I got diagnosed in my mid-50s.
My husband supported our daughter through the diagnostic process for our granddaughter and said that he thought I should investigate it. A couple of months after this, my eldest sister, who was supporting her own daughter through the process with one of her kids, phoned me up and told me this was definitely an issue I should look into further. So I did. Potentially, important to mention that my eldest sister is 20+ years older than me and I lived with her family part time while I was growing up, therefore, she definitely had quite a bit of insight. It was her who wrote the supporting letter to the psychiatrist.
Thing is, throughout my lifetime I had quite a lot of interaction with psychiatrists. I got diagnosed with childhood schizophrenia - which if you look at the history of autism, that's how autistic traits were typically diagnosed 50 years ago. I also got diagnosed with a range of psychosomatic presentations. Was on weekly depo injections throughout my teens. Lots of struggles with anxiety, depression and a couple of psychotic breaks in my adult life. As you might be able to tell from this description, autism for me wasn't something I could successfully mask.
Anyway, on to your question. Family have been apologetic. They feel I ended up going through a lot of stuff (with medical professionals) that harmed me. Obviously, they didn't know and weren't doing this on purpose, just following doctor's advices.
BUT, and this is a big but, one of my kids thinks it's all bullshit. She believes that somehow I'm a fantasist / narcissist / master manipulator and I've just managed to convince a load of people that 'it's not really my fault' I was a shitty mother. She sees it as an excuse. A way of avoiding accountability. I was a cold mother, prone to meltdowns that sometimes landed me in psychiatric care. My other two kids are fine. My husband is fine and tends to use autistic friendly strategies to communicate / recognise my needs.
Friends totally get it. I don't have many. All have been with me through thick and thin. Explains why I'm quite odd.
Colleagues, hmmm, most are understanding and are genuinely interested in things like what strengths I have, what barriers I encounter, etc. However, a couple have used it as a stick to beat me with, e.g. you're clearly not coping because you're autistic (nothing to do with the fact they're my shitty manager currently under performance review). I find that hard to deal with because I'm not actually asking for adjustments, instead I'd just like them to do their job properly so I can do mine. It's hard when someone picks on something you can't change to justify their bullying. Yes, I know it's covered under the Equality Act and I'm in the process of doing something about that.
In terms of the menopause, I do think it hits autistic women harder. This is purely anecdotal from people I've spoken to. Similarly, PMDD.
Finally, god, sorry about the essay, I struggle a bit with people saying 'everyone's a bit autistic', probably because I had to pay such a high price. I try and explain the spectrum isn't like a scale, i.e. 1-10, and instead it's like a graphic equaliser with some bits turned up louder and some bits turned down lower. I also feel a bit jealous of people who only realise later on in life, because I always knew something was fundamentally wrong and if it wasn't for my husband I'd be dead.