Living with a unique name that is mispronounced.

[AliPG]

I've spent my whole life recorrecting people who mispronounce my name. Its 3 letters long but the 1st letter is often said wrong. The spelling makes it appear a certain way which i get why it would be pronounced wrong. At school it wasn't too bad apart from one teacher who got my name wrong every art lesson. This really annoyed me after a while and even annoyed the rest of the class. Called the register every week but stumbled every time. No other teacher did that. Same teacher pronounced my polish friends surname wrong everytime. I would rather however have a forename that can be pronounced easier.

I dread starting a new employer or hearing my name read out in public settings. When people actually get my name right without asking I'm almost surprised.

At my last job my name was pronounced correctly at interview and throughout my role, bar a couple of people I had to correct. I have now started a new job a month ago and from the get go my name has been pronounced wrong. I corrected interviewer who is my line manager 3 times at interview . She gets it right now thankfully. What I don't get is why on meetings when people hear my name they then still say it wrong. Are they not listening? I'm guessing they read it as it says which I totally get but it is still annoying. Should i just pipe up and say to everyone my name is pronounced like this?

For those who experience this please let me know how you feel and how you deal with this particularly at work. Sometimes it doesn't bother me other times it just grates me when I have told people what it is. I just had to message someone privately who introduced me at a large meeting but said my name wrong. Thing was he has sat on team meetings over the last month and heard my name being said a few times now. He did apologise and ask how to pronounce it which is fair enough. But he had no need to introduce me as all new starters had already been introduced in the 1st month which just annoyed me more and neither is he a manager. My manager said we have already introduced new starters.

Some people don't correct people but I don't see why I should be called the wrong name my whole life. When people ask me how to pronounce it it makes me feel valued and they acknowledge they could get it wrong. When people just keep ignoring it annoys me. It's 3 letters . When people ask if they can call me something totally different I find it ignorant and offensive. I know someone called Joanna and often people call her Joanne. It annoys her and her name is much more known.

I don't know if changing the spelling of my name will help or not for eg work. I'm halfway through life now.

Sorry just having a rant. Will probably feel better tomorrow but for some reason I feel upset today as it is embarrassing for both me and the person saying it wrong. Cant even concentrate on the meeting. It's tiring!!

Maybe you could add the phonetic spelling to your email signature to help at work

My older son has a unique 3 letter name which can be pronounced in many ways. He accepts that and now he just goes with however it’s being said. If it really bothers you, can you change the spelling slightly so it’s easier to pronounce. Like the name “Eli” could be e-lee, ee-lai, etc, so I’d change it to Ilai so at least the first letter sound will always be close enough rather than with an “e”

Sounds like a good idea!
It's weird how lately this is bothering me more now than in my whole life 😪.

Mines Welsh & I add a phonetic spelling to my email signature. Several colleagues with names difficult for English speakers do this too.

Note to anyone thinking about giving a cool & unique name to their PFB - don't do it!

My first name is often mispronounced, sometimes I correct it and sometimes I don’t but I also sometimes say it the way other people expect 🤷‍♀️ I have to spell both my names almost always. Doesn’t bother me

I don't usually bother to correct them with my full name unless important. However I use a considerably shortened name on a daily basis, which is 3 letters long and most can pronounce. Imagine a female version of Tim.

If people don't know, you have to tell them.

"Just so you know, my name is pronounced Ay-va, not Ee-va."

You will probably have to do this multiple times.

Why? Because your name is not as important to them as it is to you / they forgot / they didn't really concentrate when you told them / they can't really hear a difference between what they're saying and what you're hearing...

I have a name that in my country is foreign and have always gotten all sorts. I'm tolerant of it, because like the welsh example above I understand it doesn't make sense in other languages) but it annoys me when people make up a spelling when answering emails I've sent (the name was in my signature you idiot, copy and paste).

My answer depends a bit on what sort of uniqueness it is. Many years ago I came across a mother on a forum who wanted to spell her son's name Piliph to make it different. All replies were "but that's pronounced Pilliff" and she got so angry at the mere idea that the spelling could influence pronunciation. I think here in Sweden we might have a few Kevins spelt Cevin which would make it pronounced Sevin by all our pronunciation rules. If you get creative with stuff like that then that's on you and you have to learn tolerance.

