How did your friends, family or colleagues take your late diagnosis of ADHD/autism?

[whatisforteamum]

So after a rough 18 months in a job I decided to get assessed for A D H D.
I was quite surprised to find out I do have Hyperactive Impulsive type and it was suggested I get assessed for autism as I have some traits.
I'm 58 so quite a thing to learn after all these decades.
I think it was informative for my adult dcs one of which I think has ADHD anyway.
My DH kind of implied he put up with me and now is trying to understand.
I told my newish work colleagues who I had mentioned I was in a long queue as they had family members who went private and when I told them the outcome a couple were nicer than before and a couple definitely will micromanage me more and became distant.
What has been you experience with others post diagnosis.?

Diagnosed combined type and I was offered meds straight away, so I do feel lucky. I’m on my third week of Elvanse, a slow release amphetamine. Not yet noticed any benefits but it can take 4 weeks or more before you notice any improvement in symptoms.
I’ve had a pretty normal life as far as relationships, family and work is concerned, but I now work for myself as I’ve always struggled with people looking over my shoulder or telling me what to do. Oppositional defiance I think.
Managing to get through life isn’t the same as thriving, though, is it?

I was diagnosed earlier this year with both autism and ADHD. I haven’t told many people, only my DH and a couple of very close friends and family who it wasn’t a surprise for. I’m not telling any work colleagues unless I really have to.

So interesting to hear everyone's experiences. I have been really struggling going into peri-menopause. I thought it was depression and had some talking therapy where I came at the opposite end of the spectrum on their tests. But i ranked higher on the anxiety scale. Everything I've heard since makes ADHD seem very likely and I'm pondering whether to get a diagnosis. The HRT does help but I think coaching for other habits would really improve life.

very interesting. I’ve long thought about getting diagnosed. Can I ask those that have had recent diagnosis - did you go private or NHS.

I keep meaning to go private but it seems daft to spend the money on something that I already know and I probably wouldn’t do anything different if I had it confirmed

AuDHD diagnosed earlier this year. I have disclosed to very few people and am self employed so no work as such. I do however tend to disclose without disclosing - “I’m finding this room very loud, could we please move somewhere quieter where it’s easier to speak?”; “Sure I’d be happy to meet. So that we get the most out of it, could you please send a brief agenda?” and so on.

I am also more selective about what I choose to attend/do/ participate in. I know what environments work for me and I avoid the difficult ones unless there’s very good reason.

I went through the NHS right to choose

Dh was just diagnosed this year, late 40s. Our DS has it and the more he described his own brain the more DH recognised it within himself. I wasn't at all surprised. I told one friend (whose son is also ND so we discuss this stuff) and I said I was speaking in confidence as I wasn't sure if Dh was telling people yet etc and she kind of laughed and said 'no surprise there..'. I think people who have experience of it recognise it anyway. Others not so much. Dh won't tell his parents because when he told them about DCs various ND they dismissed it and rolled their eyes and complained everyone these days says they have something. They refused to believe it. My family just said ok then and never mentioned it again, I won't waste my breath telling them

Personally I don't agree with a big announcement I think its need to know basis only.

Among the people I'm closest to there was no surprise - however I choose my company very carefully these days and there's a lot of neurodivergence among them anyway as I think there's some kind of 'ADHDar' that draws us together.

My mother isn't totally convinced, as I expected she wouldn't be, but my response to her is the same as to anyone else who questions it: if it's not real, explain to me why I'm taking amphetamines every day but am calmer and sleep better. Anyone who went clubbing on speed in their youth will know that's going to be a very weird reaction to amphetamines unless something else is going on, but for certain types of ADHD stimulants have the inverse effect. Until the phets I would often drink Coke to help me sleep. I ask them to explain that too. And of course they can't and it tends to put a lid, at least temporarily, on any scepticism.

A very close family member is in the process of getting a diagnosis.

We've talked about why they chose to do that now, they're 60. My take on it was, well you are who you are , you've got your quirks like all of us but none of them are a problem as far as I'm concerned. They said they felt the need to try to understand themselves better.

that made total sense to me. As long as their need is not driven by other peoples "needs", which would be sad to me.

I don't react to them any differently from t he way I've always done.

