Family feud

[OneQuickPeachCat]

By way of background, I (55F) have a DS (58) and DB (59). I live with my husband mortgage free and our two adult sons have moved out. Our DS also lives mortgage free and her adult daughters have left the nest. DS and I live comfortably with our respective husbands.

Our DB has been living with our mother for the past 20 years, since his divorce, in the family home we have had for over 50 years. He pays the bills and is in the house with our mother every evening which is naturally a relief for us as she is approaching 80 and is showing significant signs of dementia. We have organised a carer to come in 3 times a day to feed her but I think she probably needs to go into a home 24/7. Due to some historic family issues (family business, threat of bankruptcy etc) the house is in my name. This means that technically our mum will not have to pay to go into the home as she has no assets. There will be a shortfall of £300 a month and any additional expenses (between the 3 of us adult children).

Once my mother is in the home permanently, I would like to organise the sale of the family home, so that there is some money in an account for our mother to cover this additional £300 a month and the additional expenses described above (glasses, clothes etc). The rest will be divided equally into 3 parts.

This will mean that DB will have to leave the house and find somewhere to rent. His portion of the money will not be enough to buy somewhere new and he has some debts he will need to clear first in any event before he can take out a mortgage.

I feel that once our mother is in a home, it is pointless keeping hold of the family home, just because my DB lives there. He can clear his debt and rent a small flat somewhere with relative ease. I guess I am somewhat resentful that he lives there for not a great amount of money whilst I have spent years paying off my mortgage.

Our parents never left a will and our DS is indifferent. Our mother is at a point where she lacks capacity to make a decision. No LPA in place.

DB is very upset at the prospect of the house being sold and that he will need to find somewhere to rent for the rest of his life. He works full time and is not entitled to any benefits. A mortgage at nearly 60 would be near impossible for him to obtain. He has asked if he can stay in the house for a few more years.

the question is…AIBU in selling the house, evicting my brother and giving him a share equal to mine and our DS, notwithstanding that we have very different financial circumstances?

Your brother was able to buy a house for his son. You and Sister already own properties. Care home costs aside, it sounds like it is the cousins who may be losing out, if your brother stays on in the house? You all will need to discuss options. Not realistic of him to live there rent free till he passes, so what can he propose? Default surely is sell to pay for care, and split the remainder three ways when the time comes (as you suggested)

You and your sister have been fortunate to stay married and pay off the mortgage. Your brother seems to have gone through hardship. He was there for your mum and gave you and your sister relief (financial and peace of mind) so you didn’t have to employ a carer at night. Have some heart and postpone the sell as he asked to guve him a chance to find a solution. I am really shocked by your thinking and how quickly you want to sell your family home and quick your brother to the kerb!

OP if I were in your position, my bigger concern would be if the local authority will view the transfer of the house in to your name as a deliberate deprivation of assets. Whilst I know you’ve stated it was done for other reasons and not to avoid paying care home fees, it’s likely the LA would still view it in the same light unless you can provide full evidence that since the transfer, your mother has been paying you monthly rent at full market value. Unfortunately if it was as easy as just transferring a property into someone else’s name whilst continuing to live there and benefit from it then everyone would be doing it! Councils are very through with their financial investigations these days and will look back at all previously owned assets. So unless you have been receiving rent since the transfer, I would unfortunately say you won’t get away with the house not being included in the assessment and you could be forced to sell it anyway.

Oh dear @OneQuickPeachCat. Giving away all the equity from his divorce when he has debts and no savings wasn’t a wise decision. I know that we all want to help our children, but leaving ourselves broke doesn’t help in the long run. What a mess.

Op and her DS want DN out on his ear because he wasn't paying a mortgage like OP. (He was just a carer to their DM).
Greed is an awful thing op. As PP have said, what would your DM want. Your DB should invoke squatters rights.

@Neversayyesagain The OP’s update helps to explain their frustration with him though. While they planned for their futures, he gave away a lump sum that would’ve significantly increased over 20 years.

I do think that they should reach a compromise, but him not being able to afford his own place is probably because he gave his money away!

It's the OPs house because the OP was savvy enough to step in when the house needed to change ownership. Op should probably walk a mile in her DBs shoes and see what it's like to be a night carer for her DM.

Not quite the same scenario as OP but similar. My brother moved abroad, didn't want to sell his house and my mother moved in. She paid all the bills and maintenance. Years passed, brother married, acrimonious divorce where his ex tried to take 50% of the house he'd bought years before they married. I can't remember what it was called but we got a barrister and basically my mother was allowed to stay in the house, it couldn't be sold in her lifetime without her consent and the house could not be included in the divorce settlement.

Maybe the brother has similar rights, op said he'd paid all bills but I don't know about maintenance. Has he cut the grass, fixed a tap, done any decorating. Maybe he needs a barrister.

I wonder what the capital gains position will be. If the OP got the house free then surely there is going to be a big bill when they look at the gain she'd made.

It is all very complicated and I definitely think all three of them need legal advice. What's that saying about tangled webs we weave?

This is a very tricky issue and you need to get advice from someone who deals with property, trust and estates law.

The transfer to you - if your parents were evading debts then I have no idea of the legality of this, but if you are just holding the legal title but not the beneficial ownership then you cannot simply take and distribute her money whilst she is still alive. She will have a trust of sorts over the money held and that will be available for care.

If they gifted you the house then you have a world of pain as the gain since this date will be taxable and there is no one to claim principal private residence relief from this.

The money is your mums though? Morally? Surely someone should ask her what she wants to do.

Regarding your brother - if your mum was 60 odd when he moved in and she’s just getting dementia I’d imagine she’s been caring for him for 20 years and not the other way around. Man, I hate grifters.

You need legal advice. Your DB is a sitting tenant.

@Funnyduck60 That was my question upthread. Is a family member who’s never had a tenancy agreement and has never paid rent considered a tenant? I have no idea,

If she’s got dementia it may not be up to her. My friend has just had to put her dad in a home against his will as doctors refused to release him from hospital unless it was to go into a home.