Disagree with the Eli example above, since Ilai might just as easily end up Ailai. Trouble is English has nonsensical spelling to start with, so it's not easy.

I have a surname (not particularly long) that is almost always mispronounced. Sometimes understandably - perhaps an emphasis on the wrong letters - but more often than not people just choose something they know that sounds similar even if it means adding R’s and other letters that aren’t in my name. It’s infuriating. I usually correct them, but just cope if it’s someone I’m never going to see again. Even people I know relatively well (colleagues, some friends and my partner’s extended family) often still get it wrong.

My partner is Irish and has a similar problem.

That said, there seems to be a fashion now for made up names and funky spellings. For those I lack any sympathy!

It helps to add some context to help it stick in people’s minds. A little extra info, especially if it’s amusing, really helps root information.

Ava, like Ava Gardiner.
Eva, like ‘even Steven’s!’

Portia, like the car.

Ava please, Eva sounds like Evil Kineval.

@AliPG Giving people something it rhymes with makes it easier for them to recall.
e.g.Mia like fire, not Mia like fear.

My name is unusual but thankfully rhymes with a common boys name so I point that out and people never struggle again.

This is really good.
Everyone will remember and everyone is left feeling positive.

I have an unusual welsh name that's been mispronounced (and misspelt) my entire life. I'm used to it; it doesn't bother me.

I now live in Spain and the Spanish have even more fascinating ways of mangling my name – it's really quite funny!!

My name gets mispronounced too. It’s like people stop listening after the first syllable and just guess the rest. It’s not hugely long or unusual. Anyway, my workplace has added a function to our email where you can record your name pronunciaton and have it as a link in your email signature. Does yours have something similar, or could they get it?

About 10 years ago when I moved to uni I was brave enough and I stopped using my first name which was always pronounced wrong and as a non gendered name which always received comments . I hated the name growing up.

I now go by my middle name - husband and his family know me as it, all colleagues do and most friends. I love my middle name . It is simple and classic . My parents do not like that I use ‘generic middle name’ and always bring this up. But I love being ‘generic’!

My brother always says I am odd as I have a fake name but f him! Unless you have experienced this you can’t understand it .

My children have simple , classic names.

If pronouns can be in an e mail signature, so can pronunciation!

I hope other parents are taking notice of this when you name your kids ridiculous names

I teach and try my hardest not to get children's names wrong but oh my sometimes it is impossible. Some names just don't stick, especially when the letters don't match the pronunciation.

Good advice about the rhyming above.

If you think your name is odd me and my siblings may have worse.
Im bible that gives you an idea of the rest.

I understand. It is annoying.

I have an uncommon, but at the same time well known, forename, which has three different pronunciations. Most people get it wrong. I politely correct them, I tell them it's like the song, not like the famous person, but they still get it wrong 🙄So I find it easier these days to shorten it to the abbreviated pet form, otherwise I spend half my life answering to someone else's name.

I'm in a very similar position to you and it doesn't bother me. I certainly don't feel upset or embarrassed by it.

There are a minority who steadfastly refuse to pronounce it correctly but I consider that a useful insight into their character rather than a reflection on me or my name.

I always correct but always do it politely as I absolutely don't expect people to get it right straight away.

I definitely get excited when people get it right first time!

I'm really happy with having an unusual name so i completely disagree with feelingbleh. Actually it's people like that poster that cause the issue - they judge anything other than mainstream as 'ridiculous'. This leads to them consciously or unconsciously refusing to pronounce my name properly or, even worse, making rude comments about it.

I used to correct people the first tine or two. Then just accepted, hey-ho - what-does-it-matter, if they continued to get it wrong.
Never botheted me.

I’ve also got a weird name, often used for pets! It’s annoying but there are worse things..

Doesn’t bother me completely with some exceptions….

My name is perfectly phonetic but people mispronounce it because it is unusual so they assume it is more complicated than it is.

I correct them each and everytime. I only get annoyed at people who refuse to try and insist they be allowed to call me something “easier” (interestingly only women have ever done this to me - never a man and only English speaking women to boot) or people who for some reason change the pronounciation randomly.

I also don’t care too much about the stress in the wrong place or even people pronouncing my name how it would be pronounced in their native tongue.

@2ndbestslayer

There are a minority who steadfastly refuse to pronounce it correctly but I consider that a useful insight into their character rather than a reflection on me or my name.

Ooooooh yes - 100%