I was there with my son, also autistic and she said he must get it from his dad. When I said nope, me, she stared in amazement, grilled me about how and where I got my diagnosis (NHS as it happens), said several times that I don't look autistic and finished it off by saying that if I'm autistic, so must everyone else be.

I remember a friend telling me he wasn't that surprised

For whittytealOP that is quite shocking.😞

Reading with interest.

Strongly suspect I am autistic but I do not want it on my medical records and if I got the result it’s very unlikely I would tell anyone.

Mainly because of the reactions described upthread when I have really really fucking struggled. And the discrimination from the medical profession. It’s bad enough just having a mental health condition - I could turn up with a leg handing off and still get the head tilt and “Are you sure you aren’t just depressed/anxious ?” Arseholes.

Why do people want the diagnosis mayo ask?

Greater awareness behind ADHD surge, study suggests https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cg5vp62dnnro

This counters the ‘ it’s a trend’ argument’ . I don’t get why people would be against someone having greater awareness of their own cognitive strengths and areas of challenge. My diagnosis has helped me understand myself. It has helped me see how my hyperfocus has helped me with certain things at work. I feel less guilty about dropping hobbies when they no longer interest me because I no longer get the dopamine hit. I recognise the things that others find exasperating about me. I know why I have impulsive behaviours - mostly related to eating and being unable to hold in thoughts. I tell people have ADHD not because I expect anything from them, but because it is part of who I am.

I was diagnosed in 2023.

It's a life changer.

Had literally struggled my entire life but being female and being born in the 80s meant I had zero chance of ever finding out whilst younger.

Have been on medication over a year and it's...amazing. best way I can describe it in simple terms is finding out you've lived you're entire life on hard made video game wise and everyone else was playing in on the normal level. The meds put me on that normal level.

Now the difficult part. My family don't know. For my assessment I had someone who's known me most of my life to give a statement. I did bring it up to my mum at the beginning, but she shit me down in flames. Every response from "everybody does that" , "were all a bit like that" and my personal favourite "no...we would have noticed" 🙄

I think there a fair chance my mum was being defensive as a)she 100% has traits and I wouldnt be surprised if she has it and b)it was the 80s and I think she carries guilt from not spotting it. Not that I blame her, it was a completely different time period and the odds were stacked against us.

Friend wise....they're all good with it. As it happens my best friend has just gotten an NHS addh diagnosis (after already having a Bupa one through work). Most of my friends know I'm as mad as a box of frogs so it wasn't really a surprise.

And my work colleagues always knew I wasn't...neurotyipcal shall we say 🤣 so it wasn't of any great surprise to them when I was diagnosed

Well, in my case it was partly an opportunity to find out more about myself, about what I find difficult or do differently, and how I might make it easier on myself. There was a lot of stuff which I was aware of already - otherwise I wouldn't have gone for an assessment - but the psychiatrist's report actually picked up on some additional things which I hadn't even known were weird. It's useful to see this stuff from the outside, from a neutral professional standpoint.

Another reason was that I wanted to be able to talk to my kids from the angle of "we are like this and may have problems with X" rather than "you are like this and may have problems with X." I think this is an important difference.

Plus I feel like either you're autistic or you're not, and I find the no-man's-land of being undiagnosed really irritating (in myself and in others). I realise not everyone feels like this, and it's actually a very inappropriate attitude in a world where assessment can be so hard to access. Nevertheless I feel it very strongly. I can't help wondering where this black and white style of thinking might come from?!

I was diagnosed with autism in 2018. I'm 43 now. Most of my family responded by getting their own assessments for either autism or ADHD. Same with various friends. I knew there was a reason we all get on so well 😁

At work I'm very open about it and people are very accommodating. I do my best to ensure I have what I need to make the environment manageable for myself, but it's still nice to be considered by others.

Diagnosed with ADHD five years ago aged 47. Apart from a friend (the psychiatrist needed to speak to someone who knew me as part of the diagnostic process), I didn't tell others for a couple of years (I am generally pretty private with family). No particularly interesting reactions when I did, apart from family members wondering about whether another family member is neuro-diverse, using my diagnosis as possible evidence. I'm now wishing I hadn't told people, as I am doubting the diagnosis and it's not information one can take back when it's out there. I'm self-employed, but think I'm unlikely ever to want to disclose in a work context unless it were completely unavoidable.

THEP0PE, my reason for pursuing a diagnosis was to see if medication helped with some of the things I was experiencing.

