18 yr old ds permanently at the kitchen table

[Upperroom]

he's revising, been so for months at the kitchen table. Has all meals bought to him. I cannot wait for a levels to finish. I’m desperate to have my space back! Dh says it’s fine (although he has his own study) and thinks it’s good he’s not in his room all the time. Aibu?
there’s also a possibility he may take a year out and retake a uni admissions test… so this might not be over in 2 weeks!

Dumb

I’d have been dancing with joy if my Ds had done that. He couldn’t be fucked, count yourself lucky!

Body doubling is a thing. Let him be productive where he can feel more accountable to himself and family.

I'd be very glad he isn't locked away in his room for hours on the internet. Be careful what you wish for...

It’s great he’s doing it at the kitchen table, you know he’s actually working. When I was ‘revising’ in my room, I would have been painting my toenails, reading Smash Hits and More magazine (showing my age), literally doing anything but revising. Now kids have that added distraction of social media and everything else online. There is no way I would have the dedication to knuckle down and actually revise.

When he lands a good job and is successful in life, you will look back and laugh at how he drove you mad with his books over the kitchen table.

Do they have enough space in their bedroom?

It's just another week and a half. Just leave all your complaints to one side for a few more days. Let him have the table.

Oh come on! The OP should read some threads on here where teenage boys are telling their mothers to fuck off and have got their teenage girlfriends pregnant.

This is not a biggie, her son sounds like a good lad.

Who is bringing him all his meals? If it's you, stop.

Your house sounds a bit like men get to spread out everywhere and take up space, and women have to budge up (and possibly bring them meals). Think about how fair that is.

I spent O' and A' Levels holed up in my room. There's no way I could have used our dining room with the amount of traffic in and out. I did English Literature for both so I always had a set text to read and read again and sometimes managed that in the corner of the lounge. But essay writing and revising...no. I was the eldest and a first gen (my parents left school at 15 and went to work) so the effect of me being upstairs on my own swotting away was a bit alienating for us all. On the other hand, keeping my study things upstairs and out of the way made stopping for meals a distinct break and meant the rest of the family weren't inconvenienced by stacks of books and ring-binders.

We are all different of course and had I had children I'm far from convinced that I wouldn't have let them study wherever they were happiest and most comfortable - whatever it took to get them through their exams. I know how difficult it is. I've since done two bachelor degrees, a diploma, a master's and am approaching the end of my PhD and my A' Levels stand out, more than forty years on as the most stressful thing I've ever done, academically. At the same time, I'm more aware now than I was back then, of how difficult it was for those around me. All the best to your son and to you - I hope his exams go well and he gets the results he wants.

I went on a revision course on how to support the kids doing exams and this was exactly what they suggested - work at the kitchen table so they aren't distracted by tech on their rooms. Seriously, you should be delighted nit complaining.

Op is allowed to feel upset. There's another adult in the house who isn't the slave/dogsbody and whose space isn't being invaded. I would feel slightly aggrieved by this point as well. And op has been incredibly supportive even going as far as putting her work on hold for this revision period. I notice on here a lot how the womenfolk are supposed to defer to the menfolk because it keeps the peace, it's only for another day/month/year, you were doing it anyway etc.

Why would you pull up the drawbridge on the status quo in the middle of exams, with just over a week to go, so you can make a point?

Will he be able to have a summer job once exams are over. Definitely get him doing chores during the holidays. Can he cook meals? If going to uni he needs to be able to look after himself and not be waited on

At least he is working for his exams. That takes priority at this stage however much it’s annoying

@ThePhantomoftheEcobubbleOpera
I said op is allowed to be upset not 'pull up the drawbridge' ffs

Then why did you make a point of criticising those who suggested holding on with how things are for a bit longer?

Go and share your husband's individual workspace and leave your son alone.

I don't think you realise how lucky you are to have a son like that who takes revision seriously and/or who doesn't spend the whole day locked in their room.

I was like that when I was studying, I took over probably the entire living room. Yes, it was probably selfish looking back, but it's a really stressful time and it's good to have family who will support you during this time.

You can’t see this now but please remember they will not always live with you & you will some day look back and wish for the days he spent at the kitchen table. Please remember something you never know when “the last” time is. Enjoy it, it doesn’t last forever!

I mean, it’s great that he’s sat at the table revising but why are you bringing him food? Surely he’s not studying every second of the waking day?! He must be able to stop for loo/food breaks etc?
I certainly wouldn’t let him take up the whole table, especially as his sibling wants to use it too. Surely 50/50, or 70/30 if the younger sibling just wants to do colouring.

Does he have a desk in his room to use?

My dd has GCSEs now, and does sometimes use the kitchen or even garden table for a change of scene. But she’s intelligent enough to know that she can’t dominate the kitchen table at all times, and that the rest of the household also need to use it.

Also, the kitchen isn’t really a room that you can shut people out of/ say has to be kept silent for study. So it’s only an occasional change of scene place to study.

I occasionally go down to the kitchen table when wfh although I have a study, but again I wouldn’t expect that room kept quiet if others are in the house!

I do make lunches for dd most days if she’s at home at lunchtime around GCSE s. Not because I have to but to be nice.

But it helps that she’s a genuinely non-entitled considerate person that you want to do nice things for. If I thought/ think my kids are taking the piss in some way, then I might feel differently about bringing food.

DD will help when asked though- so yesterday I was working from the office, and asked her to put something into the oven when I was on my way back. So it’s a bit of give and take!

I used to take over the kitchen table to revise. Desks just don’t cut it they’re too small with all the notes and revision resources etc.

In the end my parents put a big table for me in the lounge to revise at. Is this something you can do?

I agree with this too. Whilst we all want to support our kids through exams and are proud of them for doing their best, we are humans too!

I’ve struggled with the feeling of having my feet nailed to the ground through the revision and exams time - ie not being able to go anywhere or do anything much as a family, or even very much alone or with younger DC, because of the need to keep things nice and calm and quiet for DD.

I’m a single parent and whilst exh is on the scene, DD opted to be with me permanently during revision and exam time to help her focus and be calm/ emotionally supported. I’m glad to be the parent she finds calm and supportive but it’s been tough emotionally!