Sex education for 9-10 year olds

[Ladyoftheapple]

Hello, I am just looking for opinions on this. My daughter is in year 5 at school and as part of their PSHE sessions, they will be talking about sex. At present, she does know what this is and I feel it is totally inappropriate at this age. We have been given the lesson plan and this includes teaching them that the penis goes into the vagina and ejaculates and also that sometimes this isn’t just to make a baby so contraception is needed. As part of this they will also be talking about boys and wet dreams. My daughter is quite a young 9 year old and I just do not understand the rush to tell them this! To be honest I’m quite annoyed and feel that this is something that shouldn’t be taught until the start of secondary school. Why is there a rush to take away their innocence these days 😳

She’s Yr5 though, some of the girls will be starting their periods if they haven’t already and some of the kids will have unsupervised access to the internet so be exposed to porn culture if not porn itself, already. Schools need to get it there with the facts before kids learn from the internet.
My DD is the same age but she’s known how babies are made for years, we live rurally and animals humping is a fairly regular sight 🤣 She asked, so the biology got explained and when she asked about human babies we told her it’s the same way - we are animals after all!

Equipping them with scientific facts about the bodies they and their peers live in isn't what's going to "take away their innocence".

I had similar sex ed in year 5 and 6 more than 20 years ago so it’s not exactly ‘these days’… she will find out from classmates soon if she hasn’t already so it is probably better to first learn about it in school. Look at the stats of how many children that age have seen porn… they are unfortunately getting exposed to stuff whether you like it or not!

Why on earth does she not know these basic facts by 9 years old? Hasn't she ever asked you where babies come from? Or about your period? Or why mummy/herself looks different to daddy/her brother.

Girls will be going through puberty in year 5 and 6. They need to understand basic facts ahead of time.

By the start of secondary school there will be (a small proportion of) children who are having sex (either minors of the same age engaging with each other, or children being abused by older children or adults). Children need education before they end up in situations they don't understand or aren't prepared for. By the start of secondary, a larger proportion will have come across porn on the Internet (accidentally or on purpose). You can't leave children so unprepared, it's not safe for them.

I get where you’re coming from, it can feel like a lot at this age. But the reason schools teach this in Year 5 is because some kids are starting puberty already, and it’s better they hear accurate info in a safe setting than from older kids or the internet. It’s not about taking away innocence, it’s about helping them understand their bodies and stay safe.

Yabu. The "innocent" kids are the vulnerable ones.
You can still play with toys and understand basic biology and early puberty.

A lot of parents will probably have covered the basics of human biology with their children before they get to this age, but there is a need for schools to cover it for those children who don't get much input at home.

Surely you'd prefer your child to get the facts from a trusted teacher rather than a mangled version in the school playground?

I remember watching a video which covered all of the above in year 6, and that was more than thirty years ago, so it's hardly 'these days'. I'm also pretty sure I knew most of it already at that point, except for the wet dreams. Oh, and I think I also learnt about erections from that video (not hugely relevant to me, but worth knowing).

They need to know because if you wait until they are older it's too late, they have found out a slightly incorrect version from friends and the Internet.

They're teaching biology, not sticking PornHub on for them to watch

I was one of those 'innocent' kids who knew nothing about the human body and was abused for years and I didn't even realise it was abuse at the time because my abuser convinced me it was normal and I had no I formation to the contrary.

I've had ongoing conversations with my kids from a very young age as a result.

Being clued up about their own body doesn't take away their innocence.

They need to know it.

this is the age they start puberty. They need to understand sec is how babies are made and about contraception.

importantly it covers consent. But to understand what sexual consent is you need to understand what sex is and what you’re consenting too.
This isn’t solely about sexual Co sent with a peer. It’s also about protecting children from abuse. The younger years cover the NSPCC pants programme.

I'm in my 50s and learnt about the mechanics of sex around 9 years at school. It's not a new thing.

