough person when the effort involved is minimal and doesn't cost me anything.

What is the point of having a poll if people complain about the options people pick?

I’m disabled and will always stand by if I need help I will ask for it. I’m far from a professional victim when I’m don’t seek help or look around and expect it. You don’t speak for all disabled people.

This. I dislike people assuming I can't do something because of the wheelchair, and I wouldn't assume anything about others for that reason.

I'm long term disabled and find it demoralising that people ignore me and don't do small things that would make my life so much easier, like opening a door when both my hands are holding crutches.

When I'm able I offer help to other disabled people or anyone who looks like they need it (e.g. holding bags full of shopping). Tbh if someone gets offended I'm okay with it.

👏

Absolutely, of course I'd open the door, or at the very least, offer to do so. If it turns out that the person doesn't need my help, or would rather I didn't, then so be it, no harm done. But I couldn't sit and watch someone struggle. 👍

When I was on crutches I genuinely had someone clock me slowly going to the only open table and point it out to someone so they could get there first. Luckily due to the crowd I got their first but was shocked at the sheer cuntiness of it. People rarely helped me or offered seats either. When I was pregnant and no one offered people always said they didn't realize/didn't want to assume anyone was pregnant.. but I am guessing they saw the crutches.

I'd always go out of my to help someone who was struggling. It's a bit depressing.

I also had a medical emergency with Dc as a baby once and was literally shouting for help to a restaurant full of people who couldn't have looked less interested. You really do need to choose a person and ask them directly. The bystander effect is real ime.

My arms are weaker than my legs. I also get ill quite swiftly if I have to stand up /sit down several times in succession.

I am sure you are right and not all those people had hidden disabilities and some were just selfish (or lost in their own thoughts/worries)

But yabu to assume that if someone can walk a short distance without difficulty that they aren't disabled.

A lot of abled body people don’t think like this though, which in itself is another form of ableism. Quite frankly I’m sick of talking about it. My legs might not work but my hands and voice sure do.

Yes, quite.

Crutches are very different to a wheelchair though, and a significant portion of the population have used crutches and know they're a fucking nightmare to navigate. And not only that but the vast majority of people you see on crutches are NOT disabled but currently dealing with a recent injury. It's in no way patronizing the disabled to assume someone might struggle with the door on crutches, I'm pretty much assuming you're not disabled when I get up to open the door.

I am remembering that for the better part of 6 months I was just trying to keep upright and not fall on ice or cry while attempting to cook dinner.

You may be disabled but you don’t talk for me or other posters that agree with me. You might feel demoralised but I certainly don’t. I feel empowered that I can do things for myself. Are you asking for help or just looking around expecting it? Because there’s a huge difference in people not noticing you or people ignoring you when you’ve asked for help. It’s also no one’s job to make your life easier, yes it can be helpful but no one is under any obligation to do so, hence the reason for this post.

If there is anyone with vision impairment who is happy to share when they'd like someone to offer help (if ever) that is something I'm interested in. I have offered to help two or three occasions before because a situation looked dicey but I really felt like I was being intrusive (though the person accepted help). It's difficult to know what's dangerous or what just feels dangerous for a sighted person.