Sex education for 9-10 year olds

[Ladyoftheapple]

Hello, I am just looking for opinions on this. My daughter is in year 5 at school and as part of their PSHE sessions, they will be talking about sex. At present, she does know what this is and I feel it is totally inappropriate at this age. We have been given the lesson plan and this includes teaching them that the penis goes into the vagina and ejaculates and also that sometimes this isn’t just to make a baby so contraception is needed. As part of this they will also be talking about boys and wet dreams. My daughter is quite a young 9 year old and I just do not understand the rush to tell them this! To be honest I’m quite annoyed and feel that this is something that shouldn’t be taught until the start of secondary school. Why is there a rush to take away their innocence these days 😳

Sex Ed was taught in the early 90s at primary school. I remember a VHS tape, that looked like it was filmed in the 70s, of adult men and women at a nudist beach playing tennis, before the camera zoomed in on their genitalia and then started talking about reproduction and a cross section of the male and female body. It's not new OP. Honestly, as others have said, best to get the info in a controlled environment where they can ask questions of trusted adults than playground banter or a kid with unrestricted internet access showing pornhub around.

If you want to pre empt it maybe talk to your daughter first.

They are biological facts that are important to know and will be taught in a sensitive, age appropriate way. At 9 I would have thought that you had already told her some of the facts. In my opinion it is best to answer honestly, omitting or including certain details depending on the age of the child. And gradually in bits and pieces rather than an overwhelming heap of information. My DD is in year 6 and started her periods a few months ago and a few other girls in the class have also started. They need to know how their own body works before it happens.

It’s biology and you’re being ridiculous

We watched that mid 80’s !!!

yep - my niece is just turned 11 and actually thinks you have an egg inside you that cracks open and that's where the blood comes from for periods - she has no idea about how babies come out just knows that "the doctor helps" (!)
My 5 year old knows more than she does LOL

These days must've started 30 years ago - we definitely covered this stuff at primary school in the early 90s.

I think it's entirely appropriate, for reasons mentioned by various posters. It's not like they're going to rush out and want sex afterwards, frankly most younger kids think 'Urgh, gross!' (I thought that until I was about 21😅) but it's really nothing to worry about.

Is that the same video where there's a family who just happen to walk around their house naked doing their normal morning routine and you get the parents' genitals described to you? Or did we get the all-new updated version? We watched it in year 6 but then got shown it again at secondary school and were all spectacularly unimpressed the second time.

I remember a pair of siblings being removed from the PSHE lesson (circa 2006) and the shite we told them afterwards!
Honestly, it's better heard from an actual teacher who can then answer questions appropriately than 20 10-year-olds a few hours later

My DD had perfectly appropriate sex ed at school at this age nearly 10 years ago.
They need to know this before high school.

We had living and growing back in the 90s at that age.

YABVU

We have had age appeoprpate books in the house for years about this. Really shouldn't be a big deal teaching FACTS

Why on earth have you left it so late to teach her about this stuff? My 5 yo understands the basics! Your choices are to withdraw her and she will hear half the story and a bunch of misinformation from her friends, or protect her by letting her hear the information she needs!

One of the biggest benefits about making this topic so normal and everyday conversation is you are reinforcing being a trusting safe space for your child. The earlier you talk about it all (age appropriately building context over time ) you're arming your child with knowledge. It becomes no different to talking about nosebleeds or headaches it's just the body. It also gives you practice in getting rid of any shame or awkwardness.

If you leave it till they are in the throws of hormones secondary school relationships it becomes awkward embarrassing and "cringe" they will of already filled in the blanks via friends and the Internet. If they get into struggles or difficult situations they are going to their friends not you because it doesn't feel safe to go to you.

My oldest is 10 we have been building context since he was three. He has friends that started their periods at 8. It's so important he understands bodies relationships dynamics all the nuances. He will ask me/dh first or check in with me about what his friends are talking about. We have and continue to discuss pornography sexual assault, consent so many things. He also asks me all sorts of questions. He was most flabbergasted both my husband and I have had sex with other people before we married 😂
Then it's back to playing playmobil,lego or the trampoline. No innocence lost at all. Just a child with information without the embarrassment or preconceived ideas that you can't possibly talk to your parents about sex or bodies.

Our children are looking at us for a road map what's normal not normal what's safe not safe. If you don't become that trusted safe space the Internet, social media and friends will fill in more than mechanics and education(misinformation) but views and preferences.

There is so much to cover you need to start early. Really take some time to reconsider this op it is vital.

That seems totally fine to me. It’s just mammalian biology.

My autistic ds is very matter of fact about it too!!!

He won’t even hug a girl because he’s been taught about consent and says unless they agree to it he’s not risking prison - there is literally no grey area in his life 🫣

Our year 5/6 video at school was a brother and sister explaining human bodies and reproduction to an alien. I remember the girl had a pink velour dressing gown on, one of those 80s ones with the high neck, and had some line about the vagina being able to stretch like a rubber band (for a baby to get out). I remember that line because for months afterwards there was lots of sniggering and jokes whenever someone said the words "elastic band".

DDs had this a few years ago. My only problem with it was the teacher probably had the same materials when they were at school as it dated from about 2001.

Not sure if they have updated it since but there was no mention that you might be attracted to someone of the same sex. Kids that age may have had crushes already and they shouldn't be told it can only be someone of the opposite sex.

We went to my friend's wedding (to another woman) when DDs were small. Even then loud mouthed kids were trying to correct DD1 when she was at school after, saying girls can't marry girls. They don't need sex detail but they do need to be told that having feelings for someone of the same sex is ok and that you can actually marry someone of the same sex.

You are being ridiculous OP.

I think when I was at school in the 2000s we started “sex ed” really young. It wasn’t about actually shagging it was more anatomy and biological. I believe we were in year 2/3, but we definitely had more detailed sex ed in year 5, where they did tell us more. They also separated us into girls and boys. It’s a good thing.

My DD is almost 6 and she knows what a period is because she found tampons and shoved them up her nose when she was 4. Once she’d stopped laughing I told her what they were for. It’s important for children to know these things. The sex ed class won’t be teaching them positions and techniques, it will be basic biology.

That sounds really familiar, so possibly? I'm also reminded of the Simpsons episode where Mrs Krabapple shows the kids a 70s VHS cartoon of Mr and Mrs bunny as a Sex Ed explainer. 🤣

If you don't want to teach her yourself, she'll learn from the classroom or the playground. I know which I'd prefer.

You are making your dd vulnerable by not explaining scientific facts.

Year 7 is too late and the school sex education doesn’t go far considering how many kids have seen porn in primary.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-64451984
Leaving it to year 7 turns the class into giggling and messing around because the kids know far more than the schools go.

If you don’t decide to tell her before sex education at school, at least discuss periods or you risk her becoming scared and traumatised if it happens. It’s not unusual for 9 year olds to get their period and she should know before period talk starts with her peers and she gets the wrong ideas.

As pp probably said, you need to think about your attitudes towards sex here too. Why do you think it equates to a loss of innocence? The younger kids are when they are told about things like periods, the easier it is to accept and treat it like a medical fact like wee and poo rather than something to be feared and be secretive about.

I'm 66. I can assure you that sex ed was taught at primary school in the 1960s.

I wonder if the OP will be back?

It’s basic biology not the art of seduction! Yes at nine children should have a level of understanding about how bodies work to prepare them for puberty. It’s better to get the correct facts rather than some half accurate information that other kids have heard from somewhere.

You can't wait until secondary school - many, many girls will have started their periods before then!