How did your friends, family or colleagues take your late diagnosis of ADHD/autism?

[whatisforteamum]

So after a rough 18 months in a job I decided to get assessed for A D H D.
I was quite surprised to find out I do have Hyperactive Impulsive type and it was suggested I get assessed for autism as I have some traits.
I'm 58 so quite a thing to learn after all these decades.
I think it was informative for my adult dcs one of which I think has ADHD anyway.
My DH kind of implied he put up with me and now is trying to understand.
I told my newish work colleagues who I had mentioned I was in a long queue as they had family members who went private and when I told them the outcome a couple were nicer than before and a couple definitely will micromanage me more and became distant.
What has been you experience with others post diagnosis.?

I used to think this too. But I've read a lot of research now and I'm quite shocked by how wrong I was. It's likely that the concept of being NT is bullshit and that we'll one day have a society in which neurodiversity is accepted as much as physical diversity is. Until then, though, if your neurobiology doesn't fit the box, then it can really disable you and a diagnosis can help enormously. My life is changing rapidly for the better as I go through the assessment process, with all the reading and learning I'm doing. Please think about educating yourself so you can understand the facts better than you do right now.

I'm highly successful by objective standards, but have always been incredibly stressed by my inability to function like everyone else, and the need for the world to be on fire before I can get in the zone.

Medication hasn't been a magic wand, but it's made a huge difference and I'm so much more efficient and therefore less stressed.

I dithered about this question for ages. Didn't want to take NHS resources away from someone younger than me. But equally felt it was an unnecessary extravagance to go private. Once I'd made the decision to go for it (with a specialist company that focus on women's AuDHD), honestly, it's already been worth the money, when though I'm only at the post-screening point.

I got a private diagnosis from a psychiatrist - I was diagnosed 6 years ago and medication has been life saving. Slight derail but I am moving to England soon and am scared I won’t be able to get my adhd medication. How do you get yours?

Thank you all for sharing your experience of this.
I feel less lonely now and several of us found out post menopause.!

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> I thought part of the assessment involved speaking to someone who knew pre 12 years old

For me, it was either supply school reports, or that the psych needed to speak to someone who had known me as a child. I was able to do the former.

Sometimes it’s not possible. I didn’t have anyone I could ask to be the informant who knew me under 12 years. For both the ASD and ADHD assessments, my DH was my informant (known me for over 15 years), and I gave the information from when I was a child. Because my memory is excellent I could give a detailed account of my childhood, and that together with my medical and mental health information was accepted.

It was the same for me. I didn’t want my elderly parents involved. DH had known me 20 years and I had some school reports that provided evidence.

Diagnosis was helpful for me not just for medication - which has made a huge difference - but also for self-acceptance. My self-esteem was always through the floor. Actually it was worse than that, I'd say self-hatred was the defining thread through my life. I was outwardly successful but my inner voice was so ugly. I'd never speak to anyone else the way I spoke to myself, constantly telling myself how useless/stupid/ugly/unloveable etc. I was. I feel so sad looking back at that.

Between having an explanation for certain things and the calm I get with the medication I've been able to let go of that. I don't look in the mirror and love myself exactly but I no longer have that disgusting voice constantly putting me down.

Very mixed for me. I haven't disclosed to siblings and parents, not sure I ever will. Told a handful of friends, a couple have been great and supportive when initially told, but then never mentioned it again. A couple of others have been disinterested / dismissive. I am very high masking so you would really not have any clue that I am autistic at all - many people don't truly understand what autism is, or have any inclination to learn, and it's not my job to educate them quite honestly. Diagnosis has been life changing for me in terms of accepting myself and limitations, and is very helpful for my DH and children who have to live with me.

Decafearlgrey I agree the diagnosis helps to understand yourself.

I was diagnosed at 33, which was a decade ago.

My two best friends are therapists and were not surprised at all.

My mom has been odd about it off and on. I think with her it’s guilt, or something? Years ago (I was probably about 11 or 12) my teacher at the time suggested I be tested because “there’s something really wrong here.” She nearly had his job over that, or at least tried.

That teacher was a blunt guy, former Marine and all that, and I’m sure he could have said it more kindly. But in the years since I’ve realized that he really did care about me and was trying to help. My mother, though, will still occasionally talk about what an awful man he was, and also diminish my diagnosis.

I think if she really had to think about all those years I was struggling and not just “lazy” or “unmotivated”, and consider all I’ve accomplished in the last (medicated) decade, she’d feel bad. So she just doesn’t.

This is abusive. Your partner to “explode” at you is unacceptable

Exactly

I was very surprised when DH got an adult autism diagnosis. It is interesting to hear that for many of you, your partners were already well ahead ☺️.

Does anyone ever go for a diagnosis and get told they don’t have it? I got told by my therapist that I was amazing at coping and managing my ADHD which was as surprise to me as I’m not diagnosed!

Does anyone ever go for a diagnosis and get told they don’t have it?

Yes on the NHS, occasionally

No privately

No privately

And you know this because…?

@reversegear I imagine that most people referred to an oncologist following a biopsy have cancer, and most people referred to a physio by their GP have muscular or skeletal pain. And most people referred to speech therapy have an issue with their speech. And so on.

My concern is that it's taking resources away from the people who are severely affected.

And don't get me started on activists who are trying to get treatment taken away from people with autism because it doesn't fit with their ideology.

If the partner was completely unaware of why it was happening though how could they take steps to address it? It isn’t a choice

Shit therapist then

I half agree with you.

I agree with this with reference to middle aged people who have managed to get to get a house, decent job, have kids, get married etc….

I feel like this new concept of ‘discovering ourselves’ can be good, however it dilutes the issues and problems faced by those, particularly children, who are significantly impacted in every aspect of life with their ADHD/ASD. This is where I disagree with you in that it’s not just a label, some kids are significantly impacted by it as their brains are wired differently. Their ADHD means they can’t learn properly because their concentration is so weak.

Those that have to go in to a special unit/class/school, those that are so impacted they will never be independent and will always need support. We all have our struggles and weakness but some struggle significantly more than others. Some children with ASD can’t speak or communicate yet an adult can live an independent life, as described above, and they still have the same diagnosis.

On the one hand I think it’s good that ND is being discussed more and more and it’s normalised, but then I worry that it will dilute the struggles of those who are most severely impacted and will never be independent, hold down a job, run a house or have kids.

Already benefits are getting cut back for those with disabilities. I’m concerned that those who are significantly impacted and need so much support will be told to get on with it and to ‘try harder’, after all how can someone live independently and a normal life, but the next person can’t, if it’s all the same diagnosis?! (I don’t think that but I’m worried people will) So I think there should be different words really, because it’s like saying I’m bleeding with a small cut or having half your finger hanging off, you’re bleeding in both instances but one is significantly worse.

I think it’s good to acknowledge everyone who have difficulties but the ‘umbrella term’ in my opinion helps no one.

This 👏