18 yr old ds permanently at the kitchen table

[Upperroom]

he's revising, been so for months at the kitchen table. Has all meals bought to him. I cannot wait for a levels to finish. I’m desperate to have my space back! Dh says it’s fine (although he has his own study) and thinks it’s good he’s not in his room all the time. Aibu?
there’s also a possibility he may take a year out and retake a uni admissions test… so this might not be over in 2 weeks!

You're moaning because your son is revising in the house he lives in?

Yes - you're being unreasonable

Fair enough - good point!

He does use the entire table though and is very put out if a sister wants to use it for drawing etc…

And I’m moaning anonymously here of course and not to him obviously!

Why does he need the whole table?
why can’t he collect his own dinner plate?

It’s better than him being stuck in his room, which is my DD. I’d tell him to zip it though if he complains if someone else needs to use it. The world doesn’t stop as he is doing exams and pretty sure tidying up some of his books won’t impact his results!

I’d make him an offer. He can carry on using the kitchen for revision - and good on him for that - BUT he only gets half the table and he collects his own plate. You are not his service human.

But at least you know he’s revising. That’s really good.

Is his bedroom a tip?
Does he have enough space to study productively there?
DD is revising for her final exams and we agreed on a purge of clothes and tat from her bedroom at the end of the Easter holidays. It’s a lot more Zen in there now and it took 2 hours.

I’d also insist on mealtimes as a chance to leave his books, clear his head, socialise and then go for a walk. Burnout and saturation/panic learning are not helpful.

But at the end of the day, exams are 3 (6 in DD’s case!) hours when you need to be on top form and do your best work.
Good luck and it’ll soon be over!

Lots of parents are stressed because their child does not revise, so keep telling yourself this is your part to play on his journey. I remember my daughter’s stuff spread all over the table, but it will disappear again soon. One day your table will be empty and you will miss him being there. Hope he does well, sounds like he deserves to.

He should be able to revise at the kitchen table. A lot of people fund it easier to focus when there's people around doing their own tasks. In the ADHD world it's called body doubling.

BUT he is old enough to learn about manspreading and how it is unacceptable. He doesn't need the entire table and his sister should be able to use some of the space as long as she is quiet and respectful not to get paint on his work.

There's a balance here

I feel your pain! I think he just likes being in the middle of things rather than tucked away in his room. As PP have said it's good he's revising and stops him being isolated . And it will be over soon. Solidarity to all Exam parents xxx

Why does he need the whole table? It does sound up bit like he’s purposely choosing to inflict his revision on others in a kind of martyred way and be the centre of attention. In fact, why does he need the kitchen table at all? If he has a desk, he should do most of his revision in his bedroom.

And why are you bringing him meals? Are his legs weighed down by textbooks removing his ability to walk? Don’t do that and gradually reduce his space on the kitchen table.

Line of tape to delineate half the table so his stuff is contained?

That's what we had to do in our shared office at work...!

I would never moan about it if he was revising. I think you would have problems if he wasn’t revising. YABVU

Sounds like there's a perfectly good study available. If dh thinks it's fine for you to give up your space, maybe he should give up his for a while.

Restrict him to half the table or up to his room he goes.

We have this too. My dd has moved around the house. I am quietly getting on with it, as we need to put them first. It’s the one time we need to set everyone else’s needs to one side and prioritise them. It’s hard going. I feel your pain. Grit your teeth and let him stay and have the whole table. Whatever he needs to keep going. His sister can draw elsewhere, and will have similar support when it’s her turn.

OMG Yeeeesssssss!

I have twins doing A levels! Just left for final exam today. You should see the MOUNTAIN I just took to the recycling. We’ve been sweeping paper to one side for MONTHS in order to eat dinner. They both have private study space but prefer the kitchen table. What are you gunna do except grit your teeth and put up??

I’m looking forward to reinstalling house rules as of today!

What’s his immediate plans for after exams?

So what if he does take over the table for a few weeks? If it was that big an issue surely you'd have come up with another space for him to study? The only rule I would have is that because it is a communal space I'd expect him to leave it tidy at the end of every revision session. Once exams are done then you come up with a new revision set up that works for everybody should he need to take more.

Can you buy a camp table and stick it up somewhere nearby temporarily to eat off during exam season?

Otherwise it’s really annoying having to constantly clear space for two or three meals a day in a family home.

I wouldn’t have been allowed to
monopolise the kitchen table like this when was doing A levels. I had to study in my room. It’s good he is studying though!

Your ds should at least be encouraged to share a bit of the règle with your dd if she colours quietly.

Another alternative is the library?

Jesus there’s one, two weeks left at most. The time to tackle this was months ago. Be pleased he’s putting the effort in and support him FFS.

Bringing him meals to the kitchen table seems like overkill. What happens when someone else wants some table?

My dd is also doing her A levels. It is quite stressful. If he takes a year out and does an admission test he’s not going to be at the table for months on end again. You are catastrophising there.

I wouldn't be waiting on him, if for no other reason than movement breaks are important. Leave him to the kitchen table it sounds like theres not long left now DD can do her drawing in her room and you can all eat on laps a couple more weeks and then it will be done.

I’d be pleased if my dc was studying at the kitchen table. Studying can be isolating and having people around brings a sense of normality.