Living with a unique name that is mispronounced.

[AliPG]

I've spent my whole life recorrecting people who mispronounce my name. Its 3 letters long but the 1st letter is often said wrong. The spelling makes it appear a certain way which i get why it would be pronounced wrong. At school it wasn't too bad apart from one teacher who got my name wrong every art lesson. This really annoyed me after a while and even annoyed the rest of the class. Called the register every week but stumbled every time. No other teacher did that. Same teacher pronounced my polish friends surname wrong everytime. I would rather however have a forename that can be pronounced easier.

I dread starting a new employer or hearing my name read out in public settings. When people actually get my name right without asking I'm almost surprised.

At my last job my name was pronounced correctly at interview and throughout my role, bar a couple of people I had to correct. I have now started a new job a month ago and from the get go my name has been pronounced wrong. I corrected interviewer who is my line manager 3 times at interview . She gets it right now thankfully. What I don't get is why on meetings when people hear my name they then still say it wrong. Are they not listening? I'm guessing they read it as it says which I totally get but it is still annoying. Should i just pipe up and say to everyone my name is pronounced like this?

For those who experience this please let me know how you feel and how you deal with this particularly at work. Sometimes it doesn't bother me other times it just grates me when I have told people what it is. I just had to message someone privately who introduced me at a large meeting but said my name wrong. Thing was he has sat on team meetings over the last month and heard my name being said a few times now. He did apologise and ask how to pronounce it which is fair enough. But he had no need to introduce me as all new starters had already been introduced in the 1st month which just annoyed me more and neither is he a manager. My manager said we have already introduced new starters.

Some people don't correct people but I don't see why I should be called the wrong name my whole life. When people ask me how to pronounce it it makes me feel valued and they acknowledge they could get it wrong. When people just keep ignoring it annoys me. It's 3 letters . When people ask if they can call me something totally different I find it ignorant and offensive. I know someone called Joanna and often people call her Joanne. It annoys her and her name is much more known.

I don't know if changing the spelling of my name will help or not for eg work. I'm halfway through life now.

Sorry just having a rant. Will probably feel better tomorrow but for some reason I feel upset today as it is embarrassing for both me and the person saying it wrong. Cant even concentrate on the meeting. It's tiring!!

I think only one person has ever pronounced my name correctly without asking…used to drive my mum nuts when I was a kid. 40 years in and I honestly don’t care anymore. I sometimes catch myself thinking my name in the wrong pronunciation as well 😂

I have a very simple first name, but lots of people where English isn’t their first language, pronounce it as they would in their home country. I have a slightly unusual surname which is very rarely pronounced correctly, I couldn't care less about either, it’s never done with malice. I only correct if someone asks me if they have pronounced it correctly.

That's like Hermione (which everyone knows now because of Harry Potter), Persephone and even Penelope I've heard pronounced incorrectly.

My pet difficulty is Sara. I find it really difficult to remember for some friends that it's Sarah because to me, Sara rhymes with Zara.

We have a lot of South Koreans in our workplace. I am astonished at how many people cannot say the Korean names, even after weeks/months of knowing someone.

Many of the Koreans give themselves an English name.
I used to be annoyed by this, not with the Koreans but that the English were so hopeless at names that people felt the need to find an 'easy' name for them.

But then I had a really interesting conversation with one of the Korean guys. He was explaining that culturally names always come with a form of address attached. You never say - Sung Hu, you always say older-brother-Sung Hu or Mr-Boss-Sung Hu. To just say Sung Hu is pretty rude, as aknowledging status is very cultural. So for him, to be called plain Sung Hu feels really uncomfortable, and for a child to call him Sung Hu is awful. So he would much rather find an Enlgish name and use that and then it doesn't matter that it is plain Joseph or whatever.

Is it Ali??

I work with Sadhbh. 99 times out of 100 she is called Sophie. She has begun answering to Sophie.

I think that often people (and very much more with adults) certain sounds associate with certain configurations or letters so much that our brains just go there no matter how often we may be told that in this case it isn't true. I have travelled a lot, and to me something similar is nodding to say yes. I know that in some cultures it doesn't, my head knows that and it knows when I am in a place where it doesn't mean yes - but the automatic reaction to nod when I mean yes still kicks in.

Growing up there is a certain English word that people in my part of England routinely pronounce differently than the way it should be pronounced. At school my English tecaher corrected us every time we got it wrong. I'm now 67 and I still "stumble" over the word when it comes up and have to think for a sceond which is the right way to say it!!!

I still have to do a mental jump with Persephone if I read it. If I’m just saying it it’s fine but my brain always reads it wrong and then I have to correct myself.

With something like Sara (and I’ve known Sara’s called Sara and Sara’s called Sarah) or Ralph (is it Rafe or Ralph), I always go down the pick a pronunciation and ask them if that’s right route.

If someone has sat on meetings and heard my name being pronounced correctly how do they then say something else ?

Plus when I've told people more than 3 times you are to blame. How come others get it right?

Imagine living in a foreign country where people can't physically say your name!

