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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DP and friend fall out - I’m in the middle and don’t know what to do

84 replies

SophRj · 09/06/2025 18:03

I’ve been a bit of an idiot I think - but feel a bit upset at how this has played out.

In the early days when DP and I were together, we’d swap stories about drunken escapades when we were younger - holiday flings, silly behaviour etc. On one occasion he told me a story to which I replied to say my friend ‘R’ had done similar.

I’ve never repeated any of his tales, they were told in private, and he’d never relayed any of mine…until the weekend.

We were out with R and her husband, for dinner and drinks. I got a message when arriving home from R to say she didn’t appreciate me telling my DP about X story (in far stronger terms than that).

Basically, when we were all very young on a girls holiday she had gone off with a couple of blokes from a group we met. When we were out, she apparently brushed past DP’s leg and made a joke of it as you do. DP said something like ‘I know you have form for introducing someone else but I am sure you’d draw the line at your mates man’ and laughed.

DP says it was my fault for telling me in the first place and that he assumed it was common knowledge.

Am I right in feeling like DP should have known to keep his mouth shut?!

OP posts:
treesandsun · 10/06/2025 10:00

You shouldn't have told him because it wasn't your experience to share so I can understand why your friend would be angry that you betrayed what presumably she feels is a confidence. He can't be all that bright if he doesn't realise it was completely inappropriate to comment on it. I suspect your assumption that he hasn't shared other things you have told him is probably misplaced.

Pinkissmart · 10/06/2025 18:42

MrsTWH · 09/06/2025 18:09

Yes what your DP said was gross but you owe her a massive apology for spilling her secrets IMO.

This

Nugg · 10/06/2025 18:44

MrsTWH · 09/06/2025 18:09

Yes what your DP said was gross but you owe her a massive apology for spilling her secrets IMO.

This

Lindajonesjustcantlivemylife · 10/06/2025 19:01

He finds it hilarious,that tells you all you need to know.
Saying something to your friend wasn't a slip up but very deliberate.

Duckduck2 · 10/06/2025 19:08

Your husband is an idiot and you’re not a very good friend for telling something in her past to begin with.

did her husband know? Or has she had to explain it to him now?

If I was the friend I would be cooling my relationship with you. She deserves better friends.

jolies1 · 10/06/2025 19:11

You shouldn’t have shared. My friend did this to me, I’ve never quite felt the same about her since. It really felt like she did it to make her own behaviour sound better /bring me down.

LadyLolaRuben · 10/06/2025 19:30

You shouldn't have shared it and he should not have repeated it. You've both been unreasonable.

If I was your friend I'd be really annoyed and wouldn't trust you again. To be honest I'd probably give you both a wide birth as I'd be concerned about other confidences having been broken and the damage it could do

JHound · 12/06/2025 00:19

ScaryM0nster · 10/06/2025 08:39

In a similar vein - what made it ok for her to invade his personal space to the point where it was even vaguely contextual.

(but thats mens rights not women’s, so won’t get a mention).

She bumped his leg.

You know - an accident. To compare an accident to deliberate creepiness is the height of foolishness.

1SillySossij · 12/06/2025 00:41

If you can't keep your yap shut on your friend's sexual secrets, I don't think you have room to blame your dh!

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