DP and friend fall out - I’m in the middle and don’t know what to do

[SophRj]

I’ve been a bit of an idiot I think - but feel a bit upset at how this has played out.

In the early days when DP and I were together, we’d swap stories about drunken escapades when we were younger - holiday flings, silly behaviour etc. On one occasion he told me a story to which I replied to say my friend ‘R’ had done similar.

I’ve never repeated any of his tales, they were told in private, and he’d never relayed any of mine…until the weekend.

We were out with R and her husband, for dinner and drinks. I got a message when arriving home from R to say she didn’t appreciate me telling my DP about X story (in far stronger terms than that).

Basically, when we were all very young on a girls holiday she had gone off with a couple of blokes from a group we met. When we were out, she apparently brushed past DP’s leg and made a joke of it as you do. DP said something like ‘I know you have form for introducing someone else but I am sure you’d draw the line at your mates man’ and laughed.

DP says it was my fault for telling me in the first place and that he assumed it was common knowledge.

Am I right in feeling like DP should have known to keep his mouth shut?!

He shouldn't have said that to her, it's grim.

Eww that's disgusting of him to say that to her. What an arsehole 🤮

Your dh was completely out if order, blokes are terrible with sexual anecdotes of that nature

Your husband sounds gross tbh.

The issue is your partner choosing to speak to women in that way.

Yes he should have kept his mouth shut, but not because it was a secret or common knowledge but because it’s an inappropriate and vile way to speak to a woman / your friend

Yes what your DP said was gross but you owe her a massive apology for spilling her secrets IMO.

Obviously, he was out of order

But this isn't all on him. If you'd been sensible enough to not tell him the story in the first place, this would never have happened

I'm not sure if your friendship will recover, unfortunately. If you were my friend, I'd be very very upset with you

He really is an idiot if he thinks a story shared between partners privately is one you can repeat because it's 'common knowledge'. Which leads to the other possibility that he just wanted to embarrass your friend (and you) and make a dubious joke, and that is his weak excuse for doing it. That's the kind of bloke you're with, in case you were not aware.

What you do now: apologise to your friend. Tell your partner that you will never be sharing any info with him again now you can see he doesn't handle it well. And think to yourself whether he's really right for you.

Am I right in feeling like DP should have known to keep his mouth shut?!

He should have kept it shut yes but so should you.

I’ve never repeated any of his tales, they were told in private, and he’d never relayed any of mine…until the weekend.

How do you know OP that he hasn't?

It doesn't sound as though he has much awareness of what is appropriate to share or not.

You shouldn't have shared it, but he should have always known that wasn't something you bring up to your friend.
Im more concerned that he thought it was OK to speak to your friend like that, it seems seedy and grim.

This was not a story to share and if I were your mate, I would be furious with you, not your DP although he sounds pretty grim too

What on earth were you thinking?

You both sound like massive gobshites tbf. I can understand why your friend is pissed off

Hes also a liar, he can't possibly believe something like that was common knowledge. He was waiting for his moment, I would be utterly appalled at him and be offering her a groveling apology
Not sure where you go from here with him.. Ive told my husband similar and he wouldn't in a million years relay them back.. grim

Exactly, does he think his doing whatever happened is fine and lols because he's male, but because she's female it's to be commented on negatively?
What a dick.
Did you respond that he also 'has form'?

Lesson number 1, never share sexual anecdotes with men. They love nothing better than using them under the guise of "banter", usually towards women.

I’m assuming you’re all adults by the context, but honestly I’d wonder otherwise.

Can I save some time and say you are all unreasonable?

Well, maybe not R’s husband…I’m inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt.

I have apologised profusely to my friend, and explained the context in which it was shared.

DP finds the whole thing hilarious which is frankly pissing me off.

You and your partner are both out of order. Your partner is a creep. You should not have told him that story. It was not yours to tell.

You should honestly get a nicer partner and have a lot of making up to do to save your friendship with R.

He’s a fucking twat. I couldn’t be with someone that nasty and stupid.

He wants to ruin your friendships, he sounds a prick. Is he a prick in other ways?

He sounds like a knob. Don't expect your friend to be around him again, even if she accepted your apology.

Agree.

This. You’re both at fault, and he compounded his indiscreetness by being pervy to your friend. Ugh.

You shouldn't have gossipped about your friend in the first place and your DP has been creepy with that information.