51 and so very tired from working - but I have another 15 years to go yet

[chinesestirfry]

certainly not wishing my life away BUT ...

I am just so worn out, tired, lethargic from working. Like the rest of the world, I have been working for 30 years plus. It's not the job, the job is not pressured at all. I work hybrid. It's very family friendly. It's the constant need to deliver/manage and keep going. Keep pushing at work, keep turning up, keep up the façade that I'm interested. keep up the enthusiasm, keep playing the game (so to speak). I (we) have another 15 years before the mortgage is paid off. I don't know how I will last that long. Technology at work is moving so very fast. It's all now beyond me and I don't care to keep up with the moving pace.

I have to carry on but I have nothing left in me to give

OP, when I feel like this I look at how I can boost my self care.

Early nights, good food, a daily walk, gratitude journal...these will all help boost your energy. Hugs, keep going ❤️

It is probably more you being someone who is in the sandwich generation and with a child who will need more support than usual for life. The stress caring means you are already burning out.

My MIL current illness has hindered my life, deep down I’m a bit resentful as it has totally changed our plans. I think that’s the internal conundrum that many would never admit about caring responsibilities.

What’s your partner like at the shared workload?

Senior managers have started saying 'let's get the parish news' done first at the start of meetings, to explain general updates. Makes me cringe.

I think work has changed so much since Covid too, so much more corporate BS and too much pandering to 'feelings' instead of strong leadership to get the bloody work done.

And all the 'bring your whole self to work' BS. Would be a very interesting workplace if all the women on this thread actually did that !

Unless you are paid to be on call

Turn your phone & emails off at the end of your working day

Do stuff at home or go out & do hobbies after work

I use ChatGPT to do most of my work for me, and I use the spare time to do housework, exercise or just chill. Minimum effort, because I became so burnt out I couldn’t breathe. No one notices and no one cares how the job is done as long as it’s done.

What's wrong with being signed off with stress, annual leave is for holidays not burnout

Ihear you OP. We were all sold the dream of having it all - more like a bloody nightmare.

This all sounds like good advice to me.

I do think a change of direction work wise might be helpful.

There seem to be so many women feeling this way though - especially 45-55 type age group (I’m in that). I think we’re a generation who were told to “lean in” at work, and have done so as well as bearing the full burden at home, as Gen x men didn’t get the memo about sharing things more equally - my observations from families locally to me is millennial men are slightly better?

I’m nearly 50 and I’ve had this username for a while. Solidarity hugs to the OP.

I appreciate all the different ideas and perspectives on this thread.

I’ve lost energy and enthusiasm for my current role but can’t imagine jumping straight into a new role without a break first. Often I tend to be ‘all in’ with work and can start feeling burned out. I’m very much my own worst enemy but also missing the feeling of having that drive.

I’m weighing up a short career break before finding a new role, and know that I’m fortunate that this might even be an option for me.

I took a few months off before my current job and felt the benefit for a long time afterwards. But making myself unemployed at 50 feels risky so I’m considering any other way to re-energise that doesn’t involve resigning!

Despite having no enthusiasm for my job ( at all) I think I manage by pretending to be a middle aged man in my head. I work with a few, and my God they are lazy! Nobody seems to notice or care though…
Thats my solution. Also, I would love to get through a thread about women aged between 37 and 60 withought anyone mentioning bloody peri or menopause. Women often have real problems in mid life. I feel like we have gone back to being dismissed because “ it’s just The Change”!

LakieLadywhat did you career change to if you don’t mind me asking?

Have a chat with your GP about your lack of energy in case there's an underlying cause. The obvious first question is are you on HRT, but there are so many other things that could explain how you're feeling. If it is just the job, you could consider finding a different role.

(Dunno why mentioning the menopause is controversial, given the huge amount of knowledge we now have about it and the numerous issues it can cause)

No solutions here, just that I’m with you and I’m only 35, lol.

I changed careers when my youngest was 2/3 ish and I hated what you describe, the constant corporate slog of pretending to care about corporate values, new strategy, new lingo, performance reviews, 360 feedback, smart objectives etc etc. I just felt I'd had the same conversations since day 1 of my career on loop! I work for myself now, it pays a lot less but I do what I want to do, it has variety and I can be around from 3pm till bed time every day. I'm very lucky it was an option and it comes with downsides but I'm much happier.

Same. I had my mid year review today and I just didn’t care. I’m 50 and counting the days til I retire.

