Living with a unique name that is mispronounced.

[AliPG]

I've spent my whole life recorrecting people who mispronounce my name. Its 3 letters long but the 1st letter is often said wrong. The spelling makes it appear a certain way which i get why it would be pronounced wrong. At school it wasn't too bad apart from one teacher who got my name wrong every art lesson. This really annoyed me after a while and even annoyed the rest of the class. Called the register every week but stumbled every time. No other teacher did that. Same teacher pronounced my polish friends surname wrong everytime. I would rather however have a forename that can be pronounced easier.

I dread starting a new employer or hearing my name read out in public settings. When people actually get my name right without asking I'm almost surprised.

At my last job my name was pronounced correctly at interview and throughout my role, bar a couple of people I had to correct. I have now started a new job a month ago and from the get go my name has been pronounced wrong. I corrected interviewer who is my line manager 3 times at interview . She gets it right now thankfully. What I don't get is why on meetings when people hear my name they then still say it wrong. Are they not listening? I'm guessing they read it as it says which I totally get but it is still annoying. Should i just pipe up and say to everyone my name is pronounced like this?

For those who experience this please let me know how you feel and how you deal with this particularly at work. Sometimes it doesn't bother me other times it just grates me when I have told people what it is. I just had to message someone privately who introduced me at a large meeting but said my name wrong. Thing was he has sat on team meetings over the last month and heard my name being said a few times now. He did apologise and ask how to pronounce it which is fair enough. But he had no need to introduce me as all new starters had already been introduced in the 1st month which just annoyed me more and neither is he a manager. My manager said we have already introduced new starters.

Some people don't correct people but I don't see why I should be called the wrong name my whole life. When people ask me how to pronounce it it makes me feel valued and they acknowledge they could get it wrong. When people just keep ignoring it annoys me. It's 3 letters . When people ask if they can call me something totally different I find it ignorant and offensive. I know someone called Joanna and often people call her Joanne. It annoys her and her name is much more known.

I don't know if changing the spelling of my name will help or not for eg work. I'm halfway through life now.

Sorry just having a rant. Will probably feel better tomorrow but for some reason I feel upset today as it is embarrassing for both me and the person saying it wrong. Cant even concentrate on the meeting. It's tiring!!

My maiden name was always pronounced incorrectly and I had to spell it out to people. It is so frustrating. Couldn't wait to change it upon marriage. It's a main factor in why we gave our children classic and easy to spell names.

I like the suggestion of the pronunciation in your email footer, if you don't want to go by a middle name of different name.

Why have you assumed a name is “ridiculous” be because you are unfamiliar with it.

I wish I could work out what these names are

Those of us with non English surnames have this a lot, though I imaging having this for a first name is worse in terms of having to deal with the mispronounciations.

I honestly don't care though. I suppose I should but my surname is quite difficult for English people to prononce and I actully can't be arsed with the several attempts to get it right that follow my saying the name correctly. I honestly don't mind how you pronounce it, though if you see it written down, do try to spell it correctly when you write it. As a PP said, just cut and paste or copy it extra carefully, like I do with a name, where the spelling is not intuitive for English speakers

As for why people continue to get it wrong for a bit longer than others do, some just don't always listen properly as they can't keep their mind on the here and now and are constantly distracted, or onto the next thing and some have bad memories. In the case of my surname, the majority of people in the UK just struggle to prounce it even if I say it several times.

Mostly though people are not that intested in other people and what they call themselves, until that person becomes important enough to them in some way to overcome whatever the initial issue is - non interest, difficulty remembering etc). That may not be a wondeful reason but since you are dealing with the pronoinciation of your name daily with everyone you meet, you are onto a hiding to nothing, trying to get everyone to behave as you would like about your name.

Find a strategy to deal with it that you can live with (whether that is constantly correcting, always ignoring incorrect pronounciations or somewhere in between, or even changing the spelling to a phonetic one or using a different name) and stop trying to change what you can't (other people's behaviuor)

Some people genuinely cannot hear the difference in sounds with subtle pronunciation differences.
They think they are saying it the right way. It's like the word specific, quite often people say Pacific, but if you ask them about it they think they are saying specific and the two words are the same.
I'm not saying you have to put up with it, but it genuinely isn't meant with malice/laziness by a lot of people.

She gets it right now thankfully. What I don't get is why on meetings when people hear my name they then still say it wrong. Are they not listening? I'm guessing they read it as it says which I totally get but it is still annoying. Should i just pipe up and say to everyone my name is pronounced like this?

