Living with a unique name that is mispronounced.

[AliPG]

I've spent my whole life recorrecting people who mispronounce my name. Its 3 letters long but the 1st letter is often said wrong. The spelling makes it appear a certain way which i get why it would be pronounced wrong. At school it wasn't too bad apart from one teacher who got my name wrong every art lesson. This really annoyed me after a while and even annoyed the rest of the class. Called the register every week but stumbled every time. No other teacher did that. Same teacher pronounced my polish friends surname wrong everytime. I would rather however have a forename that can be pronounced easier.

I dread starting a new employer or hearing my name read out in public settings. When people actually get my name right without asking I'm almost surprised.

At my last job my name was pronounced correctly at interview and throughout my role, bar a couple of people I had to correct. I have now started a new job a month ago and from the get go my name has been pronounced wrong. I corrected interviewer who is my line manager 3 times at interview . She gets it right now thankfully. What I don't get is why on meetings when people hear my name they then still say it wrong. Are they not listening? I'm guessing they read it as it says which I totally get but it is still annoying. Should i just pipe up and say to everyone my name is pronounced like this?

For those who experience this please let me know how you feel and how you deal with this particularly at work. Sometimes it doesn't bother me other times it just grates me when I have told people what it is. I just had to message someone privately who introduced me at a large meeting but said my name wrong. Thing was he has sat on team meetings over the last month and heard my name being said a few times now. He did apologise and ask how to pronounce it which is fair enough. But he had no need to introduce me as all new starters had already been introduced in the 1st month which just annoyed me more and neither is he a manager. My manager said we have already introduced new starters.

Some people don't correct people but I don't see why I should be called the wrong name my whole life. When people ask me how to pronounce it it makes me feel valued and they acknowledge they could get it wrong. When people just keep ignoring it annoys me. It's 3 letters . When people ask if they can call me something totally different I find it ignorant and offensive. I know someone called Joanna and often people call her Joanne. It annoys her and her name is much more known.

I don't know if changing the spelling of my name will help or not for eg work. I'm halfway through life now.

Sorry just having a rant. Will probably feel better tomorrow but for some reason I feel upset today as it is embarrassing for both me and the person saying it wrong. Cant even concentrate on the meeting. It's tiring!!

My daughters name has two pronunciations. People always use the other pronunciation. I don't mind at first, obviously as it could be either, but I hate it when they continue to use the wrong pronunciation even though I've said it correctly several times. It's like they're suggesting I'm wrong. Quite frustrating. My son has a name that cannot be mispronounced! Lesson learned!

I have this exact problem. I work with someone who has English as a second language and has called me by the wrong name for 2 years because she can’t say it. Frustrating but understandable. Her English has improved over the 2 years and she can now say it, but is so used to calling me the wrong name she continues to do so. Now that she actually CAN say it not being arsed to do so because she thinks of me as X is getting on my wick!

There is a huge difference (and you know this) between a friend giving you a shortened name or nickname or whatever, and a stranger or someone in power (who you would feel uncomfortable correcting) doing it. And there too is a huge difference between someone calling you by a name you choose to go by and giving you something they’ve decided they want to use. A Robert may like Robert, or Rob, they may loath Bob, Bobbie or Robby. It’s not up to strangers to decide what to call us.

I have a few friends with unique names and they all feel the same as you.

they all have picked simple names for their own children like Emma and James in order to avoid afflicting the same in them.

parents really should think hard before they saddle their children with these types of names.

It’s always been rude to give someone a name without their consent.

that’s not new.

it might not bother you, fair enough but it really bothers others. You might think you are bonding but you are not. In fact you are probably pissing them off.

DS has been going out with a lovely girl for about 18 months. Her parents in their wisdom took a very familiar name and changed one letter. She has struggled with being called the familiar version her whole life, and she does correct people: "Actually it's Susam, not Susan" (made up example). The other day I mentioned her to DS and said Susan. I had a choice in my head and went for the wrong one. I was tired, and it's instinctive. I think, as has been said, that people just aren't concentrating. In meetings they are preoccupied with getting their points across and not making an idiot of themselves.
I don't think you should change the spelling, OP. More confusion! Just keep telling people.

Please start calling this guy Toto or Fluffy or Rover and when he asks why say 'I was just making up a name to be friendly, you seem to like that!'

My lovely sister in law is called Anais.

Occasionally someone will call her ‘A neigh’ and she will roll her eyes and say, ‘I’m not a bloody horse! It’s A nay ees!’

I have a foreign surname - I genuinely am not bothered that people can't pronounce it I always have to explain how to pronounce and spell it, it is not a problem.

I work with a lot of African people who put the phonetic spelling of their name on their signature. It’s very helpful.

People are forever mispronouncing my children’s names with a ‘soft a’. I do still correct them or drop their name into conversation so they can hear the correct pronunciation. Harder to do with your own name though.

I'm not sure I want to admit how long it took me to realise that I was working with Solveig, not Sophie.

It's actually not Chin :-) that's the very Anglicised version. But as she's already gone to the trouble of adapting it for them, it's (as you say) even more disrespectful to disregard that.

I have a unique name - never met or heard of anyone else with it! - and I personally love it.