Greater self awareness for myself and those around me. It has been very validating- I'm not lazy and weird, my brain is different.

For any exams - potentially extra time and other accommodations.

If you get an ADHD diagnosis, you can be prescribed medication that makes a massive difference. My psychiatrist says you can achieve anything as a person with ADHD but without a diagnosis and medication you have to work MUCH harder than someone who doesn't have it.

I was diagnosed with autism last year aged 50. My husband and children weren’t surprised. Siblings and parents very disinterested.
I wanted my MH team to understand me better and hoped the diagnosis would aid that but it hasn’t.

I've just been diagnosed with ADHD. The meds have reduced my anxiety. When they are in my system, I am far calmer and more focussed.

For the poster worrying about poor treatment from the medical profession, and others who may have similar worries, I wanted to share my positive experience. A couple of years ago I was bitten by a dog and ended up in hospital with the wound infected. I was given lots of morphine and enjoyed the rest apart from the pain and missing my dc. Anyway, I am VERY anxious when it comes to anaesthesia and surgery. Being a nurse never helped that anxiety at all. I explained to the anaesthetist that I was very anxious and that I was awaiting an assessment for autism. As part of my traits I need to know exactly what is going to happen and when otherwise the anxiety takes over. She was so lovely and did everything possible to give me the best possible experience. I’ve had awful surgical experiences before. Seven surgeries prior to the dog bite surgery and 5 of those were horrendous, one was ok because I had enough pre-med to make a horse zoned out, and one was my c-section so a different kind of thing altogether. I also told the nurses on the ward I was awaiting assessment and it was one of the best admissions I’ve ever had and I’ve had many over the decades. Nobody was patronising at all, just understanding and explained things well.
My ds is waiting an ADHD assessment and now that his dentist knows she is extra lovely with him and understands that he finds things overwhelming and chatters at the speed of light instead of listening.
I did have a GP tell me I was “successful” so what’s the point of being referred although she did refer me later on. It was years later I got the diagnosis though.
I’m waiting for medication to see if it helps my exhausted ADHD brain. My whole life has been a struggle. Our achievements are made despite a metaphorical blindfold, hands behind our back, chained ankles and ear defenders on. We are constantly swimming against the tide whilst others swim in calm waters as a minimum.
Those who claim we are all a Lottie bit autistic or ADHD or think everybody gets a diagnosis if they ask haven’t a clue and it’s smacks of some weird kind of jealousy. Like we are special and they aren’t. That’s a laugh because I’m sure we’d rather not have a disability, or often two together, and swim with the tide or float on calm waters. Not many people would say similar about using a wheelchair or being blind or any physical disability. They see how those things are debilitating but ND conditions seem like a good thing to those who have no idea because we get reasonable adjustments and they think our lives are easy because of it rather than those adjustments levelling the playing field. People are fucking weird.

Already posted upthread but I just wanted to add something in relation to the question why someone wants to know if they have this. Truthfully I find DH hard to live with, he is forgetful, late, and starts tasks that he doesn't finish etc. I've long since gotten used to this but occasionally it makes me really mad and frustrated. Ive learned not to say anything because he gets so defensive and explodes. I don't mean criticism in a general way, but if he is doing something in an illogical way and I gently suggest he starts on the left or uses this tool first, he yells at me and it is unacceptable. We have had many stupid rows and his shouting leaves me extremely upset. To avoid arguments i say nothing and sit by and watch him do stupid things that can have consequences and i cant help but feel angry about this and then he is annoyed that i didnt intervene, so i feel i cant win. Since his diagnosis the biggest difference I see now is that if I suggest something he will say 'yes I'm not sure how to do this, can you help'. I've told him 100 times that if you are struggling with something why not let me help and he is finally accepting this. The reality is I'm very logical and practical and am better at certain things. He is better at other things, we need to be a team. By admitting he finds somethings difficult he allows me to take control of things and delegates. We work much better as a team now and have less arguments. I've realised it was never about me accepting him but much more about him accepting himself, its ok to not be good at something and there is no need for self criticism if something is difficult for you.

A few people have said their parents haven't reacted well. I'm curious as to your assessment as I thought part of the assessment involved speaking to someone who knew pre 12 years old.

Asking as my GP thinks I have ADHD but I've not been sure about pursuing as my parents would not assist with this part of assessment.