18 yr old ds permanently at the kitchen table

[Upperroom]

he's revising, been so for months at the kitchen table. Has all meals bought to him. I cannot wait for a levels to finish. I’m desperate to have my space back! Dh says it’s fine (although he has his own study) and thinks it’s good he’s not in his room all the time. Aibu?
there’s also a possibility he may take a year out and retake a uni admissions test… so this might not be over in 2 weeks!

Why on earth is that a problem? Count your blessings!! Firstly he is revising, secondly he is not stuck in his room, thirdly you have visibility of what he's up to! Win, win, win!

If I had to pick a problem to have, this would be a strong contender.

Is he expecting everyone to be quiet in the kitchen while he revises?

I wouldn’t mind the table being occupied- as pp say there are benefits in being able to see he is revising - but it would be impossible trying to keep quiet, not have conversations with other family members etc.

My DD did the same for her A levels.

Personally I didn't mind at all. Having a comfortable study place is for such a short time and so important for their future.

Her reasons were having a bigger table to have all her stuff out and food & drinks on tap without running up & down the stairs.

I don’t think DC need to be completely excused from chores during exams as that’s not the real world.

I’m talking minimal things like clearing the dish washing - doesn’t seem a big ask if you’re working and doing the rest of the housework to have them carry on with some chores.

I WISH my son would a) do his homework so willingly and b) do it at the dining table where I can keep an eye on him, instead of in his room. Unfortunately, he needs a computer because all his homework is online so he uses his room or our office which is constantly in use.

This is only a short while and it will effect the reset of his life. Please just be patient, and supportive, it's almost the last stage where he will really need you before becoming more independent. You're coming across a bit petty and selfish over something that doesn't really matter when he needs you and is under lot of stress and worry.

I do think he can probably fetch his own meals though! 😄

You’re not being serious? The boy is trying his best to pass his exams and but still wants to feel like part of the family. That’s great. I had to do all my study at the kitchen table when I was doing exams - I didn’t have a desk or a spare room to use as a study. I didn’t see my mother huffing and puffing over it. In fact she was my biggest cheerleader. What on earth is wrong with you?

I’ve just reclaimed our table after months of revising. It’s just a short phase.

I thought about the body doubling. I have ADHD I just did my exam. I'm retraining later in life. It's difficult. I sit with headphones in listening to different rain founds whilst either in a cafe or with my partner. I need people around. I may have autism alongside ADHD so I also struggle with noises. It's weird. I need the people around but the people get on my nerves after a while. It's difficult to navigate. Anyway I digress. I agree with the body doubling

I would just ask him why he doesn't study in his room. Maybe it was an idea to help him sort his room out. There may have been things he wasn't happy with. Position of his desk lack of space ect

My daughter is studying for her gcses and is happy revising in her bedroom. My son is at university and he too studies in his bedroom. Worth asking him but they are nearly over now I wish him luck.

I can’t wait for them to be over too - just want my 18 year old to be chilled again and he wants a heavy sesh out with his mates !
He has worked hard and his stuff over my table is a small price to pay

My son was like this for his GCSEs last summer - a month of his books, lap top, notes, flash cards all over the kitchen table despite him having a desk in his bedroom (unused) and also a downstairs study! As a result we all became drawn in to the revision - and stress. It’s not even like he did loads of work! Just sat there and pretended to work a lot of the time! Glad it’s over - until a levels next summer 🫠🫠😳

Aww one day soon he won’t be at your kitchen table anymore. Make the most.

I had never heard of body doubling - interesting! I have thought in the past how my son has some mild adhd traits

It’s not that i mind him per se being at the table - it’s the stress on the household that these exams create and the kitchen table with all the “stuff” is kind of symbolic of that stress.

A levels are really hard and stressful. Perhaps he just wants people around him, and at least you know he’s working. It won’t kill your own little Gentileschi to paint somewhere else for a while.

Sometimes being in a quiet place alone can make it hard to concentrate.

Weirdly I focus best in a tucked away corner of a busy warehouse! My formative professional years was being a data analyst in a manufacturing setting. I’ve now found ambient soundscapes complete with machinery and forklift beeping 😁 I also hate to feel closed away and need activity around me.

I'm going to be unpopular here but I have 2 grandchildren above 20 so I'm qualified to comment.
These kids face the most expensive rates for rent, car insurance and even basic groceries.

So - if you haven't taught your kids about budgetting, how to cook etc, then you can't complain about them moving home

Of course you are being unreasonable, hope they get into uni, so they can be around more like minded people.