Oh good Christ. It’s not controversial, it’s just getting a bit tedious. What I mean is, that women in middle age are often dealing with a multitude of crap. On top of that, the workplace seems to demand so much fakery that, when you have real stuff to deal with, can seem utterly facile and pointless. And not every woman can take hrt by the way. It’s not some magic panacea to all life’s ills. We should be allowed to talk about real things without it ALWAYS being about bloody hormones!

@IfNotyes you are right in that sense, HRT doesn’t alter personality. If you’re a miserable bugger it’s not going to make you into Mrs positive.

Take a few months off. Sounds like you're drained and need a break x

I'm 48 and feel exactly the same - especially what you say about having nothing left effort-wise.

I'm toying with the idea of moving job to see whether that shakes things up and re-energises me - but I'm also not sure I have it in me! Like you, I have a straightforward (for me), well paid job with flexibility. It's a lot to give up. And it's probably not the job, it's probably me and the stage of life I'm in (peri, teens, elderly parents etc - draining and so many demands and not much fun to be had).

Whatever I do, I hope I can retire at 60 so 12 more years to go...

I’m 46 and feel the same. Law firm here, no longer client facing (thank god) earning good money and benefits and mainly low stress, sticking to my contractual hours but have great flexibility.

but the egos. The fucking egos. To be fair, it’s only one or two partners and though I’ve weekly interaction it’s limited. But I just want to scream “you are such a twat” at them.

but I need to go to 60 due to our stupid mortgage and kids uni costs (no we can’t downsize as that would make a huge loss given when we bought)

I'm younger than you, really like my job & love my family and feel the same. But with a retirement age of 68.

I have a random day of leave today and I'm spending it... drinking lemsip as I woke up with a really horrible cold.

I've been playing with the idea of doing a masters for the last couple of years, but had pretty much decided I can't justify it, so it's nice to read your post.

My problem is that I already have a useless masters degree in a subject that is utterly irrelevant to the career I've ended up in, and the real kicker is that even the very relevant and useful masters I'm considering won't actually increase my pay - I'm on a set pay scale and the only way to go up a grade is either to move into management or, frustratingly, do another very specific and to me uninteresting undergraduate degree part time to change specialism. The cost of doing the undergrad programme (not just fees but the loss of earnings going part time) would barely be justified by the not especially significant increase in earnings - it would take the rest of my working life to "pay for itself" with loss of earnings and therefore not being able to pay into my tiny private pension taken into account.

Somehow realising that there's no further study that I can really justify in career / financial terms because of the age I'd be when I finish has hit my sense of identity and madee feel older than any number birthday could!

Maybe I will still do the masters (part time without reducing my hours as unlike the specific undergrad degree it doesn't require different work placements nor a hybrid in person model) just for myself and my brain... Possibly it could lead to something different work wise, but with a lot less certainty than the undergrad programme I don't want to do!

Hmm

My alternative plan is to "retire" at 63, when I think I should be able to access part of my pension, but continue to work part time until standard retirement age at 67. Where I live new rules have been brought in to increase the amount pensioners can earn whilst receiving a pension without penalties (in recognition of the fact that so many newer retirees can't live on their pensions) but this would of course mean receiving less at 67 and potentially pension poverty when I genuinely can't work.

I do resent having to wait so long when my mother's generation automatically retired on full pension at 60 and she was offered early retirement on a final salary pension at 55! Those things don't exist anymore, but then when our poor kids retire state pensions probably won't exist at all in their current form, probably just a means tested benefit requiring medical proof of being unfit for further work...

It also doesn't remove the entire "sandwich generation" grind - the elderly parents guilt/ emotional and practical work, travel, rushing around balanced against still having teenagers at home, often at stressful points in their own lives and needing emotional support.

There's often financial responsibility for potentially multiple generations (often partially carrying elderly parents but often trying not to let them notice, student and/or teenage children, for some even subsidising a baby or toddler grandchild's nursery fees so the young adult parent doesn't have to give up work at the start of their career...).

Nor does it address the "trapped" feeling many have at this stage of life, which it's pragmatically often not possible to do very much about, in part due to financial commitments and in part due to human ones.

Are you able to take any leave? Or sign off sick for a couple of weeks? Sounds like you need a break and some time to rest and recharge your batteries. I understand how you feel - I'm 54, menopausal, 2 teenagers, emotionally absent husband and 10 years left on the mortgage. It's bloody hard work isn't it?!

Would you be able to take a sabbatical?