I'm always a bit perplexed when, additional needs aside, children of that age don't know at least the basics. Dd has been asking about the mechanics of making babies since she was about 6 or 7. We fudged around it for a bit, but when it was clear our answers weren't satisfying her, I told her the mechanics of sexual intercourse (and also took the opportunity to state explicitly that it's only for adults, not children, and no adult should ever touch, or ask to touch, her private areas and if they do it is them that is in the wrong and she will never get in trouble for telling us). She's 8.

Mind you, she's ND and painfully logical and pragmatic about things. She doesn't believe in God, or Adam and Eve ("because this would mean everyone in the world is related, and brothers and sisters cannot have babies together") and is already suspicious that Santa is not real ("I think it's parents pretending").

I'm so sorry that happened to you and completely agree that knowledge is power in this context. This is precisely the reason we've always had very open and honest conversations with ours - if they're old enough to ask the questions, they're old enough to hear the answers.

It does seem young op I get that- I did for me too- mine are older now. 9, year 5/6 is the age when older kids stuff really starts to kick in. Leaning about sex and puberty, being put alone, more independence. As a mum it’s tough because you still feel they are your baby but 8/9/10 is that switching age - the wheel turns to the next stage.
Your DD will be fine- schools are pretty scientific and matter of fact about it all.

It's terrible parenting not to prepare them with the real world.

Girls start having their periods! You might want to keep a young child, but she's growing up, it's not about you, it's about her having basic and necessary knowledge.

they will also be talking about boys and wet dreams
so? it happens, how cruel to hide facts like wet dreams and periods.

Do you have any idea what year 5 are already discussing at school between themselves? You'll faint!

Buy Kay's Anatomy and let her read that.

The school PSHE sessions are VERY age-appropriate.

You CAN ask the school not to have mix- sessions, our local schools split the boys and the girls and they have the same lessons but in different classrooms by different teachers.

If she didn't know that food goes into her mouth and come out of her bottom as poo and wee, we wouldn't call it innocence.

It's body parts and well worth teaching the basics before the sniggering starts. And they were sniggering at 11 when I was at school in the 1970s.

Giving these children scientific and biological facts isn’t taking away their innocence.

It’s preparing them for very normal changes to their body which may already be happening to some of your daughter’s class mates.

Don’t be that parent who pulls their child out because you’d only be doing her a disservice.

They’re not going to be talking about condoms and sex positions. Just the basics of sex, what it does and how their bodies will soon be changing.

They will just take it at face value and as a biology lesson- not as an instruction to go out and have sex.

Biology has nothing to do with innocence. Year 7 is too late, it needs to be done before.

I'd make sure she knows before the lesson so she isn't the only one there who might look surprised.

Agree with other posters, OP - this isn’t taking away a child’s innocence this is biology, scientific fact and ensuring they’re hearing about this via a trusted source with their teachers. I had the ‘sex class’ in Y6 (which in the 90’s included a video of a fully naked family! What a lesson that was) and I distinctly remember hanging back with my friend to ask the teacher questions (all very innocent about my period, but still - it opened up that communication pathway and I felt I could go and ask her things I was a bit embarrassed to ask my mum).
It does make me wonder if they’re still putting condoms on cucumbers in Y9 - another memorable science class!!!

Why doesn’t your 9yo know about sex, reproduction and periods? I learnt about those kinds of things at school at that age 30 years ago - it’s hardly some brand new phenomenon!

I work in a send school. We cover it developmentally appropriately with pupils.

Out pupils will still have periods and masterbate etc. They need to learn about these things. I’m talking about with children who are non verbal. Part of it is teaching them about talking to the right adults if they are scared or getting hurt. Obviously alongside that a big part is us looking for tell tale signs and reporting any concern immediately.

Bit as children come from sex and sex must be consensual you have to teach it as part of safeguarding.

Don’t be that parent who pulls their child out because you’d only be doing her a disservice

absolutely

She will get the details second-hand from her friends anyway, and frankly she's much better off having the correct first hand version from the teacher