It’s because they are thick. It’s that simple.

I knew a person called “Qin”. Pronounced “Chin” (she is Chinese).

The amount of times I witnessed an interaction like this:

”Hi my name Chin [Qin].”

”Hi Kwinn / Ki-inn” - nice to meet you”

Just completely thick.

And also making things harder for themselves.
”Chin” is so easy to say!

I knew a girl called Ava pronounced 'Are-va'. It just couldn't stay in my head. There was genuinely no malice involved, I just really struggled to remember it and would sometimes accidentally call her 'Aye-va'. Her mother corrected me every time, as she should! Eventually I got there. I think some people like me are just a bit slow to learn something new, I apologise on behalf of all of us! Sorry

I think a pronounciation in the email footer is a great idea.

But also never underestimate how thick people can be.

It's not always about that though. Imagine my name is Hyperbole. People see it written down and, understandably, call me Hyper-bowl. I correct them and tell them it's actually Hai puh buh lee. That's not a subtle difference in pronunciation.

I absolutely expect to be called hyper bowl when I first meet someone. When it's a colleague you have worked with for a couple of years and who has been corrected by you and your boss and has sat in multiple meetings where people pronounce your name correctly, I really think there no excuse to continue to call me Hyper bowl. That's the kind of thing that has me mentally writing off that person has worthy of my time and respect.

Hey OP- don’t know if you have even seen this.

But on the topic:

m.youtube.com/watch?v=JTPC73SdRkA&pp=0gcJCdgAo7VqN5tD

This. It’s not about not hearing subtle differences. It’s not being arsed.

I have a very common and easy to pronounce two syllable surname.

Approximately 50% of people add ‘Mac’ to my surname. An extra three letters, an extra syllable, a whole different starting letter.

They do this in response to communication with my name correctly spelt within it.

They do this when writing down my name immediately after I’ve just told them it.

They do this while reading out my name from a list in front of them.

The reason is as someone has said above - people really, really don’t listen properly (or read properly) - they guess, estimate, predict from context - and must of the time, they have no idea they are doing it.

My issue isn't mispronunciation but people often decide to change my name - think Lisa instead of Eliza. It's a whole different name and not mine! I find it really irritating.

I am very happy I have a cool unique name (which is also incrediby old, traditional and a staunchly judeo-christian name!)

The trouble with the Portia/ Porsche example, is that it’s possibly one of the most mispronounced car makes out there! Like Nike trainers.

Quite a few people 'see' rather than 'hear' unfamiliar words so it's not necessarily coming from a bad (or stupid) place

I have a friend with a SE Asian name that looks like a common English word but sounds different and it took me a while before I no longer had to stop and think about it

Op - there are so many names at work people often need to refer to what is in front of them. If it is an English name people will automatically try to apply English phonics rules when saying it

My name is common but with an uncommon spelling that is mispronounced constantly. When I correct people, they ask me if I am sure that's my name 👀

I had to have a word with someone who’s quite new in my department recently. He’s dreadful for shortening people’s names. Even started referring to one of our directors as Bob, took me a while to work out who he meant. No one has ever called Robert, ‘Bob’. Even put it in emails. I asked if Robert had asked him to call him Bob and my colleague said no, he just thought he was being friendly!

My middle names are all English funnily enough and very easy to pronounce. I am tempted to use my first middle name but then I think why should English names be the norm.

There are loads of Welsh speakers for whom this would not work. English speakers don't know phonetic symbols and lots of Welsh sounds can't be represented in English. Personally, I use a nickname, but I've still had people asking me to change my name or insisting on reading my name 'their way' rather than using the nickname/diminutive I've chosen.

Years ago I was waitressing and the women I was reporting to, on hearing my name said

“oh I can’t say that- I am going to just call you “Lisa” <not the actual name she gave>, like the last girl - keeps things easy”

So I decided to give her a new name
too. She complained to the agency about me as apparently me doing that was “rude”.

Why is it your place to 'have a word with him and not Robert's?

It bothers me. I find a lot of people just don't want to bother with even attempting to pronounce mine because it's foreign "different". It's actually quite easy to pronounce and is mostly phonetic but people can be very rude.

It’s coming from a stupid place. There is no reason a non-stupid person would ignore (repeatedly) what was said. I can get it maybe once especially when it is an established name with a different pronounciation in the speakers language. But not in this example.

Why shouldn’t she? Especially when she is clarifying who he is speaking about.