I love the way Europeans say my name :)

Try using an easy to pronounce nickname instead. That's what immigrants do

I also know someone called Gina but it's pronounced Ginna/Jinna so she's spent her whole life explaining to people that she's not Geena she's Ginna. If her name is called out in a dentist's waiting room or whatever, then obviously they ALWAYS get it wrong. I guess she must have had a fair few people over the years, who despite knowing her fairly well, just can't seem to pick up the aural distinction between Geena and Ginna and continue to call her Gina anyway, because that's the name they know. And to be fair, that is how Gina should be pronounced, so it's hardly their fault.

My DH has a pretty uncommon (but not totally unheard of) name and I know two people who just CANNOT get it right, even though they've known us for years. Think along the lines of being Edmund and constantly being called Edward, or Fraser and being called Frasier, or Connell instead of Connor.

Our next door neighbour does it all the flipping time. I'll say 'Connor has gone to the shops' and she'll say 'Which shop did you say Connell went to?' right back at me. Her brain has decided he's called Connell and she just filters out everything else she hears. It's really strange. I think she's got raging ADHD though, so that might explain it.

Gosh she’s tolerant!

I'm wondering if it's Iva (pronounced Eva). There is a lady in my dance class with that name. I think she is Slovenian. She gets called Ivor and even Ivan regularly despite reminding people. I admit when I see her name written down it "says" Ivor to my brain but when I see her, my brain says Eva.

I really do try to get names right as my surname (similar to a more common one) is repeatedly mangled.

I agree with the poster who said attributing diminutives to people without invitation is rude. My boss does that - we have colleagues who prefer their full names (Edward, Elizabeth, Matthew etc) but he calls them Ed, Liz, Matt etc. He did it once to a client who prefers Daniel not Dan and was abruptly corrected. Tee hee.

There is a phrase my lovely gay friend uses when people called him Chris: "Most people call me Christopher"

It's incredibly polite and is a lovely, gentle correction without saying, don't call me Chris, or you've got my name wrong.

Would that work for you?

Ilai - I'd pronounce that as ee-lay

One possibility is they are not hearing it the same way you are. How we hear words depends on what we have heard as small children.

Also, if a word goes against the conventions for pronunciation or spelling in a language, people will struggle to remember. Some are better at it than others, but it's not a moral issue. No one likes getting it wrong, but it is harder for some than others.

A better question is why you are unable to understand that not everyone is the same.

Is everything rude these days? Giving someone a nickname if often an act of affection. Are we not allowed to bond anymore? Do we need to walk on eggshells constantly? Let's add this to another in the long list of navel gazing.

My name is always shortened without "permission" 🙄. Of course, if someone says they'd rather their long name that's fine too.

Honestly? There are far worse things to worry about. My name is also regularly mispronounced, so I know how it can be, but surely you can just roll with it?
Does it really matter? As long as you know they are talking to you/about you, what’s the difference?

That's happened to me too. Was on holiday with someone with the same name, different pronunciation, and by the end I was introducing myself to other people with her pronunciation!

I think there is a huge class element with nicknames. Wc people, in the past anyway, often were given nicknames by others, it may be less common now but certainly in my father's generation.

I spent the first 30 years of my life battling exactly the same non listening and eventually changed my surname by deed poll as my reaction to people getting it wrong (after saying it for them ffs) was bothering me.
For that alone half of my family ostracised me for "betraying the family name" and I was even disinherited by one parent, It was that black and white to them.
My only regret is their lack of understanding, because yeah, people literally glossing over correctly saying (and writing) your name can make you despair at the lack of respect, and it sullies many basic interactions.
So it's easier now being called, let's say "Smith" rather than, let's say "Coq" but deeply saddening that the paternal side of my family responded how they did.

Don't change the spelling. One day work will send you off on a foreign trip and you will get to the gate and be denied boarding because they booked the ticket with your "work name" and it doesn't match your passport (unless you change that too).

I had a colleague called Andy, work called him Andy, they booked him a ticket to France and back as Andy Smith, he got to the gate on the return leg and showed his passport saying "Andrew" and they wouldn't accept it. Fortunately one of the staff had spent time in the UK and knew about nicknames, but in France you are only known by what's on your birth certificate/passport except perhaps by your very closest friends and as far as anyone in a uniform is concerned, Andy and Andrew are as different as Eva and Ava.

I wonder if we have the same name...!

For years I let it bother me. And now it doesn't. The most I do if there is someone who just doesn't pay attention, I just mispronounce their name. It gets the point across quickly.

I love my name and I figured the people who take the time to know how to say it properly are the ones I respect more and give the time of day to.

My name is "old" and always said the same but has a number of spellings.
Some people send email with the wrong spelling even though they must have typed the right spelling to get the email address.
Some people use different incorrect spellings within the same email.
It is annoying and feel free to be pissed off.

I've always wished my 2nd name was my 1st; it's a real classic and so easy. The spelling of my 1st name, although I'm glad of this, has caused frustration through the years. My name's never pronounced as it should be, and people struggle with it. My surname isn't much better

I just grin & bear it, but I do make a point of ensuring people use the correct spelling.