It’s never pronounced or spelt correctly but that doesn’t bother me - I just correct people. Everyone remembers me that’s for sure!

Sorry it’s getting on your nerves OP - it’s amazing how people just don’t pay attention to what they read and hear isn’t it 😂

I think pissing them off is the aim. My family have very unflattering nicknames for each other.. it's hilarious!

I agree with prev poster where there's a class/cultural element to it. I get the OP is having a good rant, nothing wrong with that, I love a good rant. But in the grand scheme of things it's really not a big deal.

Someone at work has their preferred pronunciation of their name in their email sign-off, it’s hugely helpful and I imagine he is a lot less irritated at the end of each day!

Absolutely this.

And @user101101 where would you draw the line? If someone was introduced to their boss as Faisal and the boss said, ‘yeh, actually I’m gonna call you Fred, mate’, would that be fine?

Very true, but to clarify a bit, it's not just about hierarchical status but formality/distance. So your boss or even the Prime Minister would still address you formally. Or any 2 people who haven't reached the requisite closeness to drop the honorifics, regardless of status, would address each other formally. It's very intimate to just use another's first name. Even lovers take a while to reach that stage...

My name is a common variation of another common name - I get really cross when people continue to say it incorrectly even when I’ve corrected them! It’s said as it’s spelt.
I was away, with close friends recently, and all but 2 mispronounced my name at some point. They’ve all known me for at least 8 years. 😡

I've always felt it's so important to learn someones name and how to correctly pronounce (and spell if necessary). A mistake at first instance if fine and often understandable, but to repeatedly get it wrong is very disrespectful. It basically says "I don't give a shit".

Having said that, some people just seem useless with name. My boss is called Joanne. I have worked very closely with her for 5 years so she comes up in convo a lot when chatting about work. My MIL - who has met Joanne countless times - constantly refers to her as Jane. I really don't think she's doing it on purpose but I do wish she'd make more effort to get it right (even though it doesn't effect me at all).

People may not be doing it on purpose. There are a number of words I am fine pronouncing UNTIL I see it written down. Then my brain just sabotages me every time. I.e. the department store Fenwicks, Wymondham, Aoife, albeit, pilchards.

On Teams, your name is likely showing and might be causing that disconnect. Especially if it can be pronounced a different way.

I am mid 50s and I don't think I have ever met someone with the same name as me its so unusual - it is 5 letters and is pronounced as it reads but everyone gets it wrong and even read my name and then call me a similar more common 4 letter name instead.
Its never bothered me - I know who they mean. But I think its because I have trouble pronouncing words myself. I don't take it personally. It happens every day to me - I know its because people feel confused how to pronounce my name or just assume they have heard incorrectly.
I do though try extra hard to get other people's names right.
I think though if I am honest with you if your name is not spelt how it sounds there is no hope on people getting it right.

Because you are assuming people hear the same way as you - I have trouble picking up word sounds and I am terrible at new languages. When I met someone with an unusual name I have to spend quite a bit of time pronoucing it with them to get it right.

I used to be friends with a Julietta who did the same thing. She was really Giulietta.

Pilchards?

I have an unusual name which is very similar to a much more common name. It’s longer than yours and it has been misspelt and mispronounced my entire life, despite being phonetically spelt how it’s said. I choose not to let it bother me otherwise I’d spend my whole life being annoyed over something that’s not actually that important in the whole scheme of things and I’m unlikely to be able to do much about (as it’s different people throughout my life some of whom I’ll only meet once). I now only ever correct someone if it’s important to do so….otherwise call me what you like! 😂. I usually get called a completely different name altogether over the phone!! I do congratulate people if they get it right first time, which is unusual!!

People aren’t doing it to be rude or unkind. They are busy and thinking about other things and have their own problems, and they just make a mistake. Reading wise people generally don’t read by actually properly looking at a word, they do it by shape, and you don’t process all the letters, so this partly explains it too.

I am also understanding as I am also often on the other side of the fence. I also struggle to remember pronunciation of names once I have them in my head one way, so I could easily do what your manager did and mispronounce a name repeatedly - it took me well over a year to get a relative’s name change dialled in. Another relative has also changed their name and can’t get that dialled in at all. So what I am saying is people have their own difficulties with this to different degrees and it’s actually nothing to do with you. Your name isn’t the most important thing in their minds - and nor should it be - for example at the interview she was probably thinking about your answers and the next question and trying not to fuck it up or look unprofessional (and possibly all the things she needed to do when back at her desk!!), and to having what you were saying. I have to write names down in this type of setting and glance at them as I’m speaking to recall them at all, and if they don’t immediately read as they should tbh I’m bound to get it wrong. More than once!

So what I’m saying is it’s not about you, and it’s not going to change so completely pointless getting annoyed about it your whole life. You cannot and will never be able to control what other people do. There are plenty of things in life to get annoyed, angry or upset about (surely at the moment!) this really doesn’t need to given that much emotional bandwidth.

You might also find this helpful. I’m currently listening to it as it’s a good way to think as you move through life and thought it might be quite apt for you and this issue:

https://amzn.eu/d/9qY1QSP